Be your own judge
Now, this is similar to the mental point of origin, but I want to dive deeper into this topic. Depending on how you were raised, you may not realize that you are the judge of your own actions and not somebody else. A lot of parents actually make that mistake. When the kids reach a certain age, your relationship with your kids (or your parents’ with you) needs to evolve. From an authoritarian to an equal one.
You are old enough to make your own judgments.
However, a lot of parents end up being the authority even when you’re forty. It’s those relationships, where you try to reduce sugar out of your life completely, and your mother says something like, “But you need to live occasionally. Come over and have a cake with us.”
She might actually even guilt-trip you into eating it with, “You don’t want to be the only one not eating with us?”
You need to realize these connections. At this point, your mother is playing authority. She is literally not granting you the freedom to be the judge of your own actions. Through a guilt-trip or directly. Either way, you know exactly, you will eat the cake. But the result is that you will be less likely to come over in the future because there might be cake, which ruins your personal goals.
If you read this book, you are probably old enough to make your own decisions. But it is paramount to realize how your relationships are set up. Your mother, father, sister, grandma, even wife or girlfriend. Your boss, friends (“come over and have some beers!”) might be consciously or subconsciously guilt-tripping you into something you don’t want to be. At that point, you need to be assertive and say the most important word you will use in the future: “No.”
I would highly recommend reading “When I say No, I feel guilty”. It is a great book about being assertive and how to detect such relationships. Remember, you are your own judge. This is your life. You own YOUR shit. I have sat at a family table being the only one who didn’t eat the cake. I don’t care. You need to build shields and mental resilience to do that.
The most important word I had to learn. And you need to learn that as well. It is paramount that you start saying “No” more often. To other people, but also to yourself. From now on, you will be owning your shit. For this to work properly, you will need to restrict yourself from doing certain things. This means you will either have to say a mental “No” to yourself, or to other people directly.
If you have been socially conditioned like most people (especially men) these days, then this will be hard at first. You’re used to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm, right? Your friend calling the last minute to help him move. And you end up going although you actually had to study for a test. Or you wanted to educate yourself about something. But here you are again, moving his goddamn furniture for the fifteenth time because this guy just can’t get his life in order.
See, these kinds of people are not only stealing your energy, but they are also actively ruining your life. I will talk about toxic friends later, but in these situations, you need to start by saying “No”. Don’t even make up excuses. Just say how it is. In my example, you actually had an excuse, but even if you didn’t. You don’t owe anybody anything. If you don’t want to help him move, you don’t want to. You are a grown man, and this is your right.
I know this sounds weird. As a bluepilled loser growing up like me I felt totally weird saying “No” to such things. It’s friendship, right? I have to do it? My wife wants me to buy 200 grams of cheese. I buy it. I bring home the wrong one, she flips her shit, and I go get the right one. Already see a pattern?
Stop allowing other people to manipulate you. They actually think less of you BECAUSE you do these things. You’re not a person, you’re a servant. And especially in the case of women, you made her a god, and you’re the peasant. And god’s never fuck with peasants.
Stand up for yourself and learn to say “No”.
If you take away one thing from this book, at least internalize this chapter.
Learn to say “No”.
Be a person.
Not a peasant.
The mental point of origin
This is one of the most important parts of The Rational Male. He talks about it in regards to women, but I think this is generally very important. Your mental point of origin must be you, not others. Whatever you are going to do, you need to ask yourself how YOU will feel about it, not your wife, girlfriend, mother, friends, your followers. Doesn’t fucking matter. If you were like me, the first thing that came to mind when thinking about doing something was, “How would Person XYZ think about that?”
For example, you want to learn a Martial Art. My first thought would’ve been, “What does my wife think about it? It’s somewhat dangerous.”
What you should be thinking is this, “How do I feel about this? Would I enjoy it? Or would I rather do something else?”
This is very important! You need to get this into your brain. What somebody else thinks about your actions doesn’t matter the slightest bit. Especially, if you didn’t even talk to them about it. You already stopped yourself, before anything even happened. Maybe your wife would actually like it if you learned how to fight, so her hindbrain knows you can protect her. By the way, this is not made up, that’s the truth. Learn to fight.
Anyway. From now on, the first thought will be, what you think of X. You will notice yourself falling into that trap of putting others in your thoughts first. Years of that behavior aren’t unlearned in mere minutes.
To hammer this home, some examples.
- Wrong: I should fix my diet. But my wife won’t like that kind of food.
Correct: I should fix my diet. I am gonna change the food I eat.
- Wrong: I want to write books, but what if people think I suck at it? Will they judge me?
Correct: I want to write books, so this is what I am gonna do.
- Wrong: I want to facefuck my girlfriend, but I don’t know if she might like it?
Correct: I want to facefuck my girlfriend, let’s see how it goes.
- Wrong: We spend way too much money, we should stop it, but my wife won’t like it.
Correct: We spend way too much money, I am gonna fix our finances.
A man does things! I’ll get to that more deeply in the next chapter, but you need to realize that you need to go your own way. You need to own your shit and make your life as you wish it to be. Other people might intervene, but that doesn’t matter. It is your life. Either they comply, or they don’t. This is part of the abundance mindset. Your job, your wife, your friends, they can all go, and someone else (potentially someone better) will take their place. So stop setting yourself these mental boundaries. Open your mind. Get out of that cage!
This is another mental image you need to develop in your head. People love the stoic approach for men. You know, not being influenced by other people’s emotions, being cool and all that. The problem is, most guys take this too seriously and end up being dead like a rock. So here’s a better image of being not phased by other people’s emotions: Be the Oak.
The Oak is not easily uprooted by strong winds or shit being thrown at him. He stands still whatever might come his way. He doesn’t care about time, or what other people do, he is there and does his thing.
He also spends shadow, extends his arms over the people beneath him. They can relax in his presence. Enjoy life. Maybe even swing on his arms, climb up on him, he stands still and gives them protection. If big storms arise, his strong arms and leaves give protection against rain, or the unending heat of the sun. He creates life, and he drops off deadwood. He is strong, unphased, reliable, but still fun to be with.
That is the mental image of you as a grown man. No matter what kind of shit your wife throws at you (i.e. shit-tests), you stand still. You’re not impressed by her emotional outbursts, these small winds don’t bother you. When shit hits your family, you’re there to protect. You shield them from nature and its unpredictability, and you spend relaxation when bad things happen. Your wife and kids can play around you. Climb on you. Enjoy themselves, it is fine.
You’re not dead like a rock, who just lays there. Sure, the rock isn’t phased by emotional outbursts either, but that’s about it. The Oak lives. He enjoys life, giving life, being life. Right now, you’re a small flower in a vast forest. The smallest kind of wind will uproot you, people trample over you, all that shit. Grow into an oak, so people can rely on you. To say it with Jordan Peterson’s words, “You want to be the person at your father’s funeral that everyone can rely on.”
Have you seen the movie 300? About the Spartan warriors? Great flick. Not very deep, but it had some great moments. One particularly great moment to think of was about forgiveness, and being able to give even if the person took a lot from you.
Quick recap, that Gollum type character, called Ephialtes. He is a crippled, deformed creature, and a spartan exile because he cannot raise his arm properly and fight for them. So he is asked to bring water and supplies to the Spartans when they fight off the much larger army of the Persians. He does so by going over a hidden trail.
But the Persian king offers him riches, friends, and women, and thus plays right into his tortured soul of being an outcast. So he betrays the Spartans and tells the Persians they can go over this trail.
When King Leonidas of the Spartans sees what he has done, he says, “I hope you will live forever!” showing his greatness in that he forgives a person who just betrayed him and in the end is responsible for all of them dying.
Why do I tell you this story?
Because you need to learn about forgiveness. Forgiving is one of man’s greatest strengths. Not only to your wife, former women you may have laid, but especially yourself. See, when you start your journey of owning your shit and conquering yourself (and if you have read the Rational Male), you might end up being bitter, and hurt. You blame yourself, for the weak loser you were (or still are). You blame women for being Hypergamous in nature, and not giving you their greatest gifts, although you did everything for them. But this gets you nowhere.
Not only is the blame game pointless because you give away power (as I wrote in the chapter prior to this), hating them and yourself will blind your intentions. Yes, you can hatefuck a bunch of women, but this really nets you nothing. What do you really gain from laying 100 women? What does your notch count even matter in the end?
Women could also be mad that all men try to lay as many women as possible by nature. It’s the same as if you’re mad at them for trying to mate with the most Alpha dude possible. It is a waste of mental energy. You need to forgive women at large, for being who they are. Your anger won’t change them. Fucking 500 women won’t change their nature. Quite the contrary, if you’re so Alpha to lay so many women, and this is your sole goal, you play right into their nature. You’re just a dancing monkey who does what women like to get laid. But remember, they get laid as well, by an Alpha male. It’s fun for them. So you actually reward them.
Most importantly, you need to forgive yourself. Kill your goddamn ego. I have been there as well. Waking up from my drunk captain stupor I realized that I am responsible for all this shit. And that I deserve way better. But do I really?
Considering all of this is my fault, do I really deserve a wife who dresses up in skimpy lingerie and sucks my brains out? Is this really worthy of the person I was? Probably not.
But knowing this is good because you know what to change to get what you want. You need to forgive your former self. You didn’t know better. Stop blaming society or women or your parents. It is what it is. That’s how your life unfolded so far. Tough shit. Forgive yourself. You acted to your best knowledge. The knowledge you have now is way better. Like 5,000 times better. Which means you can only improve going forward.
But for you to improve, you need to let go of that anger, resentment and regret. Those steal your energy. They are pointless. Stop dreaming up situations of interactions in the past which could’ve gone way different if you knew what you know now. It’s pointless.
Learn to forgive. A great man is able to forgive other people’s mistakes. But most importantly, his own mistakes.
Those were five (smaller) chapters from the book. If you want more detail about these things, and also WAY more info on how to be a man, how to fix your life and get what you want, get the eBook (Gumroad) here, or the paperback version on Amazon here.