The Book We’re Talking About Today: “The Way of the Superior Man”
Today, I want to discuss a book that’s often recommended within masculine communities, “The Way of the Superior Man” by David Deida. This is the 20th anniversary edition, and it’s been a widely discussed book in circles ranging from the red pill community to other masculine guru types. Even Tony Robbins has endorsed it!
This book is an international bestseller, selling millions of copies, and it provides a more spiritual, poetic perspective on masculinity.
Christians often resonate with its themes as well. But now that I’m reading it for the third time—five years after I first picked it up—I’ve come across some parts that I find concerning.
Specifically, I’ve reached the section about women, and there are aspects I don’t quite agree with.
Masculine and Feminine Essence: A Problematic Approach
At first, Deida talks about masculinity and purpose in a very poetic way, which makes sense. It’s focused more on mindset than practical advice, and that’s fine.
However, when the book shifts toward discussing women, things start to get a bit iffy. Deida introduces the idea of masculine and feminine “essences” rather than focusing on men and women as distinct beings.
He acknowledges that most men have a masculine essence and most women have a feminine essence—but he also suggests that some women embody masculine essences and some men embody feminine essences.
I understand that there can be differences in personality, but to me, this approach doesn’t sit right. It feels a bit like he’s trying to make it gender-neutral, and that’s not something I personally agree with.
I believe that masculinity and femininity are inherent in people, and society shouldn’t push people to fit into boxes that don’t align with their true nature.
For example, look at young children—boys are boys, girls are girls. They exhibit these traits deep in their core from the very beginning. This idea that a woman can have a pronounced masculine essence just doesn’t hold up in my experience. Society might influence us later, but nature is more powerful than any social construct.
The Feminine Side: Are We Enabling Emotional Immaturity?
As I continued reading, I came across an issue that I think deserves attention. Deida talks a lot about accepting women as they are, especially when it comes to emotions.
In fact, he paints a picture of women as emotionally unpredictable, even describing them as emotionally “crazy.” His suggestion? When a woman is upset, you simply kiss her, spin her around and everything will be fine.
He argues that how a woman feels in the moment is how she feels about everything—including her relationship with you.
There’s some truth to the idea that emotions can fluctuate. But where I take issue is how Deida implies that women, especially in relationships, should not grow emotionally.
And you just have to accept her “nature” as is. But let’s be honest, that’s not her nature. That’s a GIRLS nature. A grown woman can not just throw tantrums whenever she feels like.
If we believe that women are governed entirely by their emotions and can’t control them, we do them a disservice. This kind of thinking could prevent women from maturing emotionally, thus hurting THEM (I.e. divorce, breakups, cheating).
Take marriage, for instance. A healthy marriage requires emotional maturity from both partners.
Sometimes you have to commit to someone (I.e. chores, sex, kids) even when you don’t feel like it. Emotional intelligence is vital.
For example, you might be tired or stressed, but a hug when you come home from work or a kind word can make a big difference. You do it because it’s what you know is right—not because you feel like it at the moment.
Women, just like men, should develop emotional maturity and not rely entirely on feelings. We all have emotional highs and lows, but we can’t allow emotions to dictate our actions forever.
This childish energy that Deida praises in women is refreshing at times, but we can’t afford to live in a perpetual state of emotional childhood. We have responsibilities—especially if we have kids.
It’s this whole Instagram Maledives idea. You know, these hot influencers with their sugar daddies that do nothing but travel, eat good, food, and buy clothes.
Isn’t this UTTERLY, UTTERLY boring after like max 2 years?
And even if these ladies enjoy it, it doesn’t apply to 99% of people.
And I am here for sensible consumer advice 😀
(At the topic of it, I offer my beloved coaching again! People asked for it, so it is back, read more about it here)
Does This Book Promote Feminism?
As I continue reading, I can’t help but wonder: Is this book unintentionally promoting feminist ideals?
After all, feminism often preaches that women are perfect as they are and should have complete autonomy in all areas of life, even if those choices are unhealthy.
And they DO lol
But, we know from statistics that not all behaviors—like promiscuity—are good for women. Wouldn’t it be better for a husband or father to guide her in making healthier decisions?
The book seems to imply that men should love women unconditionally, regardless of their behavior. While I understand the importance of unconditional love, there should be boundaries.
Not everything a woman does is acceptable—just like men should be held to a standard of behavior. Emotional maturity involves understanding that feelings aren’t always accurate, and sometimes we need to override them for the sake of growth.
Feelings vs. Truth: The Issue of Lying
One chapter in the book claims that women are not liars.
Like, never. Even if she “objectively lies.”
(There is no such thing as an subjective or objective lie. It’s just a lie.)
Deida argues that if a woman says she doesn’t want to do something, but then later changes her mind, it’s not lying—it’s simply her feelings in the moment. He says that a woman’s truth is what she feels in that instant.
This feels like a complete dismissal of the importance of truth. For a man or anyone with a masculine mindset, sticking to your word is a fundamental value.
Yet, in this book, feelings are prioritized over truth, which is something we’ve seen more and more in recent years with feminism and the left. We’ve arrived at a place where emotions are often treated as more important than objective reality.
I mean, just look at the entire trans and pride movement. Pronouns? It’s all feelings, ignoring biological reality.
If your wife says she wants to move, then later says she doesn’t, the question becomes: What are we really prioritizing? Is it the emotional moment, or the commitment we made together?
Like if we decided together on moving and she then last minute changes her mind, imma be furious. And rightly so.
This is where I take issue with Deida’s approach. Marriage requires both partners to act with maturity and stick to their decisions, regardless of how they feel in any given moment.
The Call for Emotional Maturity in Women
In conclusion, I think what we need today is not just a push for emotional intelligence but emotional maturity. Women, like men, need to recognize that feelings can’t always dictate their actions.
Yes, they can be important, but they can’t be the sole drivers of behavior, especially in a marriage. A relationship built on love, commitment, and shared values requires both partners to rise above their emotions when necessary.
That’s why movements like the “trad-wife” movement are gaining traction. Many women are realizing that emotional maturity and the ability to submit to their husbands, not out of weakness, but out of mutual respect, is essential for a healthy relationship.
Let me know what you think about this book and my perspective. Have you read it? Do you think it’s helpful, or do you feel it misses the mark? Drop a comment below, and let’s continue the conversation.
Cheers,
Alexander
