Why you Need Struggle as a Man

That makes no sense, right? Why would struggle, and being in a miserable state be good for you? What is there to learn in the face of adversity? And what to gain from it?

Two reasons:

  • You’ve been deprived of it
  • It helps you grow and win at life

There are a bunch of reasons why you should actively seek struggle in your life. It is part of being a man. Your masculinity asks you to take on tasks that are difficult. It makes you grow as a person, makes you develop new skills, sharpen existing ones.

And thus makes you a better man for society, your family, yourself.

Struggle for sex instead of quick-shooting for porn

Quite literally, this porn culture is all about fucking. Porn is very unhealthy for you, especially as a man.

The point is the unending novelty.

See, throughout most of human history, the majority of men didn’t actually reproduce. Only 1 in 17 men had children. The rest of them died on a battlefield, starved to death or were killed by another dude over mating with a woman.

These days, though? No problem. Log into your PC. Or worse, just open the phone you constantly have with you, open a browser and check Pornhub or whatever. Instant dopamine-kick for seeing sex.

You don’t actually have sex. But the dopamine-kick sets in anyway. Your brains dopamine-center can’t differ between seeing a sexual act in front of you, while you have it, and one in front of you, happening on a screen.

So now you constantly get the dopamine-kick for sex which was very difficult to get throughout history. You had to struggle hard and long to actually get to have sex with a woman.

The issue with getting sex too easily

Beautiful woman with big eyes you need to struggle to get
Most men would struggle to get such a woman in their bed. See where I am going with this?

Sex is one of our strongest drives. And it releases the most dopamine and feel-good-hormones. And these days, this is way too easy to get.

Struggle, or friction makes you grow as a person.

You have to overcome obstacles to achieve your goal. Even though sexual novelty changed, life’s biggest events are still a struggle. Becoming rich, keeping your marriage up, raising children, staying in contact with your friends, bettering society.

And there is a reason why that is.

Because if you have to overcome obstacles to get what you want, you need to face your own flaws, bad habits. You need to make mistakes and bad decisions, but still keep going.

This sharpens your skills, makes you grow as a person.

All the really important goals in life are still hidden behind adversity. The difference these days is, you’re not trained in struggling.

Back in the days, boys were growing up constantly facing issues. They had to build a great armor at a young age. Not only physical. Also mental.

A true man is not just a man. He becomes a man by having his armor tested through countless battles.

The conqueror

Look at the classic 20-year-old “man” today. What does he do?


Did I just picture you?

The issues with an easy society

Four young women eating fast food
No struggle to get that bad food, and probably some sex scenes from these girls online.

Everything is easy in our current culture. Food, shelter, sex.

You can even order food online today. You can buy houses online, and you can get sex immediately with one click.

Everything worthwhile is to be had with one click.

The problem is, it isn’t the real deal. And while your limbic brain might have issues discerning between real sex and pixelated sex on a screen, your soul knows.

That’s why you feel bad after masturbating to porn, and you don’t feel bad after a great sex-session with a real woman.

That’s why eating a fish you hunt yourself tastes way better than that highly-processed thing from the supermarket.

Your soul knows, you had to work for it. You had to overcome issues. You needed to grow as a person to get these great things. That’s why it feels better.

A sugary example

I like chocolate. Pretty much everyone does. But I have this mental and real-life set up that I only eat sweets every other day, and only a few bunch in the evening.

Through that, I actually have more fun eating sweets than most people.


On the day I get to eat them, I am actually looking forward to it. The sweet taste, the smooth, melting chocolate. It’s an experience.

If you can have it every day anyway, it’s not special. Why would it? Nothing is stopping you from eating it right now.

That’s why when you come back from a 2-week trip to your wife, the sex is way better. Why? You were really looking forward to it!

When you can have it every day, it’s fine, but not really THAT exciting. If you cannot have it, and finally get to have it after a certain timeframe, it’s way more exciting. Why?

You had to overcome your own struggle of setting back your urges instead of getting that immediate gratification.

A society of immediate gratification builds weak men

masculinity warrior1

I’ve been there, my friend. I’ve been exactly the type of man I described above. Addicted to all these dopamine-kicks, without achieving anything.

And the reason for all this was the fact, that I grew up without real struggle. Mostly because I didn’t grow up with a father who put me through some struggles, but also because this society is like that, today.

You don’t have any problems throughout most of your day and life. Everything is taken care of. You don’t need to hunt because there is no danger to starve. You don’t need to become a man of character either, because there is no need to attract a mate.

It’s all just there for you to grab.

So you stay that miserable meaty lump of useless, meaningless, and irrelevant potential that isn’t used.

A man that does something and fails has more worth than a man merely existing without challenges.

The conqueror

Like most men these days.

The Spartans raised their boys with ruthless military training. From the age of 7, they were trained physically, as well as mentally. And they are known to have had the best fighters the Earth has ever seen.

To this day, we talk about them.

For good reason. Those men faced tons of struggles and adversities a man these days can’t even think of.

That made them grow, made them such great men, that everyone talks about them, 2 millennia later.

Why seek struggle? Delayed gratification

We all know that delayed gratification is the “secret” to success. You need to play the long game.

Struggling and facing adversity is basically delayed gratification.

You struggle now, you get your reward later.

Instead of getting the reward now, without having to face issues for it. And the delayed rewards always yield better results.

All the great things take a while to work out. As Lionel Messi said.

It took me 8 years to get lucky over night.

Lionel Messi

How to invite positive struggle into your life?

Crazy built masculine bodybuilder huge muscles
You think this man had so struggle with diet, exercising, and not indulging in bad habits to get such an insanely crazy body? Probably?

Think about you. And your life. What did you achieve so far?

  • Are you financially independent or do you live from paycheck to paycheck?
  • Do you spend your money on important things? Or are you trying to impress others?
  • What do you spend your time on? Building something that lasts, or checking what others build?
  • Do you have an intimate relationship? Or is it just a status on Facebook “In a relationship?”
  • Do you have a real connection with your friends? Or are you liking their food pics on Instagram?
  • Do you eat proper, nutritious food? Or is it full of sugar for the small dopamine-kicks?
  • Can you be proud of your life so far? Or are you merely an irrelevant background actor in this blip of time you exist in this universe?

I asked myself these questions almost two years ago. And it shocked me. And I hope it did the same for you. Wake up!

You are wasting your life!

Time is THE most important asset ANY human has. You can’t negotiate for it. All the money in the world can’t buy your life’s time. And you waste it on social media, porn, or video games.

Learn to thrive in the struggle!

Start anything you suck at. Write books, make youtube clips, talk to people, apply for a new job, ask for a payraise, tell your woman that the sex-life sucks and you want to improve it. Anything!

All of it will make you uncomfortable. And that is precisely the reason why you need to do it.

A true man knows, the things which bring the most uncomfortable feelings, are the ones he needs to attack first.

the conqueror

Go out and do things you are afraid of.

This is the way to invite positive adversity into your life. By doing things voluntarily, instead of waiting until life throws a curveball at you, and you have to deal with bad things.

This ruined your perception of struggle. When bad things come your way, it always feels bad.

But if you do these things voluntarily, and come out better and stronger at the end, suddenly, struggling in life isn’t so bad.

The comfort zone is hell. You don’t feel good at the end of the day, if you managed nothing, do you?

But you feel amazing once you actually accomplished something, right? And it feels even better if it was difficult to gain.

Guess why that is?

You earned it!

Earn your life. Because no one else will do it for you.


nice guy gets laid free info
  • Due to our society you were never trained in adversity and how to overcome it
  • The best things in life still depend on overcoming struggle, which is why you don’t achieve
  • Voluntarily put yourself in adversity. Do hard things, escape your comfort zone
  • Start anything you’re bad at. Learn something new, try something new. See your life improve in no time.

Behind that wall of fear, which is rooted in your comfort zone, are the best things in life.

Nothing easy is ever worthwhile.

Do hard shit and see how it improves your life. Learn to LOVE adversity.
If life is too easy, make it harder.


— Alexander Graves

Did you ever endure some heavy struggles in your life? How did it feel after you came out on top afterward? Let me know in the comments.

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About Alexander Graves

About Alexander Graves

Hey there! I'm Alexander Graves and I teach men how to live a life of happiness, abundance, and joy, without using weird techniques. Just by being your authentic self.