You probably don’t have as much sex as you want. And you have a bit of resentment towards the other person. Your annoyed more than you should, and all of that. But she is still the woman you deserve. Why?
(Sidenote about the first statement with sex: This is true for both genders. Yes, women do like a lot of sex as well!)
Your misconception about relationships
You probably think, if it doesn’t work out with this person, I just find someone else who is so much better. Most people think that, but not only is this a weak mindset, it’s also wrong.
Every. Single. Person. On this planet has issues.
Sure, some have more emotional baggage than others, definitely. But we all have our problems. With ourselves, or the other gender.
What makes you think that those will be solved with someone else?
A wise man is aware that the burden of unsolved battles does not vanish.
The conqueror
I usually bring up this point in regards to being married. And why you lie to each other unless you are married. But it’s also true in general relationships. Also with friends, colleagues. For this post imma stick with sexual relationships. But you can apply it everywhere else.
No bullshit outlook on relationships
Any relationship is always a 50/50 equation. Each one of the partners bring in half the goods and half the issues.
This means, that half of what’s wrong is your fault. At least. In the name of extreme ownership and all its benefits, I would recommend developing a mindset of “all of it is your fault,” but more on that later.
If you look at it this way, you should already realize that ditching one person for another will at best solve half your issues.
Considering how everyone has problems, just different ones, all it might do is solve some existing problems with your current girl, and bring in new ones with the next.
If that’s your kind of lifestyle, to just change problems, instead of solving them, more power to you.
Why do you have the woman you deserve? Who are you?
You might be wondering where this is all your fault, right? Let me explain…
Most people want their problems fixed. Or at least taken care of to some degree. Let’s do an example. Summon the husband and his unmet needs for sex, the Nice Guy.
“Hey Honey, wanna have sex today?”
“I’ve got a headache, sorry.”
Why does she never want to have sex?
This guy is pretty common. I was that guy.
According to multiple studies, about 85% of men in marriages want more and more diverse sex. This was their number one issue when asked.
Now, there are multiple issues to this problem, from not being manly enough to spark the sexuality in your woman, to being stressed all the time, to putting her on a pedestal, to being a Nice Guy. The lot.
Uhm, notice something? I only talked about your issues.
I know what you’re thinking, “Maybe, my wife is just one of these dry, frigid women who doesn’t actually like sex?”
Wrong.
Women love sex as much as we do
Well, we could make a case for us men wanting it more often. But generally, women like sex. They would never tell you, but they do.
The reality most likely is, that you lost your masculine grit. Also known as Frame. You lost yourself. Your soul.
Whatever the reason might be. Wrong education, a missing father figure (like in my case), a false sense of the genders, whatever.
You’re not the man you were when you two got together.
You turned from the man she dreams of getting railed from behind on the beach in Malaysia to an ATM machine provider. As a provider, you deserve exactly that kind of sex you have. And that’s why you have the woman you deserve. Because YOU slacked off.
If you live in a marriage, probably with kids, and your wife rarely wants sex, then you turned into a provider (I’ve been there). You’re not her man. You are her provider. And when women are starved of a man, they tend to cheat (not all of them, but, well), or which happens more often: they lose their femininity.
Blaming the woman is weak, go out and fix it!
At this point, most guys blame their women or women in general. Hypergamy and all that. “Those damn bitches.” You name it.
But the blame is on the wrong person. You let yourself become the provider. She certainly didn’t ask for you to become that. Why would she? She loves sex. She fell in love with your older self. A man of charge and leadership. Why would she give up that man?
She fell in love with the Conqueror version of you. But it turned out it was just a fantasy. The real you is still a Nice Guy. You portrayed something you aren’t.
This is on you.
You need to realize, you have work to do. Sure, you can just call it quits, and start anew with a different woman. But the chances are high you will end up at exactly the same place.
Except for this time, you’re already divorced, and prolly have kids. So how about fixing the existing relationship?
Why?
You never fixed your damn issues! (At least) 50% of the issue isn’t solved! You just bring it into the next relationship. And then you’re the one with the emotional baggage while you make fun of such people on Twitter.
What women really want, and you, too
I keep repeating myself. Women want a masculine man.
Masculine doesn’t necessarily mean a strong jawline, sixpack, and being tall (although it certainly helps).
Masculine means decisive, confident, leading.
A masculine man is like a star in the universe. And women are the planets. They are drawn to you by your unending gravitational pull. You are a shining light.
You create life, you make life better, and you help those planets bloom and flourish.
That is exactly what you should be doing as a man. But instead, you’re only a shell of a dim candle in the dark universe.
You have no energy from fapping to porn, you have no mission and thus no gravitation.
And you wonder why the planets around you are withering away?
Your woman is your best creation. Or worst.
And that’s exactly why you deserve that woman you have! In her feminine, almost ugly, dark state.
She shows you your shortcomings. Not with words, with what she is!
If sex isn’t happening, you have problems to solve with yourself. That was a hard lesson for me. Sex was rarely happening, and it felt like duty-sex or even pity-sex. No passion, or even desire on her part.
Realize that she still loves you, and she knows you have desires as a man, so she will provide herself (just like you do with money), but it’s not the real deal. And both of you truly desire proper sex.
But if you want to gain that back, you need to find your lost soul again. Your masculinity. Your frame.
Remember, THIS and THIS together can easily solve that.
A wise man knows the feminine is a mirror into his soul. If she does not behave as planned, his soul does not behave as planned.
The conqueror
See her as a gift. A challenge. A guide, a muse.
She shows you what’s wrong with you. Not directly, but indirectly.
Instead of mourning how other women look better on your porn sites, create the woman YOU HAVE. Mold her, by being better!
You’re the leader. If you live a great life, she will follow.
Apart from the example of sex, all other areas where she doesn’t fully suffice to your needs, chances are very high, that you lack something from your former self. Or you’re not living up to your masculine potential, to get what you want.
Extreme ownership
This is the title of a truly great book by an ex Navy Seal called Jocko Willink. Pretty famous, and a great man. You can learn a lot from this guys’ mindset.
And he says extreme ownership is your key to getting what you want. Something goes wrong, take complete ownership for all of it. And you know why that is?
The conqueror voluntarily takes all the blame. For he knows it is the only way to change reality.
The conqueror
If you are fully responsible for the outcome, you can change it!
If you blame your wife for the lacking sex, you can do nothing about it. Except leave, which will ruin the next 15 years of your life.
You are helpless. Does that feel great? No. Sure, you can blame her, and all women, but what does that fix?
If you take extreme ownership, and consider yourself fully responsible for things going badly, only then can you change the outcome for the better. Which means, changing yourself. Of course, this isn’t easy. But difficulty is the key to success.
How to get the best out of your woman?
Simple. Be the best.
You want her to lose weight? Lose weight yourself!
- As soon as I started working out from home some more, about 3 weeks later my wife asked if she can join in on that.
- As soon as I started taking care of my sugar intake, really looking into not eating too many carbohydrates, etc, she joined me on it (mostly).
- As soon as I started leading more in the bedroom, she started to become more submissive. Without a single word about it from me.
Lead by example.
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That is how you mold your woman. Be aware that it usually takes weeks or even months before she joins. She needs to see if you’re serious about it, or not.
But then you will have the woman you deserve. By being more.
Not everyone of them is a woman you deserve
Now, obviously there are abusive women out there. Literal bitches. Yes, I get that. And changing yourself for her is a grand mistake, and will make you miserable. But if you thought about this whole post this way, you already made a big mistake.
A wise man does not change for anyone else but his inner soldier.
The conqueror
You change for nobody but yourself!
See, your woman might be the one you deserve because she shows you your shortcomings. But you’re not changing to satisfy her. You change to get back together with your soul.
You aspire to become a CONQUEROR. As a man, the only person you rapport with is yourself. She is a hint, that something went off-track.
But never try to change for her.
We call this “the dancing monkey.” If you do all these things to get back into her, you are her dancing monkey.
Change for yourself. And once you are in tune with your inner man, she will be back on you.
As I keep saying, She’ll start sucking when you stop sucking.
–Alexander Graves
You deserve better. Make her SUBMIT!
Now that we’ve established how women work, isn’t it time to turn this franchise around?
Become a great man and you deserve a much better woman.
It’s THAT easy.
For this I wrote the book Own Your Shit, Make her Submit to help you create a submissive, admiring, and respecting wife!
