How to Find Yourself in 2021

A confident lion looking into the camera

How to find yourself has always been the goal for man. Who are you really? The person you display, is that who you really are? Or the person you are on Instagram?

Once you realize that everybody has a perception of you, and nobody – yes, nobody – really knows who you are deep down, this becomes a tough question.

But if you want to improve your life and conquer yourself, you need to have a direction.
How can you improve, if you don’t even know where to go?

Why is finding yourself important?

You wouldn’t be on this blog post if you didn’t feel a void in your soul.

You might be living a somewhat decent life. A secure job, a wife that once was hot for sex (but it just is what it is, right?), and some decent kids. Maybe.

It’s fine, right? You’re okay. Why do you need to find yourself?

Because you’re lying to yourself.

You have no clue who you are. The real you, you’ve kept away for the better part of 3 or 4 decades.

You think you know who you are. Probably because people tell you, right?

“You’re such a nice guy” is what others might tell you. But are you really? I was once considered the nice guy until I realized I am actually kind of an asshole underneath. Just putting on a facade.

At least that’s what I’ve been called for stating the truth.

Should you even want to find yourself? Are there dangers?

Some men are actually afraid of finding their true nature. This is due to decades of social conditioning.

They think if they find their manliness deep down, they are immediately like Mike Tyson, ripping people’s ears off.

Really? Right now you’re a weak simp who is afraid to stand up for what he wants. Especially when it comes to sex, you look like this:

Meme simp asking for pussy

But underneath you would love to ravish the shit out of your wife. Put her on the counter, and rail her like there is no tomorrow.

This animalistic man inside you was always there. From the toddler age to now, you just buried it. Because you were told to do.

Let me give you a quick example.

Young boys are naturally alpha

I remember when a friend of mine (mother of a 3-year-old boy) told me, he recently said to her, “Clean this up, cleaning lady.”

And she wondered where he got that from, since her husband doesn’t talk like that to her.

Was funny to me, because she doesn’t understand.

This animalistic / Alpha / asshole-ish nature is within any man. The boy knows this naturally. It’s only through social conditioning that we unlearn this behavior. When your primal nature gets tamed.

Now, I am not saying that it’s right to call your mother a cleaning lady. It’s fine to get that out of a kid, but we usually take this too far and end up making weak simps, who are afraid to confront their wives for their bullshit.

And if you don’t want to end up as a simp who gets nothing from life but deep resentment, you need to find yourself. Your inner, primal man. At least to some degree.

What makes a good man?

At this point, people usually ask themselves, “If the simp is weak, and there is tons of toxic masculinity, what is a good man then?”

Well, first of all, toxic masculinity is this token term that gets thrown around whenever a woman doesn’t get what she wants. Or a feminist, rather. A good woman never uses that term.

A good man is a decisive, confident, leading man of charge. He has integrity and emotional maturity.

I know you’ve been told for decades that happy wife means happy life, but it’s bullshit. You don’t need to make her life miserable, but if your sole goal is to make her happy, guess who won’t be happy?

Yes, you.

A man follows his mission. He does the best for himself, which in turn, gives the people around him the incentive to be the best of themself. He leads by example. He is a force of wisdom and rationality around the emotional turmoil of women and children.

It is your job to be strong and leading, so your children and woman can follow your lead.

You have that Alpha behavior within you. Deep down. You live it through fantasies, enjoying masculine movies, or great characters in video games. But you can be this guy in real life. And it would actually net you everything you want.

How to find yourself and the man within you

Handsome man with beard on motorcycle finding himself
Finding yourself could mean going on a motorcycle trip for weeks. Or in the woods. But you need to be with yourself.

If you’re a young guy, with no girlfriend, wife, kids, etc. I would recommend you save a bit of money and go out in the wilderness for a month. I am dead serious. Be alone with yourself. Absent from all the distractions of porn, social media, and fake news. Just you and yourself.

It might feel lonely. But this will truly show you, who you are.

The real-life version for people with responsibilities

Do it anyway.

Nah, if you are like me, and you have or had responsibilities when you woke up to reality and started to make something of yourself, you can’t just go out into the woods and chill for a month. But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. It just takes a little longer.

What you do is this: Start something that you think is your thing.

Basically, your mission.

You need something for yourself. Which does have nothing to do with your wife, kids, etc. Something you do just for your own sanity and goals in life.

Be careful of mental traps though. Your goal might be to become rich (which is totally fine) but do it because YOU want to own a Lamborghini, not because you would like to buy a better house for your wife.

Big difference.

The reasoning for that goal must come from your soul. Otherwise, you won’t put in the needed effort!

Also, don’t overthink that goal.

Along the path, you will realize, it truly isn’t what makes you go. What feeds your flame. What enlightens your passion. And then you switch it up and try something new. Too abstract? See my journey.

My path to myself

See, when I realized that my life wasn’t what I wanted it to be, I started the first thing that came to mind. Back then, this was cryptocurrencies. Bitcoin. I didn’t really enjoy the financial markets at all. But I thought I could make a ton of money from it. (And I did).

Back then, I also thought that money is the most important thing to obtain. Well, we’ve all been there, right? If your current goal is to make a million bucks, fine. Go with it. It’s better to be unhappy in a Mercedes, than under a bridge.

So I tried to do trading Bitcoin and Altcoins. I tried to stake them (passive income). I was also on Twitter all the time, and everyone and their mother had an email list. So I did that as well. I made an info-product out of my half-arsed knowledge, etc.

I tried it all.

Realizations while finding your inner man

However, I realized, I didn’t really enjoy it. Due to my new-found mindset, I kept pushing it. Which is good. You should always go all the way, and don’t just stop after two weeks. Put in months, even years, before you see anything and decide.

But sometimes, you don’t need that long. You just realize, you don’t even like doing it. So I did something else.

I started a blog about cryptocurrencies. I started a Youtube Channel about that as well. And I wrote a full-fledged book. I deleted all of it.

Anyway, that didn’t cut it either.

Finding myself

While I was reading and watching more and more stuff about masculinity, mankind, relationships, and the meaning of life, I realized, that this financial market thing is shallow as hell. I pretty much stopped caring about becoming a millionaire. I wanted my life to have meaning.

Your legacy is not how much currency you had in your bank while you died. It is how meaningful your name was to other people.

The conqueror

You probably feel the same about money. And if you don’t do so, yet, that feeling will eventually hit you. I realized that I always loved writing. Hence why I had that blog, and I was writing a book. I truly enjoyed being creative with words. I was just on the wrong topic.

That’s when I started writing my first ever novel about society and a loser beta male being forced to become a real man. That book is really just about me.

And I started this blog, and the Youtube channel to help you, and other people conquer themselves. Just like I did.

Other things I also did? Started a Webdesign company. Started drawing and designing logos. I was looking into dropshipping. All kinds of bullshit.

Start something to find anything

Already realized what you have to do? SOMETHING.

To find yourself you need to START. Anything. It doesn’t fucking matter.

It took me over a year of doing shit I don’t care too much about to one day have that “duh” moment. The moment where I realized that what I truly enjoy is writing. Like this blog post.

Writing words and moving people is what makes me happy. It keeps me going. I don’t need motivation to do it. I am passionate about it.

Even though I loved writing way too long comments on Facebook and Twitter, it never crossed my mind, that the process of writing is actually what I enjoy. This is the key: I didn’t even know what I liked.

I thought I loved Videogames. That’s where I spent most of my free time. Now? I haven’t touched a game in months. I much rather write my books. It flows out of me.

You might have already realized, that the picture of the conqueror in my mind constantly changed. And still does.

How to find yourself in different areas of your life

We have different personas, or rather, different interest in different things. Which is why I split up the following section. If you want to find yourself, this really depends on the area of your life.

Finding your true self with money might be very different to women.

For example, I want to make unlimited amounts of great men, but I couldn’t be bothered with laying unlimited amounts of women.

I just don’t care about pussy that much.

This is up to you, but you can’t apply the same mindset everywhere. It depends. So find yourself for each area individually.

Finding yourself with women

Young confident business man in chair
What kind of a man do you WANT to be? This is up to you. No one else.

Single, or not, I would recommend reading 2 books first: The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, and The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

Start with The Way of the Superior Man.

You need to know some truths about the ladies first before you decide on what you want to do with them.

This will set you up mentally. And then, apply this to your relationship, or the next time you get into one and see what’s what. Do you want a long-term relationship? Or rather have occasional lays and focus on something else?

Either way, I personally think you should still consider marriage because it makes you grow as a person.

Evaluating yourself in a marriage

Right now, you might think you love that woman the way she is. And how you treat women.

But maybe not, maybe deep down you rather want a harem instead of just your current wife?

Maybe you are already where you want to be with women. But do you really know?

If you’re already married, I wouldn’t recommend “trying” a bunch of girls now to see where you at, but go out and approach women.

Get comfortable with feminine energy other than your wives’. If you are like me, quite quickly I got tired of this and rather wanted to work on my mission.

Which is good, because as I said, marriage is important to make you grow as a person. But in the end, it is your decision. Don’t let me decide for you what you should do with your dick.

That’s up to you.

But make sure it is actually your decision. And not societies’.

Finding yourself with success

Handsome business man with cigar and expensive car
Not everyone is made for this kind of lifestyle. That’s fine. As long as you are true to yourself.

Right now, you might be completely wrong about what you truly love. What just comes out of you naturally. Unless you have time to meditate for a month in the woods, I tell you, just start something.

Whatever comes to your mind right now. Writing books, or a blog. Making Youtube clips. Making Music. Become a professional trainer at a gym. Start your own business. It doesn’t fucking matter. Just. Start.

And along the way, you will adjust.

Realize that some things don’t flow with you, and drop them, or outsource them. The best thing, along the lines you will obtain some other skills, that may or may not be helpful.

And when you finally find your passion and start what you love, you already have a skill set that is worth something.

Or you realized that none of this stuff is really important to you, and you rather have a decent, but chill life with your family. It’s fine.

Not everyone is made for freelancing, and not everyone should be doing it.

But again, be aware that it is what you want.

Finding your masculinity

Gorgeous old man with beard and cigar masculinity
Nobody but you can tell you what kind of masculinity you want to radiate.

Finally the important topic.

With so much trash-talk around masculinity, and what a real man is, it is really up to man itself to find that.

Nobody can tell you what kind of man you want to be.

I am not even telling you to not be a simp. I am just saying if you want to have recurring sex with your wife, be respected by other men, parents, and pretty much anyone, simping is not the plan.

Just be aware that society has tried to drown true, healthy masculinity for a while now. For multiple reasons.

They tried to make you feel bad for wanting sex regularly and liking beauty in a woman. Or anyone really. When in fact, it is totally natural.

There are men out there like Andrew Tate for example, who is a multimillionaire and has laid probably 400+ women.

And then there are men out there who only had sex with one woman, but they still have sex with that one woman regularly and feel fine about it.

No one can tell you what is right or wrong. What kind of man you should be.

All I can tell you is what works and what doesn’t. But maybe it’s all bullshit, and you can totally make a harem work in the new age and society still have you love you.

Go out and do the impossible, it’s up to you.

Just make it your conscious decision.

Don’t let anyone dictate you who or what you should be. That does include me. Question everything I say. Including those words.

We stopped questioning everything we hear a while ago, and look what it brought us.

Sexless marriages, weak men who can’t protect nobody, and spoiled brats.

Question what people tell you. This will show you who you really are and who you want to be.

Become that man.

And then you conquer the world.

For more guidance, check out Adept of the Dark. Learn how you can become a more competent man.

–Alexander Graves

Did you find yourself already? Have any tips for the other Ascendants on how to do it? Let me know in the comments!

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