Why do men need sex all the time, and why is it such a big thing? Women are often confused by this, as they tend to be more emotionally triggered and focus more on love and connection. As a result, they might think, “You only want me for my body,” or something similar. But that’s not exactly true. If you look deeper, it becomes clear that men have difficulty explaining why they need sex so much. Let me help break it down.
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The reason is actually very simple. If you examine the anatomy of the female body, and also look at what sex actually is, you’ll see two key points. First, especially for your husband, sex is a form of acceptance. When you let him into your body — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — you are accepting him as he is right now, in this very moment. It’s not about what he could be, or what he was in the past; it’s about accepting him as your husband and as the man he is right now. This is key.
And that’s why men need it consistently. When we use the word “need,” it’s because sex is a way of being accepted as the husband. Now, this need becomes problematic if it’s used as a way to validate oneself and feel like a proper man. That’s unhealthy. It should only be used as a gauge for how much your wife loves you. Through this act, she’s showing you that she loves you, and it’s very important for men to feel that.
Now, for many women, understanding this might be a challenge. But here’s the thing: having sex with your husband is actually a showcase of how much you love him. Through sex, most men — over 90%, in fact — experience love. This is how men connect in a loving way. Of course, if your sex life is dominated by porn or unrealistic expectations, that’s a different issue. But thinking of sex as a showcase of love and acceptance makes it easier to understand why men need it so much.
It’s similar to affection. If affection — like hugs, kisses, or even just holding hands — stops, a man will think something is wrong. The same applies to women. If your man suddenly stops hugging you or even pursuing you for sex, you’d feel like something’s off. You’d think, “What am I doing wrong?” Men are no different. If sex is withheld for long periods, it’s a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. It’s a way for you to show your appreciation, your acceptance of him as your husband, your partner, and your friend. This all happens through the act of sex.
This is also why the Bible talks about not depriving each other of sex. It’s a way to showcase love. You can cook, clean, and do all the other things that show love, but none of that should replace the need for sex. Sex is essential in marriage; it’s part of showing love.
But let’s be real — there are also things for men to learn in how to initiate sex. There are ways to do it wrong, and ways to create the safe space your wife needs to be open and feel loved without judgment. This is a whole other conversation, but it’s essential.
Submission and the Role of Men and Women
The second reason men need sex is tied to submission. The traditional roles of men and women are simple: the man is the authority in the household, and the woman is supposed to submit to her husband. Now, whether you want to call this “God-given” or “natural,” let’s look at how nature designed us. Men are generally taller and stronger, and women, while amazing, are physically not as strong. This has a role in the anatomy of sex itself. Men penetrate women, which means women must take a more submissive role in the act itself. This physical submission is part of how sex works.
This is why men enjoy positions like doggy style or blow jobs. In these acts, the woman is literally kneeling, reinforcing her position of submission. It’s a visual and physical display of the wife submitting to her husband, reaffirming his authority.
Now, I know talking about submission is controversial today, especially with the rise of feminism. Many women are taught to reject this idea, and I understand that. It’s tough after decades of feminism’s influence, but that’s just where we are right now. But here’s the truth: nature designed us this way. The Bible also talks about wives submitting to their husbands, and husbands leading with authority but also with love and understanding.
The submission has to come from the woman herself. If a husband rules with an iron fist, that’s wrong. You can’t just expect her to submit because that’s her nature as a woman. She has to willingly submit. Unfortunately, society has conditioned many women out of this understanding, and this is where we find ourselves today.
Yet, despite this, many women still convert to Christianity, even if some consider it a misogynistic religion, especially when it asks wives to submit to their husbands. But these women understand that if they submit to a great man, if they give their life to him, and if he rules with love and understanding, then they find peace and happiness. This is where she can relax into his frame.
Now, I’m not a fan of books like The Rational Male, because they can often be filled with domineering, misogynistic trash. But even a broken clock is right twice a day. One thing that is correct is this: if a woman submits to her husband in the right frame — if he leads with love, as Jesus did — then she will find happiness, security, and peace.
This is why men need sex so much. It’s a physical and visual showcase of their wife’s submission. If you don’t have sex in your marriage, it’s most likely because she is not submitting to you. She might be using her masculine energy to fight or nag, rather than submitting to your role.
So, it’s not the lack of sex that’s the problem in the marriage; it’s the roles not being properly defined. If sex is missing, it’s because she is rebelling against her role. You have to figure out why she’s doing that and work together to restore the balance in your marriage.
