This post contains five own your shit free chapters directly pulled from the book. It’ll give you a glimpse of what the book is about and what to expect. It is the beginning of the “Own your shit basics” chapter. Also, here is the table of contents from the book:
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The way you talk to yourself, your self-talk, will determine every single outcome of your life. Don’t believe me? Watch the movie Limitless with Bradley Cooper.
The fuck has this to do with anything? Well, if you start to think about the meaning in a movie instead of stuffing 10 pounds of popcorn into your face, you might learn something! Said movie got a lot of shit from pretty much everyone. Because it’s basis is, that we don’t access most of our brain at all times. Only like 10%. And in the movie, there is a drug that opens up the possibility to access it all.
Now, science knows this is bullshit, but there is something to learn about it. The movie isn’t about cognitive ability, as in intellect. It is about your subconscious.
Eddie in the movie doesn’t get access to more brainpower. He gets access to his subconscious.
We know that the subconscious directs about 90% of our everyday decisions. Everything you do, you mostly do automated. At least, you think, it is automated.
What actually happens, is that your subconscious programming acts according to its beliefs. Right now for example, when you’re reading these words, your subconscious is sitting there, thinking if you are going to fight what I am writing here, or if you’re gonna believe it. Depending on how receptive your deeper self is for such things. But who is that deeper self?
You are two. Your inner self or your subconscious is everything you have
experienced, learned, lived through up to this point in your life. It has been shaped by everything that has happened. And, it is very heavily influenced by how you talk to yourself. That inner voice you have? When you are thinking words, when you write them down, a voice is saying them in your head. Notice it right now. When you read these lines, someone is turning these letters into spoken words. You have a perception of me. The guy who wrote that book, who wrote those lines. You think I am currently in your head, saying these things. But I am not. I am probably currently writing something else. The voice in your head isn’t me. It is the other you.
He is very adaptive. If you are in a situation of conflict, that voice is saying things in your mind. Working through different outcomes, building thoughts and feelings, and at some point you mouth those words and bring them into existence. He creates the ‘You’. How other people see you. Nobody knows who you truly are. You never truly say what exactly goes through your mind. The only person who does know the real you is that guy in your head. And your conscious mind (to some degree). Pretty powerful, right?
Scientists think, your brain – the conscious, awake brain – is just a filter. A filter for reality. It not only filters your feelings to the outside, but it also filters another sphere of being. The other you. Your subconscious. And maybe another world we don’t even know about. I don’t want to go too deep into that, although I know it exists, because I had such an experience once while meditating. I was truly outside my body. And it does change your perception quite heavily.
You may now have a “mind = blown” experience. Good. But how do we use this information? Self-talk. See, throughout the day, you constantly talk to yourself. In your mind, or even by mouthing words. Your inner self is very receptive to the spoken word. Hence why the type of media you consume is very, very, very important. It literally shapes your identity. News, depressing music, it shapes your inner self. Reading this book shapes your inner self (just for the better). This works both ways. I know a lot of people who constantly talk very badly with and to themselves. In my closest family. Things like,
“I am never lucky, man.”
“Of course this happens to me!”
“I will never be successful!”
If you keep saying these things to yourself, you will believe them. And they will shape your reality. I have done that in the past. A lot, actually. Stop talking so negatively to yourself. Mostly because it’s bullshit. And pretty narcissistic, you motherfucker. How can you be so entitled to think, that only you get all the shit?
There are people out there who have it way worse. Stop making things worse than they are. Be grateful!
I turned my self-talk around completely. I only talk positively to myself now. Some shit happens? It’s a challenge that’ll make me grow! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t run around at funerals, “GUYZ, IT’S A CHALLENGE!”. Of course not, I am not an idiot. But every day when bad things happen, it doesn’t phase me. But most importantly I believe in myself and my goals. I know I am not a sad loser because I don’t talk to me like that.
Here’s your plan: Think about what you want to achieve, write down your goals, cite them every morning!
Develop a third-person view of yourself. Actively listen to how you talk to yourself. Negative thought? Make it positive (even better, carry a notebook and write them down). Each day, be grateful for something small, your food, you have a shower, you can chill in front of the TV, whatever. Write down a positive version of yourself.
In the now. A version you want to be as if you were that person already. Write that down. Read it out loud every day.
One key thing to add: The subconscious is very receptive to feelings. When things happen and a huge feeling got involved in that. So when you imagine your goals or your future self, put a strong feeling into it. You might think it is woo-woo, but life is what we make of it. If you make it out to be beautiful and giving, it will return all its gifts. Start talking to yourself like that. Soon enough you will notice a lot of improvements.
Own your shit now!
“I was raised without a father, I started out worse than others.”
“I wasn’t born rich, life is harder on me.”
Shut the fuck up, you weak victim pussy. Seriously. If you use these kinds of lines, all you do is set yourself up in the victim position (again). And nothing is gained there. There is no point in mourning the past. I know exactly what it’s like. When I woke up the truths of gender dynamics, I realized a ton of past mistakes I made.
The women I could’ve gotten! The experiences I could’ve had! In hindsight, I could’ve even had sex with two sisters (not at the same time, but anyway). And I can regret this now, mourn the past, why I was dealt these cards. But what does it change?
You should never forget your past, so you don’t fall back into old behavioral
patterns, but using it as an excuse for not advancing now is fucking stupid. You’re not born rich? Tough shit! Most people aren’t. Some still made it, some made enough to live comfortably, some didn’t. It is your choice.
Stop making up excuses on what kind of cards you have been dealt, all you do is victimize yourself and make you a fucking loser. But you want to be a fucking winner, right? Then think like a winner! You breathe, you live in a first-world country (probably), you’re somewhat healthy. You’re already ahead of a lot of people. Use the cards you have to make the best out of them. You can do way more than you think you can.
Ditch the fucking victim mindset already. You can never heal if you keep living as your old being in your head. You’re a new man now. You’re a winner. You’ve overcome obstacles, you survived on this planet for at least two decades, make something out of it!
You are in charge of your life. No one else. No one told you how to adult, I know.
This book is probably the closest to it. Life is tough, for everyone. Stop blaming others for what they did in the past, and stop blaming yourself for what you did or didn’t do in the past. Act now, live now, win now!
Get the book here or click the image.
Very important chapter! Covert contracts are the number one thing of any beta loser male. Loser because covert contracts are doomed for failure from the get-go.
The easiest one is this: “I will buy my wife flowers, that will show my love, and she will reciprocate by giving me head this evening.”
And then he doesn’t get blown that evening and is resentful towards his wife because she didn’t do her part of the contract. You may already realize what the problem is. She never knew about the contract itself, as well as her part in it. This is a very dangerous mental model that a lot of people use all the time. Now, mouthing that you want a blowjob because you bought flowers isn’t helping either, so how to do it? Well, fucking say you want a blowjob without any other implications. It’s not a “societal rule” to get head in marriage or any arbitrary rules, it is what YOU WANT. So state it like that.
Lots of guys in the Manosphere actually engage in a huge covert contract as well. But they don’t notice it because it works. They change themselves to be more Alpha, and more to someone women like, and expect sex in return. This IS a covert contract. The only reason they don’t notice it is because becoming a better man does, in fact, yield those results. But I see so many guys being the dancing monkey to their girls just to get their dick wet.
If you are not a simpleton, you will already be thinking, “But wait a second, isn’t this book then exactly the same? I fix myself to get the things I want?”
It is. Except the contract isn’t covert. You know exactly what you’re out to do, and there is no specific person involved. See, of course, you better yourself to get sex, money, success. But as I said in the beginning, it doesn’t necessarily have to be your current wife/girlfriend. I only change YOU. And that may or may not turn your wife around. But it doesn’t matter, because you will get the sex-life you want either way.
However, this is a dangerous covert contract a lot of married guys engage in. They realize, they’ve been wronged by society, so they fix themselves, turn themselves into better men with the goal to get their wife to fuck more. And here we are again. She knows nothing about that contract or her part in it. And in the end, guys are mad if she doesn’t do it. There are other reasons why this doesn’t work out, like him still being in her head all the time, but that’s not the point of this book. And then you will blame me because this book didn’t help you to get a blowjob from your wife. Well, bitch, that is your mistake of engaging in such a contract. And I don’t say this to not be accountable via this book. I say this because I made that
mistake as well, and I still do sometimes. Not specifically about sex, but in any other area as well.
Beware of covert contracts! Every day in your life. If you help a friend move his furniture and you expect dinner in return, this only works if he knows about it. Either because it is a given in your friendship, or because you made it clear before.
But if you go helping with the expectation of something in return from him, you engaged in another covert contract. And this will only make you resentful because chances are very high the other person doesn’t give you what you want. Why? Well, they didn’t know.
Let’s have some examples to make it clear:
- If I do all the house chores before my wife gets home, I will have sex tonight.
- Do the chores, it’s fine. But don’t expect sex for it. If you want to have sex that night, initiate!
- If I work longer hours, I will get a promotion.
- This a classic. Just working longer doesn’t do shit. Especially if you then never ask for a raise.
- If I help my friend with his taxes, he will pay me dinner.
- If he asked you to help him with the taxes and said nothing else, nowhere in that exchange was a mentioning of dinner. If you expect that without saying anything, you are building a covert contract.
- If I help this girl defending her point on Twitter, she will send nudes. (The classic white knight)
- If I am friends with this girl and be nice to her, she will have sex with me.
- Well, this is wrong on multiple levels, but for the covert contract: If you engage in friendship, how will she know you’re sexually interested? Again, she isn’t part of that contract and her role in it.
- If I get buff, I will drown in pussy.
- This is a covert contract with yourself. Yes, they do exist. The pussies don’t know about it, and just being buff doesn’t make you a desirable man (it helps). You should do your best, but don’t expect anything in advance!
- If I read this book, I will drown in pussy.
- Goddamn, man! What did I just tell you? First of all, reading this won’t do shit, you need to ACT. And, secondly, do not expect anything! Get better, and be open-minded to see what happens (or doesn’t).
You might have noticed that covert contracts can be summarized as follows: If you expect a certain outcome solely because of an action you do, you might end up being disappointed.
The problem is the expectation. Life is tough, weird, and random. You never know for sure what happens. Of course, implementing this book, fixing yourself, and becoming a great man increases the chances of you drowning in pussy. But expecting it beforehand is a surefire way to disappointment. And disappointment quickly turns into resentment. Then you get angry, then you’ll be alone and angry, and then you shoot up a school.
Look, drop your expectations. I am not saying, you can’t expect anything from people, like common sense… nah, wait, you can’t expect that… you can expect a basic level of respect, you… no, wait. That isn’t the case, either… you can expect a certain level of humanity… wait. Ah, fuck it! These days, you can’t expect much from people!
Doesn’t mean you drop your standards. There are still great people out there, but if you’re out in basic society, do not expect much, and you shall not be disappointed.
If you search for friends, a wife, a job, set your expectations high, but be prepared that they won’t be met at first. You will need to search for a while.
And please do not engage in covert contracts. They will make you resentful.
This is another mental image you need to develop in your head. People love the stoic approach for men. You know, not being influenced by other people’s emotions, being cool and all that. The problem is, most guys take this too seriously and end up being dead like a rock. So here’s a better image of being not phased by other people’s emotions: Be the Oak.
The Oak is not easily uprooted by strong winds or shit being thrown at him. He stands still whatever might come his way. He doesn’t care about time, or what other people do, he is there and does his thing.
He also spends shadow, extends his arms over the people beneath him. They can relax in his presence. Enjoy life. Maybe even swing on his arms, climb up on him, he stands still and gives them protection. If big storms arise, his strong arms and leaves give protection against rain, or the unending heat of the sun. He creates life, and he drops off deadwood. He is strong, unphased, reliable, but still fun to be with.
That is the mental image of you as a grown man. No matter what kind of shit your wife throws at you (i.e. shit-tests), you stand still. You’re not impressed by her emotional outbursts, these small winds don’t bother you. When shit hits your family, you’re there to protect. You shield them from nature and its unpredictability, and you spend relaxation when bad things happen. Your wife and kids can play around you. Climb on you. Enjoy themselves, it is fine.
You’re not dead like a rock, who just lays there. Sure, the rock isn’t phased by emotional outbursts either, but that’s about it. The Oak lives. He enjoys life, giving life, being life. Right now, you’re a small flower in a vast forest. The smallest kind of wind will uproot you, people trample over you, all that shit. Grow into an oak, so people can rely on you. To say it with Jordan Peterson’s words, “You want to be the person at your father’s funeral that everyone can rely on.”
Have you seen the movie 300? About the Spartan warriors? Great flick. Not very deep, but it had some great moments. One particularly great moment to think of was about forgiveness, and being able to give even if the person took a lot from you.
Quick recap, that Gollum type character, called Ephialtes. He is a crippled, deformed creature, and a spartan exile because he cannot raise his arm properly and fight for them. So he is asked to bring water and supplies to the Spartans when they fight off the much larger army of the Persians. He does so by going over a hidden trail.
But the Persian king offers him riches, friends, and women, and thus plays right into his tortured soul of being an outcast. So he betrays the Spartans and tells the Persians they can go over this trail.
When King Leonidas of the Spartans sees what he has done, he says, “I hope you will live forever!” showing his greatness in that he forgives a person who just betrayed him and in the end is responsible for all of them dying.
Why do I tell you this story?
Because you need to learn about forgiveness. Forgiving is one of man’s greatest strengths. Not only to your wife, former women you may have laid, but especially yourself. See, when you start your journey of owning your shit and conquering yourself (and if you have read the Rational Male), you might end up being bitter, and hurt. You blame yourself, for the weak loser you were (or still are). You blame women for being Hypergamous in nature, and not giving you their greatest gifts, although you did everything for them. But this gets you nowhere.
Not only is the blame game pointless because you give away power (as I wrote in the chapter prior to this), hating them and yourself will blind your intentions. Yes, you can hatefuck a bunch of women, but this really nets you nothing. What do you really gain from laying 100 women? What does your notch count even matter in the end?
Women could also be mad that all men try to lay as many women as possible by nature. It’s the same as if you’re mad at them for trying to mate with the most Alpha dude possible. It is a waste of mental energy. You need to forgive women at large, for being who they are. Your anger won’t change them. Fucking 500 women won’t change their nature. Quite the contrary, if you’re so Alpha to lay so many women, and this is your sole goal, you play right into their nature. You’re just a dancing monkey who does what women like to get laid. But remember, they get laid as well, by an Alpha male. It’s fun for them. So you actually reward them.
Most importantly, you need to forgive yourself. Kill your goddamn ego. I have been there as well. Waking up from my drunk captain stupor I realized that I am responsible for all this shit. And that I deserve way better. But do I really?
Considering all of this is my fault, do I really deserve a wife who dresses up in skimpy lingerie and sucks my brains out? Is this really worthy of the person I was? Probably not.
But knowing this is good because you know what to change to get what you want. You need to forgive your former self. You didn’t know better. Stop blaming society or women or your parents. It is what it is. That’s how your life unfolded so far. Tough shit. Forgive yourself. You acted to your best knowledge. The knowledge you have now is way better. Like 5,000 times better. Which means you can only improve going forward.
But for you to improve, you need to let go of that anger, resentment and regret. Those steal your energy. They are pointless. Stop dreaming up situations of interactions in the past which could’ve gone way different if you knew what you know now. It’s pointless.
Learn to forgive. A great man is able to forgive other people’s mistakes. But most importantly, his own mistakes.
Those were five (smaller) chapters from the book. If you want more detail about these things, and also WAY more info on how to be a man, how to fix your life and get what you want, get the eBook (Gumroad) here, or the paperback or Kindle version on Amazon here.