Going Through Hell to Become A Good Man

Follow me on my journey.

SELFCONQUERING initially started as a blog to document my own progress, lessons learned, things done, but became much more quite quickly.

However, this is the main mantra of me and selfconquering: I am with you guys in the trenches. Question everything.

Things I once said I might have changed my mind on. 

Let me explain…

Not Everything I Say Is Correct… or is it?​

Over a year ago I joined the War Room by Andrew Tate, thinking that I need to be a specific kind of man to get from women – specifically my wife – what I want (sex).

Quite funny to write these lines now in hindsight, but this is how I thought back then.

Little did I know that THIS is exactly what will stop my personal growth for over a year.

I became a manipulating, controlling man, driven by my masculine wounds of not getting love as a child (shadow work trauma with my mother that blocked everything).

I couldn’t engage in a deeper connection with a woman because I was afraid of the shame, pain, sadness, and humiliation I experienced as a child.

Consciously I knew what was going on, but my subconscious was not ready to let that go.

Thus, at that time, driven by insecurities and pain from the past, I became “Red Pilled” and a literal asshole in that very group. My review of that group is still one of my most watched videos:

Becoming the Dark Man​

At this point, I trenched everything in darkness. I started the group “Men of the Dark” on Telegram, I was writing dark and depressing posts, and even wrote one of my darkest books to date, Cancel Culture.

(I retired Cancel Culture, you cannot buy it anymore, BUT, I worked through it and the results of it and how you can use it for your own Shadow Work will be found in my newest book here.)

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I was consciously aware of the following phrase:

“We don’t get what we want, we get what we are.”

But it didn’t compute that me being a dark, asshole-ish tyrant, ruling with control and manipulation will draw exactly that into my life.

I thought the Red Pill is right. It MUST be. Because it was based on evolution and that doesn’t lie.

LOL. Sweet summerchild what a false belief, most of history is a lie, and here is why:

When Sex Doesn’t Matter​

My wife told me that at that time, if it went on for much longer, she would have divorced me.

And the funny thing, the reason is NOT sex.

Because we had a lot of great sex (great for porn standards, I wouldn’t consider it great now).

I thought it was because the tyrant triggered a primal part in her, she, herself, didn’t fully understand. But it was very shallow and surface level.

The REAL reason sex was so frequent was because I OPENLY showed my desire for her.

The only benefit of becoming the dark a-hole, was that I didn’t care what anyone thinks, so I was direct, open and vulnerable to that. It’s just that I hid this under a primal desire.

Outside of the bedroom it was NOT very nice.

Fights left and right without any resolution. Being mad for days. No love, nothing.

I am still paying the dues for who I was there with her.

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots are in hell.”​

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The Quote above is by Carl Jung. Famously coined the term Shadow Work.

This is what I then realized.

I was in my Shadow phaze. Only driven by deeper needs, animalistic instincts, completely neglecting my true self in the process.

Driven by the need for power.

Which is always rooted in insecurity.


Slowly, but surely, out of that, emerged a Good Man.

I realized the lies I was telling myself. 

I hated the person I became with all these games and lies.

I came back to who I truly was, what I truly wanted to do in life.

This whole process, from beginning to end, was reflected with SELFCONQUERING.

The name was always fitting. I chose wisely back then or it was guidance.

Either way, I came back to teaching positive masculinity, based in love and compassion, instead of control.

I came back to upgrading the subconscious mind and help people create indomitable mindsets.

And I moved from the “Whore Wife” (yes, this is how I named a program …) to the Powercouple Coaching and Nice Guy Gets Laid.

Helping good people achieve good things in life.

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I needed to go through a lot of pain to finally become the good man.

Or at least, in part.

I am certainly not at the end of my journey.

If I ever am.


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It never ends.

But it also means, along the path, you learn all the lessons.

Some things I write right now, I might not agree with in two years.


The only thing I really do on here, is to teach you to be your own BEING.

To be strong in your wisdom and beliefs.

To figure shi*t out on your own.

You have all the power to CONQUER.

Every day.

It is time to use it.

Where Do I Start?

With the Unstuck Life Template. Click here

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About Alexander Graves

About Alexander Graves

Hey there! I'm Alexander Graves and I teach men how to live a life of happiness, abundance, and joy, without using weird techniques. Just by being your authentic self.