Why being happy doesn’t make you happy

You might have already realized that I have a bunch of issues with this society and how things are portrayed. But one of my biggest pet-peeves is the fact that everyone always only strives for happiness. Be happy everywhere!

You need money to be happy. That you need tons of sex to be happy. You need multiple women even to be happy. Whatever.

And all of this is fucking weak!

Happy vs. happy

See, life is struggle. If you have a certain age you have probably been through some shit. It happens, that what life is about. Because you get thrown curveballs all the time you need to parry. And I think the people who been through the hardest shit, are the happiest. How so?

They know the other side.

If you never experience bad things, you don’t really know how it feels to be happy. It’s a different kind of happiness. We all feel it to some degree, but if you know the deep abyss that is possible in life, when murphy’s law sets in and all the shit rains in at the same time, then you also know the great feeling when you finally overcame all of it.

A happy soldier is one who had his skills tested, for he knows what he is capable of and is not afraid of the unknown future.

The conqueror

Down and out

These dark places you go to and go through when life kicks you in the nuts are a test of your strength. Your mental strength. And people are a lot, lot, lot stronger than you would imagine. You think you can’t handle the fact that this month is pretty tight on many. Trust me, you could handle way heavier stuff.

The key thing is to keep fighting. Have the other side in mind, fight through the trenches to come out victorious. If you let yourself consume by the bad things, you will never experience true happiness.

And this is why a lot of people try to be happy at all times. They are afraid of the dark side of life.

Tension for life

We’re so focused on trying to be happy at all times. Full-blown unicorns and all that, we can’t even truly cherish the good life we have. Most people in western culture are so afraid of losing everything, because they all live on a lease, that they can never experience the true glory of just being.

We live in a world where everything is taken care of at all times. You don’t need to hunt for food, you can get sex everywhere, at all times, you can get multiple forms of dopamine kicks at any minute, and the chance of being randomly killed is pretty low. At least compared to history.

You can only enjoy the beauty and warmth of summer because winter makes you miss it.

The conqueror

So we kind of forget, that this isn’t the default state of life. Life is actually meant to be a test. That’s how we survived as a species. Tension! See, everything in life is built around tension. The basic biology. The sperm that was once you, had to fight the others to get to the egg. Then there was huge tension when he tried to get in the egg and fertilize it. Growing the baby put a lot of pressure and tension on the mother. And, well, we’re not even talking about the birth itself.

We grow and cherish in tension. But we neglect it in this society.

No fear, not good

This sounds weird, I know. But the fact that you never have to worry about anything, isn’t good for you. And it does steal your happiness. You try to compensate with stimuli like Netflix, new clothes, a new car, lots of sex, or whatever. But it isn’t true happiness, because you never really feel bad.

Think about it this way. If you sail the ocean, and it is completely tame. This is kinda boring. Small waves almost don’t rock your boat at all. Nothing happens. But if the sea is rough, you get through a storm, shit gets exciting. Dangerous, but also exciting. You might die, sure. But if you manage to navigate through it, you can truly relax, and be happy about what you achieved.

You survived that hell. It made you a better sailor. You’ve grown as a person!

And by the way, this is also exactly how you should handle relationships with a woman. Read it again with a relationship in mind and the woman being the sea.

Voluntarily unhappy?

Now, obviously I am not telling you to make yourself voluntarily miserable. Just so you can see the goods on the other side. That’s stupid. But be aware, that your chase for happiness isn’t worth it. By which I mean, you hunt for all these shallow, minimal happiness-spikes in your life. Only to not really feel that crazy afterward.

It’s pointless.

Then what? Put yourself into tense situations! Voluntarily. Start something new, do something you never did before, talk to your girl about issues instead of suppressing them to not rock the boat too much. All this stuff.

Make yourself voluntarily unhappy to finally, fully receive true happiness once you overcome them.

A wise man voluntarily takes challenges, for he knows that standing still means falling behind.

The conqueror

How to be truly happy

This will also teach you gratefulness. You will realize all the things you already have. When the sea gets rocky with your girl, you appreciate the good times more. Because if it’s just dumpling along all the time, you are never really happy. Live life with her! Be grateful that you have her and try to make the best of it.

And when you get deeper into that gratefulness, you will realize that it makes you happier. Because you already have a lot of things. You don’t need to hunt for these small dopamine-kicks if your life is already great! You don’t just exist and consume, you live! This will bring great peace to your mind.

Trust me, not caring about material things (unless like food and shelter) is very liberating. You will approach life completely differently. And that will be true happiness, like most of the people still in the Matrix have never experienced.

A tribute to struggle

I am gonna end this post with one of my favorite poems. It’s actually a poem to masculinity, which I had pinned to my Twitter profile for the longest time. But it is also true for struggle, happiness, and life in general. So let Edgar Albert Guest take the wheel.

the selfconquering header

Though victory’s proof of the skill you possess,
Defeat is the proof of your grit;
A weakling can smile in his days of success,
But at trouble’s first sign he will quit.

So the test of the heart and the test of your pluck
Isn’t skies that are sunny and fair,
But how do you stand to the blow that is struck
And how do you battle despair?

A fool can seem wise when the pathway is clear
And it’s easy to see the way out,
But the test of man’s judgment is something to fear,
And what does he do when in doubt?

And the proof of his faith is the courage he shows
When sorrows lie deep in his breast;
It’s the way that he suffers the griefs that he knows
That brings out his worst or his best.

A gif from the movie 300 with leonidas holding a shield in the rain.

The test of a man is how much he will bear
For a cause which he knows to be right,
How long will he stand in the depths of despair,
How much will he suffer and fight?

There are many to serve when the victory’s near
And few are the hurts to be borne,
But it calls for a leader of courage to cheer
The men in a battle forlorn.

It’s the way you hold out against odds that are great
That proves what your courage is worth,
It’s the way that you stand to the bruises of fate
That shows up your stature and girth.

And victory’s nothing but proof of your skill,
Veneered with a glory that’s thin,
Unless it is proof of unfaltering will,
And unless you have suffered to win.

The proof of worth, Edgar Albert Guest

Man standing in a valley at a river with huge mountains

Do you remember situations where you had to struggle heavily, but the feeling after you’ve overcome it felt great? Let me know in the comments!

Start with bodily tension!

If you put tension on your body through weights, it grows! Same principle that’s true everywhere in our life! Put tension on your body and craft the Body of a demi-god. Get the Achilles program here. I’ve been using it for ages!

brad pitt as achilles in the movie troy

Get the program here.

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