This post tackles the question “how to improve married sex life?” from the male perspective. As in, if you just don’t care so much about railing her anymore.
If your wife is the one not putting out anymore, you need to read this article: Why does my wife not want to have sex with me?
You once were truly hot for your wife and sex with her. But now, not so much, right? It’s all the same. And missionary for the hundredth time is boring.
Don’t feel bad. This works as designed by nature.
But even though men are designed this way, there are ways to get it back (up)!
Why men get bored with their wives’ sex
This is due to the Coolidge-Effect.
Quickly explained, when a male rat was put in a cage with a female, they copulated like crazy. But over time, he got bored with it, displayed in how long it took to ejaculate.
If he was put in a cage with multiple females. He copulated with all of them, and time to ejaculation stayed the same. This as similarly been tested with humans.
It is because men are evolutionary, and therefore naturally drawn to fertilize as many women as possible.
By design of nature, and for the survival of the species, men need to fertilize as many different women as they can. It supports our survival.
If you look at how both sexes have sex, you can also tell it’s true.
Man can spread his seed in 5 minutes or less, and then he can spread to the next woman. A woman, however, if fertilized, is “out of order” for 9 months, not counting the time for breastfeeding and the toll it takes on her body.
The strategies for sex are very different.
However, just because nature designed us that way, doesn’t mean we always need to act on it. Plus, there are ways to trick nature.
A wise man understands the difference between desire, lust and love.The conqueror
You have to realize how desire, lust, and love work together in sex. And how you can satisfy those needs. They usually switch in long-term relationships.
The reasons for your sex drive going down
Let’s start with some realities between the genders, to get you based, and set the basis for the upcoming hints:
- Men want sex from their women, women want attention from their men
- Men are visual, women are emotional
- Both genders get complacent after a while
No matter how many times women voice, they want a man “who cares about more than just the visual,” biology doesn’t care.
While it is true, that there is way more to sex than just a hot body, it is still a very vital part for a man to become horny.
Whereas women don’t care so much about looks (they do, but not even close to as much as men), they care about a deeper connection via emotions.
Plus, which is also why men never get what turns a woman on. Whipping your dick out just doesn’t cut it.
Also, the last one is a key indicator. Both genders stop caring about the sex-life after a while. And the reason is wrong expectations plus a stupid society.
Oversexualization ruins sex
This society shows us constant novelty at all times.
You see a new naked lady everywhere you go. And even if you don’t, they are only two clicks away.
This constant exposure to sex and especially female sexuality contributes to the Coolidge-Effect for men.
There are abundant naked, sexy women to see everywhere. Why would you be interested in ravishing your wife? The same ol’ woman?
If you think back when sexy billboards and online porn weren’t a thing, a husband only got to see a naked woman when he had sex with his wife. And even at that time, men still fucked other women occasionally. It still wasn’t enough.
But now, where you are constantly reminded about novel female sexuality, how are you supposed to have a passionate married sex life with your wife?
That’s how you ended up on a married sex blog like mine. Because I will tell you how.
A society of liers and deceivers
On top of that, society tells us that sex goes downhill in marriage anyway (even more with kids), since that is portrayed in any goddamn pop culture movie or TV show. It’s “normal.”
Women tend to believe that right away. Also because you probably hear it from all your friends.
They say it’s normal that the sex drive goes down after a while. That’s utter bullshit. For men and women, the sex drive in a long-term relationship doesn’t go down, it changes.
See, when you start out in a new relationship, the thrill of the new keeps you up. You want to bang her as much as possible, to check out all her assets. All the positions with her and on her and whatever.
This naturally wears down over time (Coolidge-Effect again). And here is where society and the educational system fucks up. Because that is when you need to shift your sex to improve your married sex life.
How to improve married sex life? The basics (Step 1)
Some couples then try new things. Which is fine, you should be experimenting. I would actually recommend this at first if you haven’t already.
Try some new stuff. New places in the house, new, fancy positions. Check out tantra, etc.
Also, do it outside! Don’t be so prude. Spice up married sex by fucking outside. What’s the deal?
Do NOT check porn for new influences. It’s worse for men, but also for women this gives a false sense of what sex is about.
Because first of all, you’re not experimenting with each other, you’re just copying what others did. So that isn’t you.
And secondly, the unending novelty is hard to resist. Especially for men.
Buy the Kamasutra instead. Try your own things.
“She doesn’t want to do these things!”
Then you’re doing it wrong, or you’re not the man you should be. Check out this article on how to get her hot for your dick again. If you’re a great man, she gladly does these things.
Step 2: Looksmaxing for both of you
The way you look is like selling. You sell your genes to the other gender.
Remember, the underlying reason why people have sex is reproduction. Your limbic system doesn’t care or know about other benefits, it wants to reproduce.
That’s why you have sex.
So you need to maximize your looks. Hit the fucking gym. This has multiple benefits.
- It increases your testosterone, which in turns turns on your libido
- Other women checking you out, plays into preselection, and makes your wife hot for you
- Generally looking like a machine turns her on
- If you get yourself in shape, your wife will usually follow (with a delay)
- Best thing is work out together and fuck each other on a hike
Step 3: Have multiple wives in one
This is mostly on the woman. But generally, they are very receptive to this, because it makes them feel sexy. What I mean, is lingerie, Dessous, dress-up.
Have multiple partners in one person.
As I outlined in the beginning, men are primed for novelty. Fertilizing as many women as possible. Why not play right into this?
Make her dress up as a different woman. I mean that. Every time she comes in with completely different underwear, it’s new to us. Novelty!
As a guy, just tell her to put on different lingerie, if she doesn’t already. Not just pants and bra, complete garments, etc. Don’t feel like asking? You don’t ask, you tell her!
Become a man, and stand up for your needs!
Quick story of mine. I am heavily into this lingerie stuff. And one day, my wife initiated with me, and I asked her, “Are you wearing something nice underneath?” since it didn’t look like it.
She didn’t and proceeded to be mad. This might happen to you. No sex in that minute, but who cares? I didn’t back down in that fight, no matter the bullshit I was thrown at.
A day later, she stood there in some fucking hot lingerie and was ready.
Why? Because I was a MAN and stood up for what I wanted.
That also made her horny. Because women are drawn to confident men.
On top of that, she can use her slutty Halloween costumes from the past to spice up your sex life. Engage into roleplay as well. The sexy pirate, skimpy cat-outfit, or whatever. If he is into it, you can go even further with this and do actual roleplay.
Step 4: Fuck her differently
Read the god damn sex god method summary here.
Learn what women want in bed.
If she is moaning and scratching your back, you definitely enjoy this more than just the lame uninterested starfish sex.
Fuck her properly, and most importantly, switch it up. This is part of the sex god method. Sometimes be dominant, sometimes be romantic, sometimes switch it in between.
Variety is a our goal, right? So don’t be the same fucker every time.
Surprise her, and be surprised by her reaction.
Step 5: Create passion and a sexual environment
This one is the most important one for long-term sustainability. So read this carefully.
Roleplaying, lingerie, and positions wear down at some point as well (which doesn’t mean you should stop that! There is no reason to not keep the strings and positions coming after years).
They bridge the gap between the new partner and the long-term sex. And it is truly difficult. I won’t sugarcoat this.
What is long-term sex?
It is love. Passion.
If you are in a relationship, I would bet $100, at one point in time, you just had classic ol’ missionary sex, but it still was uber-amazing, right? You went off like a gun at the end. And the process of getting there was mind-blowing.
How did that happen?
You both were truly into it. Passionate married sex.
You can’t just switch this on. There are multiple factors to this, but both of you, man and woman, really need to enjoy the moment. Love can do this for you, even years after you’re together, with the same mate.
But this needs one key thing: You need to conquer yourself. Both of you.
You need to increase the polarity between both genders. You have to become more masculine, which in turn will make her more feminine. Then, if the environment is right (which is your part to set), you can unleash this.
If both of you really let go.
On a weekend away from the kids in a cozy wooden log house in the mountains.
How to build the mindset for passionate married sex?
For this to truly work, both of you need to drop the walls in their minds.
In this shallow society, we tend to protect ourselves. So we don’t get used and abused.
But you can never fully experience sex and love if you don’t let the other person into your mind. This means for the genders:
- Don’t just get your dick into her. Get your mind in there as well.
- Don’t think about other women, positions, places. Focus on the moment and let yourself go in it.
- Try not to think about doing it all right to please her. This is forced. Just enjoy the moment.
- Don’t think about your goddamn shopping list. Embrace the moment. Turn off the distractions.
- Truly embrace him within you.
- Learn to enjoy HIS pleasure. Sounds weird, I know. More detail here.
And guys, this is mostly on us. While a lot of women can’t turn off their brains during sex, it is our job to embrace the polarity between the genders.
This means you need to be a masculine man, to get her to embrace her femininity. Once you managed this, the sex-life will naturally skyrocket.
She will finally be able to let go in your strong arms, and she will start to bloom in front of you.
And this will be a better feeling than any position, lingerie, or even the hottest porn. There is nothing like it. Hence why it’s so difficult to achieve.
The wise man knows, the harder something is to achieve, the better the reward will yield.The conqueror
But, this is something for both of you to work towards.
Because this is the only sustainable way to keep the married sex-life going after years.
Your brain is your biggest sex organ, so why don’t you use it to make the biggest sex out of it? This kind of sex will bond you like nothing else.
Because both of you will realize, that the only other person capable of delivering that, is your partner.
Summary of the concepts
Did you notice what all five methods have in common? Exactly. Novelty.
- New looks: novelty in your body
- New positions: novelty in motion
- New lingerie: novelty in view
- New way of fucking: novelty in sex itself
- New passion: novelty in feeling
I said in the beginning that the unending novelty of our society and porn is really bad.
But there is a reason why it works, right? Why it sells so goddamn well? Because we deeply want that.
Hence why we buy new shit all the time. So my recommendation is this: create the novelty yourself, without spilling your seed on your keyboard.
The wise man shall not fight his deepest desires. He finds ways to employ them into his life.The conqueror
Work together with your girl to create an ever-changing sex-life with her. Create your own world of sex. I gave you a bunch of tools. Now make the most out of it!
How to improve your married sex life with a plan
If you really want to get shit done, you need to own your shit. Which is the title of my book. It is a guided approach based on how I turned my marriage around.
I helped hundreds of men getting back into their wives with this. Don’t miss out. More here or click on the book.