Any man wants to create a legacy at some point in his life. Some men are real family guys, others want children, but don’t want to play with them all day. They are the Khan, running an Empire, having multiple women and tons of children to further their bloodline and carve their names into the Halls of History.
Regardless of who you are, you will most likely have children at some point, and it’s the biggest task you ever take on. Preparing for fatherhood is the mark of a wise man.
But if you search on Google, you mostly get limiting beliefs and a grim outlook on your future life. Specifically, things like “Your sex-life will change.” Yeah, brother, mine turned into the best sex life I ever had. It depends on what you do.
Which is why I decided to write the Ultimate Guide to Preparing for Fatherhood. Works for any kind of man.
Why is Preparing for Fatherhood even necessary?
First, your child won’t need you.
Your purpose, in the beginning, is to support the mother if she is overwhelmed (not by fixing the issue, by fixing her feelings, remember?) and providing for the family by bringing home the money.
Your mentorship starts later. But I know many Father’s, especially in the beginning, feel lost and don’t know what to do.
Nothing. It’s fine.
It’s not like your wife jumps in immediately if you have issues with your business, right? So she doesn’t need you to jump in anytime the child screams. Let her fulfill her female purpose. Give her agency, show her she can do it.
Smaller things to be aware of:
- At first, sleep will be shit of course. Your wife will most likely not work, so it’s her job to take care of the kid at night. Don’t jump up. Let her do her thing, you keep sleeping and be fit at your job.
- If you’re not an early riser, you’ll have a tough time. Kids go to sleep early, which means they wake up early.
- Right after birth, there will be mood swings and body issues for your wife. But this is to be handled like always.
- Children are much more robust than they seem. It doesn’t die if it screams for a minute because you were busy doing something. Your wife doesn’t need you around 24/7. If anything, it’s bad training for her. She needs to be able to handle this alone every now and then.
That’s pretty much it. There isn’t really much changing which wouldn’t have been an issue before anyway. Which you likely kept ignoring. If your wife has been a respectless and nagging bitch before, she likely will be after the pregnancy as well.
If you have been a broke boy who can hardly provide for you two, then adding another person into the household isn’t going to make it easier.
If sex was already a birthday gift to you, don’t expect it to magically surge up.
All these “issues” many couples talk about once they have kids have been issues long before they reproduced. If you are a good man, leading from positivity and love already, just keep doing that after you have a child.
This post is therefore really just a bunch of mindset techniques, realizations, and things you need to be aware of. Plus, reaffirmation of what it means to be a man. So saddle up.
Different types of Father’s. Accept who you are.
This is the most important part of Preparing for Fatherhood. Decide what kind of a man you want to be or accept what kind of a man you already are.
This also decides what kind of a father you will become.
A simple example. If you run an online business as I do, you won’t have time to spend the whole day with the kids. You are busy building your legacy.
This doesn’t mean you become Tywin Lannister. It means you are aware that if push comes to shove, you will have to work and bring home the money over playing with your children.
Regardless of how much time you want to spend with your children (and I spend A LOT (every day for hours)), your highest goals as a man are protection and provision. First for yourself, then for your family.
You are of no use to your family if you can’t provide for them. Worse, you are even less of a use if you can provide for them, but you resent them for it. This is exactly what happens if you don’t take care of yourself. This will be mandatory later when we talk about how to keep your sex life going as a father. It is, however, equally important right now while preparing for fatherhood to choose your Archetype.
Here are the Archetypes of Father’s (they are of course fluid and you might elicit traits of more than one or cross borders):
The Khan
The Khan runs his Empire. This is his Divine Purpose. His default mode of being and his biggest interest. He has kids because he has a lot of sex due to his sexual dominance and power.
It just comes naturally to him and women want to reproduce with him. If you have a lot of sex with your wife or if you have concubines doesn’t really matter.
The reality is the same: You are a businessman. This takes up most of your time, so you don’t have much time to spend with your kids. This is fine. IF you think it’s fine. That’s totally for you to judge.
The Khan is preparing for fatherhood by making more money and planning to spend quality time.
This is generally something I would recommend to any man. Quality over quantity. You don’t need to be around your child 24/7, make the time you DO spend time with it count and FULLY focus on it (or the family as a whole) when you decide to take time off from your purpose.
When I play with my son, I am NOT on the phone, or thinking about business, I get on the floor on his car carpet and play with him and the toys. FULLY immersed.
Again, this is already how the Khan operates anyway, especially with his wife/girlfriends. So doing the same with the Kids comes naturally.
Later, you will give your kids all your wisdom, tools, and methods so they become great people themselves. But you won’t be around all the time. You want them to get their shit done themselves.
One negative aspect of this is that since you are running your Empire all the time, the kids are mostly around feminine energy. Definitely take days or weekends off with your kid(s) where NO WOMAN IS AROUND.
They need to learn how to interact solely with masculine energy. Make it count.
Subliminal Messaging Title that fits this Archetype: The Khan
The Farmer
This is the traditional picture of the Farmer Dad (but can be in any scenario that applies).
You still have your Empire or Kingdom, just on a smaller scale, but you will involve your children much more. Once they grow older you already planned them into your business (farm) to help work there and keep the family going.
(However, your child might opt out of this. Don’t be mad, you CANNOT control people and you shouldn’t).
This is how most humans lived for most of the human timespan. The children (especially the boys) were involved in the father’s profession once they were old enough. (And the girls with the mothers).
You spend way more time with your children since they are virtually around all the time helping you with your work. But especially in the beginning, you still act like the Khan. You need to keep the farm (business) running, and a toddler can’t help you yet. You spend most of the time with the kid in the evening after work.
This is a very traditional viewpoint and seems to work the best (because you don’t run into the issue of the children being too much around feminine energy).
The negative effect arises when your children absolutely hate working in your profession. If they are born more of the creative type, they will hate working on a farm. Practice detachment.
Subliminal Messaging Title that fits this Archetype: Emperor
The Wizard
This is an interesting archetype, because it gets misunderstood easily.
The Wizard is that interesting guy that is always there for magic. Having fun with the kids, playing with them, with the wife and the whole family. You are the family guy. You enjoy the energy around the people you love.
This is fine and well, but be aware not to be too much in that mode. As the head of the family, you still have responsibilities. Something the wizard quickly forgets when he is playing with magic and his kids.
Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your kids a lot, but make sure you have enough time with your brothers and friends, without women or children to recharge your masculine energy.
And especially read the paragraphs about the stay-at-home-dads here and the parental list at the end.
Subliminal Messaging Title that fits this Archetype: The Alchemist
Don’t be shamed by your wife
This should be a general logical thing you take care of, but once you have kids this might happen more often.
Women communicate covertly, and men communicate overtly.
Alexander Graves
For example, your woman will say, “The trash is full.” instead of saying, “Can you take out the trash?” She means the latter but says the former. Don’t try to make her be more overt, women just aren’t like that (they are, however, aware of it, so you can make fun of it for comedy relief).
So what will inevitably happen is that she will try to indirectly shame you either via the child and what you do (or don’t do) or talk to the child in a manner that actually addresses you.
This is a no-go.
I repeat, do not let your woman use your child against you.
For example, I recently had a fight with the wife, where I decided NOT to spend time with her and my son because I decided to work on my business (and because I really didn’t want to go somewhere that day). She then pulled the “Daddy doesn’t want to be with you today.” on my son.
He is 11 months old, so he doesn’t understand it. That doesn’t matter. You need to stop that dead in its tracks. Before this becomes a habit of hers, you call her out for that shit and directly tell her NOT to talk badly about you to your child. If there is a problem, she shall tell you directly.
Just observe the things that are said properly. If she is calling you out for not doing enough or not doing this and that with the child properly, ask yourself if that is a correct assessment, or if she is covertly saying something else.
UPDATE 2023:
I realize now my wife was only doing this because at the time I was ruling our relationship with the Iron Fist, so she was afraid to be open and also resentful which is why she used these methods.
Ever since I run out relationship from love and understanding, this never happened.
Remember, you get what you ARE.
Preparing for Fatherhood: What really changes?
Not much. It always strikes me weird when parents say, “Your whole life changes with children!”
It didn’t.
“For most people, having kids is an easy way out to blame the kids for losing control over their life and themselves. “
Alexander Graves
The details change of course. Yes, you can’t just go somewhere without preparing anymore, because there’s always that child around. Yes, you most likely will eat lunch at different times, and the sex life changes from everywhere in the house to when the child’s asleep.
Outside of that, anything people tell you are usually just comforting lies they tell themselves to not get their shit together. My wife and I have more sex than before (and she is much more feminine by the way, this is what motherhood (i.e. a woman living her PURPOSE) does to a woman), kinkier sex. We go on vacations, we go grab a coffee randomly, we do most things just like before.
Most people seem to have such a weak mindset that they do everything the child wants. You have to realize that you are the parent. You are the ruler of this Kingdom at home (especially as the father). The child cannot decide what to do and you should never make this the norm.
I know people not leaving the home because the child needs to sleep at 6 pm. Yes, routines are very important for children, but it doesn’t die if it stays up longer one night a week. Other parents come ultra-late to appointments because “the child didn’t want to eat on time.”
“The child didn’t WANT TO?”
The child knows nothing. Your toddler has no clue about life, why give it all the power? You set the standards and the direction, and the child follows. Your toddler doesn’t care if it gets the milk at home at 3 pm. Or at your friend’s house at 3:15 pm.
In conclusion, what really changes once you become a father really depends on you. Not the child. How much you actually let the child control your life and how much you keep control. Naturally, with a society full of weak men, most couples end up having their whole life controlled by the child. Don’t be this Father.
You are the First Mentor
The father is the first mentor of the child it will ever have in life. This is especially important if you have a boy, but it’s also very important if you have a girl. Women also need to learn how to interact with masculine energy.
The fact that so many girls have daddy issues and really their only way to interact with the masculine is via sex is a testament to the weak fathers that have raised these girls.
A son quotes his father. In words and deeds.
Terri Guilemets
As the first-ever mentor of your child, your role is to give it a proper outlook on life, tools, and skills to navigate life, and resilience and power to get through it properly and don’t become a weak loser simp or a daddy-issue bitch.
Your child learns from you very early by observing you and mimicking you. Talking doesn’t do as much as leading. If you tell your child not to smoke cigarettes, but you do it all the time, that’s bullshit. If you tell it to become successful while you have achieved nothing in your life, that’s not gonna fly.
If anything, your child (or plans to have children) is your final motivation to finally get yourself going (I think you should do that before you ever think about children, but I know how life unfolds sometimes).
Likewise, if you are a vivid reader of my blog and tell your son all sorts of things on how to be a powerful man, but your wife is constantly nagging you and being disrespectful, it won’t believe you.
If you want your kid to be healthy, don’t be fat and unhealthy yourself. Don’t eat a ton of sweets, don’t feed your kid sugar all the time.
Lead by example. As any good leader, man, and father should do. In that sense, preparing for fatherhood starts way before your girl brings in that positive pregnancy test. I would say, years before that. Become a great man and have your life under control before you have children.
We lost this in our current Western society, which is a matriarchy. Being back the Patriarchy. Rule your household, lead by example, so your children actually have something to follow. Be a silent mentor (they watching you) and an audible mentor by taking your kids by your side at some point and telling them how REALITY looks like.
The most important part truly is to see you interacting with your wife. Your child, boy, or girl needs to get an understanding of the male-female dynamic very early. Lead your wife, don’t be a cuck, and your child will build healthy and strong relationships in the future.
How to keep the sex-life going as a father?
That actually starts before the child is even born. Fuck her good while she’s pregnant.
Women have severe body image issues once they are pregnant. Yes, it’s not fat, but they still don’t like their body. However, due to hormones, they are usually horny af (unless there are pregnancy sicknesses or pain, in which case, too bad). Use that time to give her the feeling she is still sexy.
Trust me, it does wonders.
Outside of that, the groundwork for a proper sex life should’ve already been laid earlier. Literally. If your wife/girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex with you before the children are around, it doesn’t magically happen afterward.
Become a high-value, powerful man that is fine with his sexuality and she’ll be ready. Here are a bunch of blog posts (and my bestselling course) to set this up:
- “Why does my wife not want to have sex with me?” Explained
- Why you have the woman you deserve
- The Sex God Method
- Make her Submit
- Or you reshape your subconscious to become a sexual dominator effortlessly without thinking about it with subliminal messaging (Learn about the technology here, get DIAMOND here)
How to discipline your baby?
You don’t.
Sorry to break it to you, but a baby has no understanding of cause and effect. Whatever discipline measures you want to apply, they don’t bear fruit. If you shout at it, it’ll mostly laugh back because you’re making a funny face.
If you give your child an easy slap on the back of its head, it will cry but still don’t understand what’s happening. Disciplination comes later when it understands cause and effect.
In the beginning, you will have to suck it up that your baby is doing stupid stuff and you can do nothing about it.
This will be a great test of your mental resilience. Practice detachment to get prepare for this properly.
How to have a loving relationship as parents
Again, these things should be regular before you have children, but they are even more important when you have them:
- Be aware of your Father Archetype I mentioned above and its implications
- Spend Quality time with your kids rather than quantity time
- Solve your intimacy issues, it doesn’t always have to be sex (see here, why), but love and intimacy is a must, solve that here.
- Have alone time (you and your bros, and you and your wife). Very important to have time without kids to recharge your energies and be man. Not just father.
- Don’t quit your hobbies. They define you, they give you a feeling of wholeness. You might need to reduce it, but definitely not quit it.
- Parental advice from friends is mostly to be ignored. Or apply the following principle: “Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.”
This means, look at THEIR children. Do you want your kids to be like them? No. Then ignore their advice. - LEAD YOUR WIFE. Basic relationship advice but still important.
- Have routines. Set times for bedtime for the kids. Use that time then to spend time with your wife.
Summary of Preparing for Fatherhood
As you might have noticed while reading the article, apart from a bunch of mental setups and a bit of insight into parenting life, there isn’t really much you can do once your girl is pregnant.
Any sort of “preparing” should’ve already happened prior.
It should’ve actually happened before you got your dick wet. Becoming a great man starts way before that. And becoming a great father comes naturally to a great man.
Don’t worry, I wasn’t fully prepared when my child was born. You can’t tick all the boxes and you don’t need to. But the most important thing is that your relationship is already set up properly. Not because kids are “such a test on your relationship” like any failed couple will tell you.
But because it will reveal all the issues which were already there before. The issues you kept denying. Both of you.
Fix them before you have kids. When you fight while the kid is screaming, stolen of sleep all night, you most likely won’t make the correct decision.
