When guys finally wake up to reality and go about fixing themselves, they tend to announce all that shit to their wives and girlfriends. And then they wonder why this backfires. I am gonna shed some light on this with a visual boobs example.
Shut your trap
I know how you are because I’ve been the same. I felt the need to announce all kinds of things I am going to do to my wife. Hitting the gym hard, writing this and that, going to do X. Whatever. Ask yourself, why you are doing this? Exactly. External validation. She is still the goddess in your head, and you try to have your actions validated by her.
Or anyone for that matter.
It is paramount that you start to do things because YOU like them. That is very healthy for yourself. Sure, I will explain later, why other people actually don’t want to hear what you’re going to do, or even worse, they’ll probably sabotage it. But for your own sanity, it is best to not announce anything. Why? You do things for you.
It is your life
You were someone before you met your wife, right? You had hobbies? You were engaging in other shit, and then she came by. And years later, you dropped all of this shit, and you’re trying to have her validation. But why? I know why. She is the gatekeeper to your sex-life. And you think if you do what she likes, she will spread her legs. Huge fucking fallacy. It is quite the opposite.
The biggest validation for yourself lies in not needing validation from anyone.The Conqueror
Women like confident men, who have their shit together. A man with charge, who does things, and goes after them. You don’t need validation by anyone. Pook actually has a great metaphor for this: You always want to catch the bird who doesn’t want to be caught. He tries to get out at any second. Nobody wants the bird who flies into the cage without question. Be a free bird!
This will set your mind free. Trust me, as soon as you mentally divorce your validation from your wife, and you only focus on your own validation, it will free you. You can’t even imagine how that feels right now. If you do things because YOU like them. You will notice you have it, the second you actually rather not tell anyone what you’re up to because you first want to see if it plays out.
My wife and friends still don’t know about this blog (they might not even care), because I want to be successful with it first. Maybe I never tell them, because I do that for me.
The dissected boobs
The following example is directly taken from my book Own your shit, conquer life. But I thought I’d share it.
Look at it this way: A woman’s boobs are perfect, right? Soft, round, beautifully designed by nature. They look good, they feel nice. Now, do you want to see a dissection of them? All the veins, the fat, the water-pockets in there displayed? How the nipples are connected to the rest? No, you don’t. You just want to touch them, don’t want to see anything about how this works underneath. It takes away the magic.
It’s the same with other people, but especially your wife. Nobody wants to know how you do your things. What you do to be manly. What you do to own your shit.
Your wife doesn’t want to know that you run a MAP to fix your life, that you’ve read a book to become a man, because that would take away the magic. She just wants to see you as a masculine man who has his shit together. Just like only want to see the boobs and touch them, not how they work. No more details. Just the display.
The wise man knows, nobody wants to see how you do it. Just that you do it.The Conqueror
You have to realize, most people will call you lucky anyway. Doesn’t matter if you
spend 7 years building your business, once you make 7 figures, you’ve been “lucky”.
Doesn’t matter if you manage to score supermodels, and spend years hitting on over 1,000 women to perfect your Game. You’re just “naturally good with girls” or you “were lucky with those looks”. People don’t want to know how it works, they just want to see the results.
So whenever you tell your wife how you implemented XYZ into your frame or whatever, you are actually dissecting her boobs. The fact she isn’t running away screaming is because she doesn’t know better. She hates that you tell her this. She might not realize it consciously, but she is confused about how her pussy just dried up so heavily.
A man’s actions speak more clearly and more loudly than any words could ever.The Conqueror
Your wife wants a man who IS a man. Just like her boobs just are. And if you weren’t a proper guy or you became betaized, good for you for finding my blog and my book and fixing yourself. But NEVER fucking talk about it. Do NOT tell her. Just BE different. It might even take a while until she picks it up. Doesn’t matter. Remember, you do it for you. Not for her.
Because if you still try to fix yourself to get into her pants, she STILL has all the power over you. You just become a dancing monkey. That’s why it is of utmost importance that you memorize the dissected boobs, and to not care about others. Do things for you. In No More Mr. Nice Guy, Robert Glover actually recommends taking one month to ONLY do things you like. Just so you notice how it is to have your needs met. Without any implications. Just doing things you like. For you.
You’re human. You deserve it. The female is not a god. You deserve things as well.
Acta non verba
You might’ve heard this line before. It is Latin for “Act without talking”. Exactly what you should be doing. From now on, you stop announcing anything you do. Whatever it is, building a blog, a following, bettering yourself, hitting the gym, whatever. You just DO. A man DOES things. Talk is cheap, actions are expensive.
Everyone always talks, especially on Twitter. Feminists and literally all the political debate is just talking. Everyone can do it. Takes no effort. Actually doing something, actively changing the world, that takes grit, strength, and a vision. That is what makes it masculine.
A man’s biggest fight is to be fine with himself. He does not need anyone’s validation but his own.The Conqueror
You won’t get this right overnight. It took me months to fully internalize this. To fully accept I am fine with myself. I could live without all the people currently around me, and I don’t need the validation from ANYONE I meet on a daily basis. This is very liberating. I wish for you to manage it. You will have to force it for a while before it is internalized. Just think about the dissected boobs.
But after a while, it will flow on its own. And then you are finally free. Free from the external validation YOU are seeking constantly in others. You will be the only one to judge your actions. And it will be fine. You will be fine.
Beware of people
One more thing. Whenever you announce your plans to other people, even friends, family, and your wife. You might notice that they try to sabotage it. Directly, or indirectly. They don’t mean bad. But when you fix yourself, you basically tell them that they still don’t have their shit together. So they try to drag you down to their level.
When I announced to people I write a novel, and am going to sell it, the first thing that came were things like, “You can’t become rich with writing books, can you?”
You might think I have bad friends, but what’s really happening is, that I am working against their world view. They need to have confirmed that not everyone can make it because otherwise I directly show them that THEY are at fault for their life. Which is exactly the point of my blog, books, and the name selfconquering. But, generally, people don’t like that unless they decide themselves to do it.
A man that announces his plans to other people just gives them opportunities to sabotage it.The Conqueror
They want their bias confirmed. So they try to keep you low. Even though they hate that life, it’s easier to have your bias confirmed, than to actually do something about it. That, my friend, is another big reason not to tell anyone what you’re doing. They’ll call you lucky anyway, might as well just come in with your Lamborghini years later.
Rule Number 30 from 48 laws of power is, “Make your accomplishments seem effortless. Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease… When you act, act
effortlessly, as if you could do much more.”