The red pill has a bad reputation. Not just among women for having their secrets shared and “how to get them to do what you want”, but also because it makes a lot of men literally hate women, or at least very angry towards them. I have been in the anger phase myself, so I figured I write a post on how to overcome that and end up loving women for what and how they are despite being redpilled.
Sources for anger
Before we get into the overcoming factor, let’s first find out where these emotions really come from. By the way, if you don’t know what the red pill is, you need to read the Rational Male and/or the Red pill subreddit. Now, why would anyone be angry about discovering the secrets of women?
- Betrayal. The feeling that you knew all these facts all along, but everyone, society, women, friends led you astray, and turning you into a provider husband/boyfriend, thus ruining your sex-life and more. This went on your whole life, since you actually cared for boobs, and now you feel like an idiot for having believed all that.
- Fear of being used. Once you realize the “Beta bucks, Alpha fucks” term and what it means, you immediately question if your wife/girlfriend/women, in general, aren’t just using you as an ATM machine. In hand with this, you usually also get the gut feeling of your girl cheating, because she needs to get her “Alpha fucks” somewhere, and since you’re the beta, that isn’t you. And this fear quickly turns into anger, even if there is no evidence, whatsoever.
- Chaos. When you realize that your decisions in regard to women have been based on completely false presumptions all your life, you are thrown into chaos. It wasn’t necessarily wrong, but you didn’t know all the details. If you did, you might have decided otherwise. Especially in marriage, this is a big key: you usually exchange commitment towards women in exchange for sexual availability. Now it feels like your wife has breached the contract, and since you feel like that was deliberately (Hypergamy and all that), you don’t know where you even are in your life.
- Regret / Sunk cost fallacy. Once you realize how women work, and you recapitulate past scenarios, you notice how many women and/or opportunities for sex, or even crazy sex you missed because you played the role society put on you. This feeling of regret can make you very angry. “I could’ve had a fucking threesome behind the club if only I didn’t feel bad about exploiting that obviously horny girl!”
Or in the case of marriage, “I put up with starfish sex for so long, or even begging for more! If only I knew how to get her horny beforehand!”
A lot of this is rooted in regret. And regretting past actions, or the lack thereof is wasting more time. You cannot change the past, you can influence the future. Regretting the things you missed won’t bring them back. It is important to learn from the past, so you don’t make the same mistakes again but beware of not getting consumed by it. How?
Regretting the past means living in the past, despite it being unchangeable. Live in the present.The Conqueror
Implications of unaddressed anger
It works similar to the 5 stages of grief. You will deny it, you will negotiate about it, but before you truly accept it, you need to overcome the anger-phase. All the things I mentioned above will make you very angry. Not just towards yourself, but also towards women.
Now, some men end up being consumed by the anger phase. Rollo Tomassi called this “The Abyss”. They learn the truths, but they stay in that anger phase forever. Ironic that Rollo should say this because his Twitter feed is full of hate towards women. Not once is there ever mentioned how to live with women other than to game them. I don’t want to shit too much on him, but beware if you follow him or other Red Pill guys on Twitter. See through the posts if it is only shitting on women with a Red Pill lens, or if there is legit advice on how to work with them. Like this blog post.
Some men even take it so far they join the MGTOW (Men going their own way). These lads say, they couldn’t be bothered to play these games with women, and be used as an ATM machine, and thus completely refrain from any interactions with women whatsoever. To me, these are the same losers as incels. They project their insecurity and laziness to get things to work onto women, painting them as the devil, therefore shifting all the blame, and taking zero responsibility. If you follow me for a while, I hate that kind of mindset.
But this is also why this message sells so well. You can just put all the faults on women in general, you do nothing wrong for being a man. You have zero responsibility, get to shit on society, and are the “correct one” who doesn’t play games. But this is not the red pill. The red pill is just a toolset.
Moving past the anger
This basically comes down to acceptance. It means, not just knowing the Red Pill reality, but also its implications. It basically means a shift in how you look at things.
The anger phase itself
Realize that there is no way around the anger phase. You WILL need to live through it. And how long it lasts really depends on yourself. For me, it was about a month, plus some weeks of lingering resentment, until I finally accepted the new reality. Picture yourself living in Chaos, that is where you are right now in your anger phase. Your reality shifted completely, but you don’t know how to apply the tools properly. How to get things going, this irritates you like crazy. This WILL streamline itself, but it takes time.
The best thing you can do is to introspect. You are grieving right now, and it is fine. But understand where those emotions are coming from. You lost something, right? Trust, beliefs, connection. Whatever it is. Realize it is not the woman/women you’re hating, it is yourself. For believing the lies you were told. For doing all that bullshit despite knowing better deep down.
Most importantly, DO NOT make major life decisions in this phase. Do not call it quits with your girl. You are very emotional right now. You probably will end up in fights (I did for sure), but don’t throw shit like you don’t care about anything anymore. Women are not to blame for their nature. If that were the case, they could be angry at all men for being horny at virtually every woman out there. A healthy woman accepts all men being attracted to tits. So a healthy man needs to learn and accept that all women are attracted to confident, winning men.
If you have a red pilled guy around you, talk with him about these feelings. Or DM me or get in touch with Pat Stedman (relationship coach for men). DO NOT under any circumstance talk to your wife / gf about it. Keep the dissected boobs (important post).
The sunk cost fallacy
This might be misinterpreted, so bear with me. The sunk cost fallacy is from economics and means “that past costs (actions) are paid and cannot be recurred”. This is generally used if you spend 10 million on a new product, and then you hit a plateau and can’t get it finished, or only with high costs. If you then try to shove 20 million more into it because you already spend ten, you fell prey to the sunk-cost fallacy. Just because you spent so much already, doesn’t mean putting in more will magically fix it.
Time spent on something cannot be brought back. Look into the future, if spending even more time on it will solve issues.The Conqueror
A lot of you might interpret that as, “I spent so much time, money, and effort on this woman, keeping her might be wrong.” and while I agree that this is probably the case for a lot of men in their marriages, be careful with this thinking. Elaborate this after you overcome your anger, but not right now. For now, think of it this way, “The past has been paid. There is nothing I can do about it. I shall look into the present and future, to see where this is going.”
Direction of your anger towards women
See, if you follow a lot of guys on Twitter (as I mentioned above), you might be thinking that women are those evil simpletons, controlled by the hypergamous hivemind. “The feminine imperative” and all those buzzwords. Like all women are out there, plotting to overtake the world. Trust me, they’re not. Women are not malicious for acting like women. That’s just their nature. Being mad at women for pursuing their sexual strategy is being mad at women for being women. It’s pointless and will drive you very quickly to MGTOW and the Abyss.
Behaving as they do is the very definition of feminine. It is who they are. And if you were who you are as a man, you would have fewer issues with women in general. So the problem isn’t the girls, it is that you weren’t who you were supposed to be. Hating them, therefore, does nothing but take responsibility from you. And as I always say: responsibility = power. If you are responsible, YOU can change the outcome.
You need to shift your perception. When your woman is shit-testing you and is being emotional and irrational, that means she is currently close to her nature as a woman. That is good! It means, she isn’t turning into a feminist soon, she is a bubbly, emotional being in your life. Now I love shit-tests from my wife because it tells me she is a natural woman, and I can have fun with it. How you interact with that will shape what you get from life. This will take time, months before you accept that as good. Don’t rush things.
Channel your anger
Just like sexual energy, anger is a very strong driving force. Or can be. If you learn to channel it into another direction. Burn off that energy by lifting weights. Get those reps in, channel the anger you have against women into the iron bar in front of you. Lift that shit for the bitch it is. Work on your car, fix things around the house, go for a run, whatever it is. Physical activity works well to boost your adrenaline. Do these things until you are too tired to be angry.
If you just sit there, being in an angry state, nothing good will come from that. I always feel very relieved after the gym. It’s a great feeling. Get moving! Get that anger out!
A great man channels his most powerful emotions into something of usefulness.The Conqueror
Remember, that we’re all going to die. Does it really matter if you didn’t get your dick wet yesterday? Read up on stoicism, it will bring great peace to your mind. Revel in the possibility that the future holds for you. Now that you have that knowledge, your future life can and should look very different from the past.
Your lifetime is precious, wasting any minute more on being angry about it is just wasting even more important lifetime. Get back into the hobbies you enjoyed, pick up new ones, distract your thoughts from women, do things YOU want. Meet new people, talk to friends, go out, socialize!
In a thousand years, nobody will remember you. No point in living the past, or the future. Live now. It is all you have.The Conqueror
I came to red pill because I didn’t get the sex I wanted from my wife. Now, after working through it I don’t care so much about sex anymore. I have bigger things in my mind than the fleeting pleasure of sex. Of course, it still feels nice and is a great bonding mechanism, but it isn’t all there is to life. You only have this one life. Make something of it! Don’t mourn the past, live in the present, plan for the future. Become a great man, take the world out of its angles and change its course forever!
Are you still grieving? Feeling bad? Need a Morpheus figure, a red pilled guy to help you out? Put your thoughts in the comments below!