You need to “kill” forgive your father. kill is in quotes here intentionally.
I’m not telling anyone to literally kill their father, that would be stupid. No, this is meant metaphorically. It came up because I got a message from one of my brothers who said that ever since he tried to be on his own path and do his own thing, be his own thing in his life, and achieve something, he got a lot of shit.
From his father, his parents, but his father mostly is the driving force to try to keep him in his idea of what his son should be. Telling him that’s not what he should be. He even went so far as to pull out a Bible quote that says that his parents should be viewed as Gods because they provide for him. So he needs to please them, that is his “job.”
Now, I don’t even know if that’s an actual Bible quote, it could be. But then again, not all Bible quotes are very useful, or even right. It depends a little bit on the situation. Regardless, this is a very, very bad mindset. For the father. And before we go into what you actually should be doing, we got to dig a little deeper what’s happening here.
Finding the root cause of daddy-issues
This father, this man is having a lot of issues here. First of all, he’s trying to live and re-live his life through his son. This is something many parents do. But it’s very detrimental. They are not satisfied with their own life and what happened. So they try to fix that, or correct their mistakes through their children.
And that’s stupid, because then you have high expectations of your children, which are based on your own faults. Now, obviously, you should teach your children the mistakes you made and how you overcame them, of course. But trying to morph them into something they probably aren’t, is very stupid.
Here’s one thing, your kids owe you nothing. I’m a father myself. And I know, my son doesn’t owe me anything except obviously, common manners humans should have and the respect for me. That’s fine, and should be just basic human interaction. But what he does with his life is fully and 100% his decision. It is not for me to judge, it’s not even for me to decide what he will become. Because here’s the fallacy. If I have a predefined life path for him, I have expectations. And expectations usually are designed to be disappointed, especially if you have huge visions what you want him to become.
Your child wasn’t asked to be here – He owes you nothing
So you have to understand that even though you give virtually everything, and you would give your own life for your own son, he owes you nothing. Because it was your decision to put your dick into that woman, which then birthed a child. And it was your decision, to give him what you gave to him. If you don’t want to give something to him, then don’t have children, or give him away.
But if you decide to be a father to this human, then you give everything you have. That is correct. But this is your decision. And he owes you nothing. Because if he actually owes you something, then you set your child back from the beginning. He starts with a huge debt in his life. To match your expectations of him. And that’s really not something you want since society already does that.
Most men start with a huge debt, that they need to create something of worth until they’re like 30. Otherwise, people laugh at them. If you haven’t achieved anything by 30, then people think you’re a loser. So it’s important here to understand that this debt is not very helpful. It actually makes things worse.
Like in this case of my friend, he wants to do his own thing. He wants to escape the slavery that is built predefined for him by society by listening to people like me and other men. We’re on the path to do that and help men to do that. So he’s on the right path for his life.
Yet, maybe he doesn’t even make it and he falls over. Then you as a father, you still take your own child 20 years later, even though he turned on you, and take him back into your family. That’s what you do, because the only thing you want is that your child is happy.
The fallacy of most parents
However, this father and many other fathers as well, focus on how their son or daughter can make their life happy. Can make them happy. Instead of the child. This is why they put their children into act class at five years old, or put them into these dress up contests for their daughters. Regardless of the child really enjoying that or not. But don’t be fooled. The child obviously does it for the love of the parents. But it’s what the parents want. Not their child.
This then is, when 20 years later, the child it’s finally grown up, and it decides to throw it all away and do something completely different. And maybe even not talk to the parents anymore because of what they did to him/her.
But you in the position of the child there, 20 years, 30 years, whatever, having huge issues with your father, you need to understand especially as a man, you need to “kill” your father. Because you need to forgive him.
This is one of the toughest things you will have to do in your life, I can guarantee you that. Raising a child, a fucking joke. Forgiving, truly forgiving your father, or your parents – but it’s especially important for men to forgive their father – is one of the most difficult things you can do. He has been a force of potentially negative energy for 20 years or even 30. He tried to shoehorn you into the into a direction you didn’t want to go. And maybe he’s even responsible for many bad things in your life you’re dealing with right now.
Then how do you forgive such a person?
How to forgive your father?
Before we go into this, why is this so important? It’s quite simple. If you are feeling resentment, anger, wrath, or even a complete hate towards that person, these emotions, they clog up your free thinking. They clog up your life.
They ruin your life more than what he could do. But it’s your life. These are your emotions. Even though he did this all to you, so technically it’s his fault. But these are your emotions, and only you can control your emotions.
So it’s vitally important that you let go of these emotions. As long as you hold grudges, as long as you hold these emotions, these negative emotions in your mind, you will never find peace. Not just with your father in general. This might even go deeper, and clog up other things like your money making abilities. You have such a negative outlook on life because of so many negative emotions in your body circulating that it ruins other things you do in your life, for example, making money online, or building your mindset, building your masculinity, everything.
So as long as you hold these grudges, as long as they are in your heart, you will never achieve greatness.
This is even something I learned from another great man who talks about how to become rich, and one of the first things he mentioned is the best thing to make money is to forgive everyone who ever did harm to you. And you might think why? What does this have to do with the other thing?
That’s because you cannot live from an abundance mindset that everything is great and positive and actually looking forward to doing things like working on your business, if you’re constantly filled with negative emotions. This clogs up your mind, your heart, then you cannot give to people from strength.
And the only way to make money online is to give people what they want.
However, you’re only focusing on what you can get. Because you want to have this money to fund the escape of the rat-race. But your heart needs to be clean first and clear to give people from strength. So this is why forgiveness is so vitally important.
It’s not your fault
One of the key things in there is the movie Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon, which I would highly recommend. It is about the idea of a genius kid. But he has these issues, he doesn’t really care about anything. He has read everything. He knows everything, but he doesn’t feel things. That’s the whole topic about it. And that’s because he was abused as a child by his father.
And the end scene then is, when he finally lets go of these emotions, that emotional blockage, then he can finally feel happy again. And he does this through crying.
There are many ways to forgive your father. To “kill” him. One way is to truly feel these emotions you’re feeling. Finally going through it. By which I mean, for example, the Goodwill Hunting method. You imagine a psychotherapist called Sean, telling you, it’s not your fault, over and over again.
Why? That is what it is, it is not your fault. It’s not your fault that this happened to you. It’s not your fault this is your father. It’s not your fault he did what he did ruin your life to some degree. It’s not even his fault. It’s just what he knew best. And hearing this over and over again, visualising that, it’s this guy telling you that.
This will most likely have a very, very heavy emotional reaction. Once you truly let go. That could be crying like in that clip, it could be anger so you need to punch something and I would recommend doing with a punching bag, not with a person. Could also mean you absolutely need to go away for months into the woods to meditate, I don’t know. The emotional reactions are different. But you definitely need to have a very heavy emotional reaction to that because you need to let go. That is one way.
The other way and I would actually recommend you do all of them is every day for at least seven days. You write down on a sheet of paper, the name of your father or “my father.” And then after that, “I forgive you.” You also say it out loud. And you visualise you telling him that it’s even better if you actually do it. But I know, you can’t. Because of emotional reasons. Write it down every day for seven days. And say it out loud, visualise it and truly believe it.
It might not happen in those seven days, it might not even happen in six months, it might take years until you finally have this emotional reaction where you actually let go fully of that emotional blockage. But it’s vitally important that you try to do that.
If you go on that path of forgiveness, even if you do just these seven days, and there’s just a little bit of forgiveness, it’s a little bit better. There’s already freeing up energy you desperately need. So really, forgiveness is nothing else but letting go off the grudges and the negative emotions you have towards that person. You fully accept they are human, they have flaws, they made mistakes. So you let it go. It’s not your fault. It’s not their fault. Nobody’s fault, really. It’s just happened to you, that’s life.
And you decide to not have your life ruined by these negative emotions from now on.
WHy letting go makes you Succeed in everything
Forgiveness is really just a letting go of negative emotions, of grudges. And there is a reason that this is the number one solution to becoming rich or making money online. Because most cannot do that. Most people cannot forgive the other people that did them ill, intentionally or not. It’s the same if you have issues in your relationships. If you still hold grudges to your ex girlfriend, then this will poison your new relationship. It’s the same thing. You need to let go.
Virtually any man needs to forgive his father at some point. For example, I never actually met my father. And this had poisoned my how I handled my relationships and dealing with my son for quite a while because I thought there’s absolutely no way where I could ever leave him. But this is bad because this is an attachment and any sort of attachment is always bad because then you will cling to people. Only when I decided that he will come out great and I will probably be a great father regardless of if I’m around or not all the time.
Only then could I let go of these emotions. But for this I needed to forgive my father for what he did. That was the vital part in there.
Maybe I even haven’t fully done that. But at least I’m on the path to it. And this is the key. You need to let go of that. You need to forgive him. I know in your current position, it probably sounds completely unlikely you could ever do that, because you’re so filled with rage and hate.
So do baby steps. Forgive small details he did. Small things, don’t go about the crazy things right away. Start with that and do the writing down task that works quite well, if you can do it for seven days, I would recommend doing longer. And probably again in three or four months. Add the Good Will Hunting clip, then you have all the tools I know to do that.
If you don’t let go of these emotions, they poison everything you do going forward. And it’s the reason why you haven’t achieved what you wanted to achieve. Yet. This is the most vital part for any man in his whole life to do. This is also why it’s the toughest thing, because it yields the greatest result.