Ah, Assassin’s Creed.
Remember when this franchise was about secret societies, hidden knowledge, and the eternal battle between free will and control?
Yeah, good times.
Well, now it’s about intersectionality, oppression points, and pissing on every ancient culture they touch.
Welcome to Assassin’s Creed Shadows, where Ubisoft took one of the most sacred, badass and karmic cultures on Earth and shoved it face first into a diversity quota spreadsheet.
And no, you’re not hallucinating, you are about to play as a black, gay ninja in feudal Japan.
Because history apparently is optional now.
Now I don’t know about you, but I feel like we are seeing a lot of remnants from a time before the Orange Man won, and hit the brakes on DEI so hard, blue haired feminists didn’t even have time to write articles against it.
What is REALLY Going on?
But on the face of it, developing a game takes multiple years, so I presume AC Shadows was conceived at the height of DEI- self touching orgies, where you could still get away with literally shitting on entire cultures.
However, times have changed, and the new president came in swinging his sword so hard, literally actually, that now the studios have no choice other than to shit that trash out into the market hoping some diehard NPCs, uh, fans, still buy it.
But even then, there is a bigger problem we cover today, dear viewer.
Because let’s get something straight, Feudal Japan is one of the most spiritually charged, karmically deep settings you could ask for.
The Bushido.
No, not that shitty rapper from Germany.
It is a codex, the code of the old samurai, the way of the warrior, honor until death, self mastery, determination, focus, and overcoming the flesh.
Shintoism.
Respect the kami, the spirits, the ancestors and their infinite wisdom after meditating for 500 hours on a mountain, instead of giving in to the flesh like here.
By the way, unironically, this version would sell like hot cake. And not just because of the cake.
And of course generational karma, every action rippling through bloodlines and the collective unconscious.
The Japanese believe that the actions you take in this life do not just influence you and your life right now, but they do so for generations.
This is a culture that understood your actions shape your soul and your world. Literally, what Assassin’s Creed used to be about.
But did Ubisoft capture any of that?
No. Instead they went, “you know, that’s cool and all, but where’s our badass, oppressed, black, gay, so we can score points on Kotaku?”
Which always makes me laugh how these DEI hires in HR live in the unburstable bubble of self aggrandation, where they don’t even realize none of what these outlets write matters anymore to anyone.
This Story is as Old as Time
Yet it goes deeper than that. The late Dolores Cannon, a hypnotist who managed to get people in such a deep trance state, they could directly connect to their subconscious and report from past lives.
I mean, I’ve been there in the past, but let’s just say it wasn’t with hypnotizing me, it was more like hypnotizing myself with some bottles.
Anyways, no, I’m not making this up.
It actually happened.
I did, in fact, read all those 3,000 pages in these books.
Nerds gotta nerd, you know.
Because it’s funny, Dolores Cannon warned us about this. How souls carry wisdom from past lives. But each new cycle, we forget more and more.
It’s like that school game where you whisper a message in people’s ear, in a chain, and at the end some other bullshit comes out.
The more we twist these stories, the more bullshit they become.
It is all fun and dandy as a school kid when you don’t know shit about life. But as a grown person playing this game with a multi million dollar game, I don’t know about that.
Hell, even the hidden and removed books from the Bible, the Apocrypha, say the same.
Fallen angels came down to earth, twisted humanity, fed them false knowledge. Until people worshipped lies.
That seems oddly familiar, doesn’t it?
And here we are, literally watching corporations rewrite sacred history in real time. Not for wisdom, not for art, but for diversity quotas and BlackRock money.
The Absolute State of Modern Media
But let’s be real, Ubisoft’s historical research for this game was probably a BuzzFeed article and a Slack channel named Diversity Ideas.
Some poor intern typed samurai into Google and their HR department went like,
“Oh, that’s too many Japanese people in this.”
“But, you know, the game is set in feudal Japan.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, we need oppression dynamics in here. Can we add a black gay ninja? And maybe make him a victim of systemic racism?”
“But that is historically incorrect as fuck.”
“I SAID SYSTEMIC RACISM!”
Bro, the only systemic oppression in feudal Japan was getting your head cut off for looking at a daimyo wrong.
Karma in Action
And here’s the best part. Karma is already slapping Ubisoft’s ass harder than an angry Shogun.
The backlash to this game is so exorbitantly bad, they might have ruined the Assassin’s Creed brand forever. Pre orders?
Yeah, no.
Even Japanese gamers are saying, brah, this is not it.
Fuck. Even the Japanese government is taking action against it.
Uh, that, that’s a new one. “We will not tolerate any behavior that does not respect the culture. It is natural to have respect for the culture and religion of a country. And I think it is important to send out the message that we will not tolerate any behavior that does not respect the culture and religion of a country and will not tolerate it.”
Man, if your game triggered an entire country and its government, you know you done goofed.
Because you don’t mess with sacred stories like this. You don’t turn ancestral honor and spiritual codes into a diversity marketing campaign.
You don’t take the Way of the Sword and replace it with the Way of the Shareholder slide deck.
You reap what you sow.
“It’s just a game, man.”
But this isn’t just about the game. It’s about how we lose our myths.
Our lessons, our karmic roadmap.
One corporate cash grab at a time.
Every time they do this, the deeper spiritual messages get buried under identity politics and checkbox storytelling.
Because after all, some young kid is gonna play this game and think this is what the meaning of Bushido and the Code for Man is about.
Being a raging homosexual and assaulting Asians in broad daylight.
That’s the legacy.
And slowly we forget who we are.
What once taught honor, discipline and balance becomes “Hey look, a gay ninja with a tragic backstory. Clap, peasants, and consume.”
You know what’s next, right? Assassin’s Creed Intersectionality Wars, set in ancient Greece, but this time Socrates is non binary and every Spartan is morally conflicted about microaggressions.
The next DLC, Oppression Points. Collect enough and you unlock a special cutscene where the Shogun apologizes for historical accuracy.
To use the words of Ricky Gervais, I would rather watch C. K. Lewis masturbate than play that game.
But maybe I’m just an outdated relic clinging to myth, honor, and basic respect for ancient cultures.
What do you think? Is Ubisoft just milking outreach for clicks at this point? Is it all the deep state making them do this?
But also, are you buying Assassin’s Creed Shadows? Or are you, like me, ready to watch this train wreck from a safe spiritual distance?
Let me know.
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