Society constantly makes fun of marriage. These days, living in this very fucked up culture means, that you hook up with multiple people, sometimes at once. You don’t truly commit to anyone. And even if you decide to go for a relationship, you might end up as a cuckold, watching your girl get shafted by some big black cock. So, naturally men ask themselves, should you get married in 2020?
The implications of getting married
It only has drawbacks, right?
- One woman forever, and you’re stuck, even if she goes crazy
- Sex will inevitably go downhill because it gets boring
- You give up half your shit
- You give up most of your time, with kids even more so
- No blowjobs
- Losing most of your friends
- Buying a house you can’t actually afford, which means working overtime to pay for the house where you don’t even get your own room
- Your wife prolly gets fat, so you don’t even like looking at her anymore
I could go on for a while. People have ALL sorts of reasons to hate on marriage.
But did you notice something in that list? All of it is shallow. And most of it is your fault.
Let me explain…
Now, I thought similarly about this for the longest time. Why would I shackle myself to one woman, if there are billions of them? You will miss out on so many things if you choose to be with that one woman forever. Still, most people do it, so there’s gotta be something to it?
Yes, making the choice to be with one person forever is stupid.
But the alternative is way worse.
Just think about what both of you are actually saying to each other in a relationship without being married: “Well, for now, you’re the best thing I can trick. But I’d like to reserve my right to trade you in if I stumble into anyone better.”
That’s not just you thinking this way about your woman. She thinks the same. Even though both sexes follow different reasons to have sex or choose partners, I.e. their sexual strategy, the result of not being married is the same.
Because if you weren’t trying to reserve that right, you could get married right now. What would stop you? But both of you aren’t 100% sure about the other. So, meh, rather not get too heavy into that.
How can anyone not be insulted to their core by this statement?
Why was marriage invented? Sexual strategies
If you know anything about how man and woman choose their sexual mating partners, you will quickly realize, that marriage doesn’t fit into that at all. Which is also why the majority of our human lifespan on this planet, we weren’t in monogamous relationships.
Men’s sexual strategy is called polygamy. And women’s sexual strategy is called hypergamy. (More about hypergamy and how women operate here). Quickly explained, that means, men try to fertilize as many different women as possible, and women try to be fertilized by the best male possible.
Which, if you think about it, explains a whole lot about both sexes. Man takes 5 min or more – depending on your skills – to reproduce. But a woman will be out of the sexual marketplace for 9 months at least if she decides to reproduce. So naturally, the strategies for both are very different.
So anyway, for both, however, it can always happen that someone else comes along who fits the strategy better. Another woman to increase the chance of your offspring. Or a man with better genes to maximize your chance in having healthy offspring. So why did we end up with marriage?
Societal stability through marriage
I actually have a whole post about this topic here. But let’s summarize it quickly. Stability. Polygamous societies tend to become violent very quickly. The Alpha males get all the women (Hypergamy), and the beta males get no pussy, or maybe what’s “leftover” so they can’t fertilize more than one (polygamy).
Young, unmarried men tend to commit more crimes. Many reasons, but one of which for sure is the lack of sex, especially if the Alpha males get all the beautiful women. Interesting article about this phenomenon here.
Basically, on both sides of the spectrum, there was some resentment. The lower status males didn’t get to reproduce, and the “not-so-lucky-in-genetics” women didn’t get picked by the Alpha’s, so they couldn’t reproduce either.
And as with any resentment, this will quickly turn into anger, hate, and suddenly, people were setting their tribes on fire.
And this is where men (yes, we) decided to invent marriage. So, more people could get something from the cake, and they would stop setting societies on fire. Rulers invented marriage to suppress crime. Sounds too animalistic to be true? Remember, we’re monkeys floating on an organic spaceship through space. If our basic needs aren’t met, we go apeshit.
Benefits of being married
Obviously, there have to be some benefits. Otherwise, no one would do it. And as a married man myself, I can report. Outside of stability for society, and beta males still getting some, here are your personal benefits:
- Constant access to sex (if you know how)
- Bonding with one person (we’re meant to do that)
- Kids come out better with both parents around
- Sharing problems and issues (to some degree, read further)
- Stability and predictability in your life
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Constant access to sex in marriage? Good one!” But if you know what you’re doing, this is totally possible for I’d say 80% of couples. But it depends on what and how you lead your life. I’ll get to that.
On top of that, it generally brings stability in your life, you can focus on other things, and you have – if you do it right – a feminine woman around who loves cooking, baking, nurturing, and admiring you. That’s what we want. But for this to happen, you need to be a proper man.
Do I really need that as a high value man? The role of a good wife
If you are successful, winning, and have no issue in finding a woman to satisfy your sexual needs. You might ask yourself, why would I shackle myself? Well, that depends. Do you ever want to have a deeper relationship? Or just sex?
Look. As a high value man, you choose who is in your life. You don’t really need a girl in your life, and if you have your emotions under control, you probably won’t solely decide on love.
But maybe, at some point, you wonder, if there isn’t more to a woman than just her body. Or even her radiant femininity. Maybe, she can offer more than that? See, a proper chosen woman will admire you, she will support you in your mission, your goals, she will push you, and keep you going. Even if you might’ve quit sooner.
How does a good wife support her husband?
You might wonder how she does it? Through shit-tests. You might have heard about this term before, and most men think it is annoying as hell. It’s basically her nagging. “You never take out the trash!” “You wanted to paint the garage floor four weeks ago!”
Realize, that in this moment she isn’t bothered with the garage floor or the trash. She couldn’t care less. What really bothers her is that you don’t stick to your word. You said, you were going to do it, but then you didn’t. Which means she can’t trust your word.
And if she can’t. Nobody can.
A good wife will more or less force you to become the best you could ever be.
I was annoyed by that nagging for the longest time. Until I came across the book The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida which I would highly recommend reading. It outlines pretty well, why women do this. Not because they are insufferable cunts (well, most aren’t), but because they want you to be the best you can be.
Because you want to be that person.
But for some reason you ditched your goals, you don’t stick to your own word. You hate yourself for it. Maybe without noticing it. So your wife will push you to do it. And because women communicate differently, she will never say it directly. You need to “get it” yourself. She is just nudging you in the right direction.
Marriage makes you honest
A true man knows, you can only know thyself, if there is no way to back out.The conqueror
You truly know who you are, when you’re backed in a corner with no options. That pressure reveals your true self. In other words, you’re never truly honest with your partner and yourself unless you are married.
I get a lot of shit for that statement, but it is true. Think about it. You can never fully let your soul fly with your loose-connected partner. Why? You never know if that might irritate him/her so much, they just be like, “Enough of this, man. I’m out.”
In a relationship without true commitment, you’re constantly like a scared cat, wandering on eggshells, not trying to rock the boat too heavily, since your partner might just jump said boat.
How is that a nice way to live?
You have to realize, that marriage is a way to find yourself. For me, I noticed that I was a weak beta loser. Sure, I got a woman, sex, and even got married. But by betaness truly manifested itself after marriage. Because I stopped putting in the effort, and couldn’t handle rejection.
Waking up to this made me realize who I really am. The pressure of possibly living forever in a sexless marriage made me go on a journey to find the truth. Which made me end up with The Rational Male, David Deida, Jordan Peterson, and other great men, which ended up in creating this blog.
All of it was because I put myself in that situation of marriage, where the stakes are raised, and I had to be honest with myself, who I really am, and what I am doing wrong. I had to conquer myself. Which then was the name for this blog.
The happiness fallacy
See, people these days think, you always need to be happy. If your relationship isn’t unicorns and cakes at any given time, it is bad.
That is fucking weak!
What kind of a weak world-view on life is that? Life is struggle! It throws curveballs at you at any given time. How can you be happy 24/7 in such an environment? You can’t! And your relationship can’t either.
You can only cherish the upsides of your life, if you soldier through the downsides.The conqueror
People underestimate the deep bond that is possible if your partner actually reveals all of their flaws. Of course, that means, you will get irritated, and annoyed, and pissed, and you will fight occasionally. But that is part of being human. We’re flawed creatures. In a flawed world. How can anyone expect to live perfectly by interacting with flawed creatures at all times?
Being married for 20 years isn’t a sign of happiness. It’s a sign of growth. A sign of character!
The best and happiest marriages are the ones where they had to overcome obstacles. That made them stronger. Of course, while the situation was happening, it was shit. But afterward, you feel really great for overcoming it.
This is, for example, why it is said that you are the happiest with kids after they moved out. While they are around, it’s a tough situation, but when they moved out, and you made proper people out of them, you accomplished something. You fulfilled your contract with nature.
What marriage is for
And that’s how we come back to why people got initially married.
It makes you grow as a person.
If you are married, you become a better person. Why? Because you can’t just run away when problems arise. You have to face them full-frontal or you will live in misery for decades (which some people do, I know).
You truly, actually, and fully get to know your partner. Trust me, a woman can be much more than just a collection of nice bodyparts you splurge your seed in or on. If you truly let yourself go. And she does as well. You will experience a sensation like no other. And, yes, even in sex. Your biggest sex organ is your brain. Try to stimulate that for once!
Also, without being able to run away, you have to face your own issues as well. Your partner will (or should) tell you those. So you can address them, and become a better person overall. Again, marriage is there to make both of you grow into someone better.
I would argue most people don’t get into marriages because they would need to face their own problems. Too much work.
Beerbellys and dry pussies
A lot of people get complacent when they’re married. Man and woman alike. You already shackled that person onto you. Why would you bother with the gym, nice clothes or eating proper, right? Well, how about self-respect? How about you do it for yourself? (Except it will also fix your sexless marriage).
Anyway, the safety net of marriage also helps you not feeling lonely. Focusing on other things instead of scrolling Tinder 24/7. You don’t care about the fact that society wants you to hook up with a transwoman, despite the fact that she has a dick. But you’re a bigot if you don’t. All this bullshit, retarded people pull these days, doesn’t phase you.
I am married. And I look at the dating scene like a bottomless pit of hot, burning garbage. There is no happiness to be found in trying to conform to all these labels.
Do you think about polygamy? Just hooking up with lots of women? Not caring about relationships at all? Well, think about this:
If a man has a lot of exchangeable partners. He is nothing more than an exchangeable partner himself.The conqueror (or Jordan Peterson)
Trust me. Getting your soul to connect with another one is hard. It is way more embarrassing than dropping your pants. Anyone can do that. These days for sure. The counterculture seems to not be one of the sheep that lives a shallow life without depth.
Just like how struggle is actually good for you, such is struggling in a relationship. It makes you grow. Makes you enjoy the ups that inevitably follow the downs.
If your relationship is currently shit, this means you need to do something. Either you fix yourself, talk about the issue, and repair it. Or you muster up the courage to end it. Both outcomes make you grow. You come out a better person.
Dealing with other people in close relationships is a way to improve yourself! Conquer yourself!
So I need to marry then?
Not so quickly. Because, even though the institution of marriage was made for lots of good reasons, and it does make you a better person, these days, the marriage 2.0, is different. And there are reasons for it.
The average marriage in the west these days lasts for 8.2 years. “Until death does us apart.” So I’d imagine most people die after 8 years. And this is part of the issue.
Most people don’t get married with the intention of the marriage. They get married for the wedding.
A big party, huge dress, fancy dinner for thousands of Dollars. And then they’re married, and the fancy is over. And especially in the U.S., where divorce rape is a real thing I would be very cautious.
Just bear in mind, most men just marry whoever was in their life at this point. Maybe sex is still fire, but because you will let yourself go after the wedding, sex will go down. How to counter this?
- Keep yourself fit, healthy, confident, and leading
- Vet your woman properly, ask yourself this, “If sex wouldn’t exist, would I still be around this woman?” Do you like her? Not love. Do you LIKE her?
- Does she like sex? This is a tough question because you might trick yourself. Ask yourself honestly, is she into dick?
- Does your gut tell you, you can do better? Or does she incorporate the things you want?
- Are you ready to marry and have kids? Or do you want to do other things first?
- Does she spout “feminist” messages, and is she pretty masculine sometimes? If so, don’t marry her
Should you get married as a man?
I know I talked a lot before finally answering this question, but you need that information up front, to understand. Because I cannot answer this question for you. Personally, I always say, “Yes, but…”
Vet your woman properly. With the questions above. Read the section below and this post about re-igniting your married sex life. It’s also very important to understand how to keep it up. Literally.
People call me shallow for focusing so much on sex, but humans need sex. And sex is the best way to connect two souls and keep your woman interested in your leadership. Read the Sex god method summary here. This (free) book will teach you a lot. And especially, how you can be so good in bed, that your woman will never care about someone else.
Sex is always an effect, not the cause of issues. If sex is down, you don’t lead properly. So if sex is frequent, and hot in your marriage, chances are high that everything’s fine.
So remember this list if you want to get married:
- Vet your woman properly (list above)
- Be a proper man, if you aren’t yet, do that first
- Be aware of the positive as well as negative implications
- Realize where you live and how marital laws are set up
- Marry because of the marriage and your personal growth, not because of the wedding
- Keep in mind why you are doing this. For your benefit, not because “it is time”
- Marry with a decision. CHOOSE your woman, don’t be chosen by her
If you keep these things in mind, I’d say you’re set 90% of the time to absolutely marry and reap the benefits. Sometimes you still get cucked. You can’t know the future and that person lying next to you 100%. See it as an opportunity for growth.
Approach this like a man. Rationally decide on things. If you choose by emotion, you’re choosing like a woman. And if you go into the marriage like a woman, well, how do you think this will go down?
How to have a successful marriage? What you need to know first
Sex. Yes, it is that simple. Originally, marriage was the only way to get sex at all. Before you were married, you never got to see her naked. These days, sex isn’t even part of the marital laws. Which is bad, because sex is very detrimental for a healthy marriage. Don’t believe the lies that it’s normal for sex to go down in marriage. Or that women just aren’t as much into sex. It’s all bullshit.
The most common reason for divorce is money issues. But the second highest reason for a couple divorcing is sex. Or lack thereof rather. So if you conquer yourself, fix your finances, and then keep your sex-life alive (which sort of ties together), you’re on a good way to a happy marriage.
However, sex is not the only thing important for a working marriage. But it lays a proper pattern on everything within it.
You lead, she follows
Back to biology. Women want a proper man, right? The best mate they can get. These men are dominant, confident, and successful. Because back then, these traits were an indicator for survival and the skills to protect her and her offspring from predators. This hasn’t changed, because why would it? Yes, there aren’t real predators in your bedroom besides you, but there are still dangers in this world where a woman needs protecting from.
So she seeks someone who has his shit under control. You don’t need to fight off lions, but you need to be able to afford a living for her. You should be able to defend her from burglars breaking into your house, and you should have some sort of social status, so she can admire you.
If you are that man, she gladly follows you.
Let us come back to sex. In the most basic position, the woman is submissive, and the man dominant. This is the pattern you need to apply everywhere in life. You are the leader, she WANTS to follow you, even if she might voice differently. Read this post about how communicating with your wife is bullshit. Women work very differently than us men.
A leader has people who follow him voluntarily. A tyrant as people who follow them because they have to.
You want to be the leader. You lead by example. Fit, healthy, confident, a great man. So she wants to follow you. If you manage to be that man, your marriage will thrive. And then you can reap all the benefits of marriage. If you want to know how to be that man, check this out.
Be aware what you do
Depending on where you live, the government might be actively against you. In the U.S. for example, getting married is dangerous territory for a man. The marital laws are literally against you. You should at least have a decent income – which, if you conquered yourself, shouldn’t be an issue – to pay shit off, if things ever go down.
And I know it is a bad mindset to go into a marriage. But in the end, you are alone on this planet. Even if a woman comes around to stay on your boat. So you always need to keep your own safety in mind. This means, always keep some side money around to bail you out if need be.
And after all, always trust your gut.
Tell me what you think in the comments. How is your feeling about getting married in this day and age?