Good morning, friends! Alexander here again, diving into a question that many Christians grapple with: Is it okay for Christians to masturbate while thinking about their spouse? It’s a delicate topic, but one worth exploring with both honesty and biblical insight. Let’s unpack this together.
What Does the Bible Say?
The short answer is: Technically, yes, but… Let’s look at the relevant scripture for context.
1 Corinthians 7:2–5 teaches that husbands and wives should fulfill their marital duties to one another. It emphasizes that sexual intimacy within marriage should be mutual, consensual, and fulfilling for both partners. In other words, a healthy sex life in marriage is meant to satisfy both spouses and help prevent temptations.
Youtube version here:
This raises a key question: If you feel the urge to masturbate while thinking about your spouse, why is that? Is it because of a physical separation or a legitimate inability to be intimate? Or is it because there’s something deeper going on in your heart, mind, or relationship?
Questions to Ask Yourself
Before justifying the act, consider these questions:
- What’s the reason behind this desire?
– Is your spouse unable to participate due to physical limitations?
– Is this an emotional response, possibly triggered by unmet needs or even past trauma?
– Are you avoiding a difficult conversation about your sex life? - Are you using masturbation as an escape?
For many, the act can become an outlet for avoiding emotional pain or stress. I can relate — this was my story. Growing up with unresolved trauma, I often turned to masturbation as a coping mechanism. It became less about physical pleasure and more about running from emotional wounds. - Are you satisfied with your marital intimacy?
The Bible encourages us to prioritize a fulfilling sexual relationship in marriage to avoid temptation. If that isn’t happening, it’s worth having an honest discussion with your spouse about what’s missing.
What About Lust?
Matthew 5:27–28 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
This scripture often comes up when Christians discuss masturbation. While thinking about one’s spouse sexually might not fall under the same category as lusting after someone else, it’s important to examine the intent. Is it enhancing your connection with your spouse, or is it purely self-serving?
The Bigger Picture
Even if masturbating while thinking of your spouse isn’t explicitly condemned, it may hinder both personal and marital growth. Here’s why:
- Personal Growth: Relying on masturbation, even within marriage, can keep you from building the emotional resilience that comes with self-control. Choosing abstinence at times, whether through fasting or challenges like a 30-day no-sexual-force reset, can help shift the focus from physical desires to deeper emotional and spiritual connections.
- Marital Growth: If your sexual needs aren’t being met, the better path is to address this with your spouse rather than defaulting to solo gratification. Real intimacy, after all, is about connection — not just physical acts.
My Journey
For me, masturbation became a way to cope with rejection. Whenever I felt emotionally or sexually rejected by my wife, I turned to this outlet. Over time, I realized it was tied to childhood issues — feelings of unworthiness and seeking validation through love.
Breaking free required deep self-reflection and a focus on loving myself as God does. It also required replacing old habits with new ones. Instead of falling into the same cycle, I began channeling my energy into productive activities — whether creating content, working out, or growing spiritually.
Practical Steps Forward
- Examine Your Heart: Ask yourself why you feel the need to masturbate. Is it a sign of deeper struggles?
- Communicate with Your Spouse: Openly discuss your sex life and any unmet needs. This can strengthen your bond and improve intimacy.
- Practice Abstinence: Consider a period of abstinence to reset your habits and focus on deeper connection, not just physical desire.
- Replace the Habit: Find healthy alternatives to channel your energy, like prayer, exercise, or creative pursuits.
The Ultimate Goal
As Christians, we’re called to honor God with our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). Masturbation, even with thoughts of your spouse, might not align with God’s design for marital intimacy. Instead of asking, “Can I do this?” consider asking, “How can I grow closer to God and my spouse in this area?”
By focusing on growth — both individually and within your marriage — you can move beyond quick fixes and experience the deeper joy God intends for your relationship.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments, and I’ll see you in the next post!
