“Respect is everything.”
Remember this quote? It was the slogan for the old game Grand Theft Auto 2. I think it was the second iteration. Respect is the key thing in your life, with yourself, family, and especially women!
But women are only a small part of a man’s life.
You need to learn how to command respect from anyone if you want to achieve in life. Let us explore how.
The Godfather example
If you haven’t watched that movie, you should definitely do it. It is a great display of what a true, virtuous man is like.
If you watch the first 30 minutes of that movie, you will already know something: Everyone respects him. Don Corleone. The Godfather.
This doesn’t come out of nowhere. He commands it. From his family, as well as enemies, and people that want something from him.
Why is it so important? Respect is what manifests your personality in other people’s minds. A man that commands respect is an Unchained Man. A free man.
Respect isn’t given. It is earned. A man’s image, and what he stands for, have to be worthy of someone’s respect.
In other words, if they think you’re a loser, they won’t respect you. Even if they are wrong about that.
Nobody thinks the Godfather is a loser. Because he is rich, loved by people, and if you fuck with him, he makes sure you can’t walk afterward.
You don’t have to go to these extremes. But this is your first glimpse into commanding respect: enforcing boundaries. Let’s have more examples first.
Another respect example: Are all women gold-diggers?
There are these clips on Youtube of so-called Gold-digger pranks.
Most of it is staged, but generally, it goes like this: There’s a supposedly rich-guy dressing badly, or just randomly approaching a woman, and she declines because he looks homeless or poor.
As soon as he gets in his Lamborghini or another supercar, the woman comes back and suddenly wants to be with him.
I guess it’s staged. But even if it weren’t, I mean, look at the guy with the stupid hat, and the red flowery shirt. If a woman dressed like that, would you approach her?
(On a small side note, women don’t look for money, women look for success. A capable man.)
However, the issue isn’t on the women, it’s on the display of the men.
Everyone judges by the cover
If you go out and dress like shit, you portray something. Your bad taste in clothes for example. And if people, especially women see you like that, they immediately build an image of you.
The simplest way to gain respect is through your physicality. Despite the fact, it might just be a mask.
Now, you might say this is shallow to judge someone in the first seconds. You do it, too. Everyone does it. People say they don’t, but this is a comforting lie, covered in virtue signaling. It is basic human nature to judge upon appearance. This is how we evaluate a partner for sex. Or if the other person is a danger to our survival.
When you see a woman in such a short dress that you can see her ass, you think she’s a slut. Same judgment.
And if you dress homeless, nobody has respect for you. If a book has a shit cover, you won’t buy it. Unless it already has social proof. It doesn’t matter how awesome the story is, if it doesn’t look good, you don’t care.
I repeat, respect is the image of ‘You’ people have in their minds.
Now, this isn’t solely down to clothes. It is your posture, as well as your facial expressions, your movement
But most importantly, the biggest impact for your respect, is how you behave.
“Why won’t my wife have sex with me?”
You probably never stood up for your needs. The sex got more and more into starfishing. Chore-sex, or even pity-sex.
Probably just sex to conceive the kid. Get it done. No passion, no lingerie, no changed positions.
And you just ate it up. Didn’t say a word. You didn’t command respect. Which is what a proper love-life really comes down to.
Again, putting a boundary by standing up for your needs of a proper love-life would’ve solved this, or at least, got down to the deeper problems.
You created that woman yourself. By not saying a word, by not standing up for yourself, you told her you eat up anything. She kept testing you, and you failed. This is amplified by the fact that you probably boxed yourself in a corner with the marriage, house, and kid.
While women love the security of this, this is also a great pitfall for complacency and disrespect.
Women get horny for a capable man. Confident, leading, in charge. If you let her walk all over you, disrespect you, and you just suck it up, you’re none of that.
Her nature tells you that you can’t protect her, because anyone can just come in and talk shit, probably punch you, and you do nothing. Her limbic system is disappointed at your weakness, and thus there is no animalistic drive to ride you.
Here is a quick fix to build your confidence subconsciously.
How to get respect from other people?
Now that we covered a few examples, let’s finally get into the grit on how to command respect.
As with everything, it starts in your mind.
Nobody can respect you, if you don’t respect yourself.
That’s our starting point.
You know quite well, masturbating doesn’t make you respect yourself. Especially if you actually want to quit, but you keep falling back into old patterns.
Eating those sweets every day although you want to gain a proper masculine physique doesn’t help you to respect yourself.
Skipping the gym every other day because you “just don’t feel like it.”
I guess you get the picture.
This is exactly your starting point. Command respect by respecting yourself.
Do things that make you respect yourself
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You can do it by force if you learn how other men do it, but I personally think it’s way better to have it come out of you naturally. How to do that?
These are three pillars which automatically command respect once you internalized them. Let’s go over them.
Respect in struggle
Considering this blog is called selfconquering, you might have heard me talk about struggle quite a lot. There are multiple blog posts about it. But why is it important to command respect?
As I said, before other people can respect you, you need to respect yourself first. And you do that by learning what you are capable of. Do a small 30-day challenge to start out, or go full in with the 90-day challenge.
A man’s respect for himself is built upon the struggles he’s gone through in his life. There is no other way.
Learn a martial art or any new skill. It doesn’t really matter.
Set yourself up for any sort of struggle. Something that is hard to achieve. Once you have achieved or mastered it, that will inevitably shift your perception of yourself.
You will learn that you are stronger than you think. Capable of way more things than you thought possible. This self-respect will start to radiate outward.
Respect in silence
This is more or less a skill you can learn. It is external and internal.
Silence of your body. Don’t fidget! Stand still. This conveys confidence. Don’t jump around on your feet, constantly moving your body. That shows you’re not secure in what you’re saying. You won’t be able to stop that immediately. But keep it in mind.
Silence of your words. Have a fight with your wife?
A) don’t jump on any insult she might fire, let it slip.
b) say nothing.
The fights where both just end up screaming words at each other just show a man’s weakness. You command respect by people giving you time to speak.
In saying nothing, you might say a lot more than words can cover.
Your woman interrupts you all the time? Just be quiet.
Don’t move, don’t say a word. At some point, she will be weirded out by this, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”
Don’t immediately say something. Embrace the silence. There is immense power in this. Because it shows she can’t force you to say anything. You do it on your own accord.
And then you calmly tell her, that if she keeps interrupting you, that this discussion is over right here and now.
Take back your power.
Respect in character
Your character is determined by what you stand for. You have your values and virtues, and you act upon them.
Nobody can stop you from doing that.
If a man has his goals, and he follows them ruthlessly, people respect him. And women drool over this.
If you are an unchained man, have a mission for yourself, and you are making progress on it, you will respect yourself.
You are now living your own dream. Instead of hers. You’re not a pushover. You do your thing. And she will respect you for that.
A true man can only change his goals by the demand of one person: himself.
You’re finally a man. And again, as biology demands, a woman wants a man to fuck. Not an ATM machine. You’re not a servant. She isn’t your god.
Build these three pillars for yourself.
Learn to respect yourself, and other people will have no other choice than to follow suit. The key to command respect from other people is to demand respect from yourself. By doing hard things, and being a force to be reckoned with.
Enforce boundaries in your life to command respect
Lets look at this from a bird’s eye view.
Friends, women, your kids, your boss, it all comes down to the same.
“Do people respect your boundaries?”
You see the word “respect” is in there again.
The most important thing I learned is to enforce boundaries. Make it clear where you draw the line. In a fight with someone or outside of it.
I remember one day my wife insulted me in a fight, called me a name. I then told her with a pointing finger, “You watch your mouth!”
This is a line I drew. I will not have my wife call me names.
Doesn’t matter if it’s your wife or colleagues or anyone else, you first need to voice your boundaries. People don’t know them inherently. And if they perceive you as weak, they might push even farther than usual. So voice it.
At first, they might even laugh at it, because you’ve been a loser for so long this line comes off weak. Don’t worry, just like with kids, at some point, if they don’t listen, actions need to follow.
There have to be consequences to disrespectful behavior
If your woman still calls you names, you leave the house, come back days later. Sleep at a friend or something. There must be consequences for bad behavior.
I know this sounds like disciplining a child, but if she behaves like a child, it kinda fits, doesn’t it?
If she asks where the fuck you have been, you straight tell her, “I will not be called names by you. You watch how you talk to me, or I am out.”
Clear, direct. No fluff. Just state what’s what.
I will go into detail what the best consequences are for each “type of person” later. Just realize, that voicing your boundaries alone won’t cut it. People will test those boundaries. To see if they are real.
This isn’t (always) malicious intent. Still be aware of that it will happen.
And if they breach boundaries, there need to be consequences.
Give people something they would miss to gain respect
Brazil was originally a portuguese colony. Back in the 1500s when Spain and Portugal almost conquered the entire world.
However, Spain was actually first to Brazil. So how did Portugal end up getting the land?
Quite simple. The spanish came in, setting everything on fire, hurting people, and basically showing their mighty force.
The portuguese had a different approach. They came there and gifted the people things they could use.
Good food, clothes, shelter.
They made their life better, whereas the spanish ruled with brute force.
That gained the Portuguese a ton of respect, and most importantly, a mighty tool.
Because now they had something they could take away when someone acts up.
Whenever the citizens were going crazy, they could just say, “Alright, fine. We’re leaving, we stop bringing the food, shelter, and clothes and you do your thing.”
Naturally, the people didn’t want that. So they accepted whatever was put upon them.
Yes, this is manipulation. However, we constantly try to manipulate people to get our desired outcomes.
If the spanish would’ve still ruled, whenever an uprising would happen they would’ve needed to suppress it with pure force.
What to learn from this?
Enhance people’s lives. If you do this, they don’t want you to go, and they will respect you. Because you ARE better than them in the fact that you provide something. This is how you command respect. By giving them something you can take away if they are disrespectful.
Now, into more detail, you can skip ahead to your desired information with the following links:
- How to gain respect from your wife?
- How to get respect at work?
- How to get respect from friends?
- How to gain respect from your kids?
How to command respect from your wife?
Everything stands and falls with the respect she has towards you.
You probably weren’t aware of how the image of you changed in her head. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you are doing about it now.
It’s quite simple.
- Develop an abundance mindset
- Command respect by enforcing boundaries
The first thing is key in life in general. There are four billion women out there. And yours doesn’t give you what you want.
Don’t drop the relationship immediately, but you should act from another point of view. Any relationship (friends, family, long-term relationship, or marriage) can only ever work if both parties put in the same amount of work.
The wise man knows, any relationship is a work of both. If only one party takes care of the holes in the hull, the ship will sink.
Have tough talks, make your point clear and tell her this can only work if both put in the effort. And you’re not going to live a disrespected marriage.
Women want a respectable man, even if it means dropping respect for themselves
Women want a respectable man. But they can only respect you if you respect yourself.
And if she has enough respect for you, she will do all kinds of “disrespectful behavior” towards herself. I am talking about kinky stuff, which is what you want, right?
If you think of yourself as the loser guy, she has no other choice but to follow suit. Why do you think of yourself that way?
Because you’ve been living her dream for years now, instead of your own. You’ve lost your masculinity. Hence why your woman lost her femininity. She is just a mirror of yourself!
A man does not sacrifice his dreams for one of many women.
If you radiate self-respect, respect for other people, and you command it from others, she will want to fuck you on her own. Because you’re finally a man worth fucking.
As much as you want a real woman, she wants a real man. Society tells you all the wrong ways what a real man should be. Which is displayed in all those sexless marriages.
Women don’t want that provider guy. They settle for it because they can at least have a house and kids. But their deepest desire is a true man, who is respected by anyone so she can look up to him. Sometimes virtually on her knees.
A man, they can submit to. You can’t submit to man no one respects. You degrade yourself.
How to command respect in sex?
If you haven’t read this post about the Sex God Method, you absolutely need to. In it, you will learn what women really want in bed.
But your position might be that it’s mostly starfishing, and when you switch positions, she talks shit, or is bored of it, and all that.
This is because there is no animalistic desire for you, but also because she can just do that. Without implications. She puts in the minimum effort and you’re fine with it.
YOU decide what’s what in bed.
If you want to take her from behind, and she offers a token excuse, you just turn her around. Not forcefully; dominantly. And if she still doesn’t want it, stop the sex session right there.
You don’t need to say anything, it’s obvious. If you want you can say something like, “Either we have sex as I want, or we don’t have it at all.”
This might end up in an argument, be careful not to excuse yourself, or explain too much. Pull the broken record method from here. Works every time. You command respect by commanding her. Why do you think this stops in bed?
You might think she is totally fine with you stopping sex, because then she doesn’t have to have sex with you.
Women know quite well the power of sex. It is her power tool. Most women know they can control you to a certain extend with sex. On top of that, they enjoy it themselves. Contrary to what you were told for decades. They love sex with a powerful man. Maybe you’re not that man. That’s why it is starfishing.
If you take that sexual power and control away from her, she goes mad. Because you suddenly have the power. She is afraid. For many reasons. You might cheat. You might be interesting other women that do have sex with you. It makes her question herself.
Combine this with generally commanding respect in every day life, and your wife will quickly come around.
How to get respect at work?
The workplace can be a tough spot.
Personally, if it’s your thing, I would recommend looking to get out of there as quickly as possible by becoming an Unchained Man.
If you stick around in classic jobs, you still need people to respect you. Otherwise, you will be the guy with all the work on his desk.
It works similar to your relationship with your wife.
But this time you cannot threaten divorce. It depends on who is disrespecting you.
The important part is that you do your work and do it good. So nobody has anything on you. As I mentioned with the respect in struggle, you should be a good worker.
You don’t need to work overtime every day. But get your stuff done on time!
How to get respect from your boss?
If it is your boss, you can just threaten to switch jobs.
What? You’re afraid to do that?
Yeah, because you’ve been indoctrinated that you need that job. But you don’t. There are millions of other companies, jobs, and occupations you could engage in. Which probably even pay better.
Maybe it is time for a switch?
However, threatening this does command respect from your boss because you are willing to ditch him if he keeps being an asshole. As with everything, balance is key here.
How to get respect from colleagues?
If it is a colleague, it’s different because you have nothing that could threaten him.
Switch jobs, cool, why would he care?
So you need to voice it again. With clear, precise, and calm words. As I mentioned above, use silence and confidence.
Make yourself clear how valuable you actually are to this company. You can definitely command respect from others, because you contribute. Put this in your mind first. Then confront him/her about it.
You talk to your boss about it. Sounds childish? Why would it be. Someone is clearly ruining the work environment. It’s actually your duty to call that out.
In the end, if still nothing works, you might have to switch jobs again.
Always keep this in your mind. You ALWAYS have another option. That option is leaving that god-awful place.
How to get respect from friends and peers?
Bring value to the table.
Be a good friend, someone that truly does help and give and not just take.
As I mentioned before, this way, you can basically indirectly “threaten” the loss of your help and guidance once they act up.
For example, you’re always helpful with their relationship problems. Always an open ear that listens and gives good advice.
If they act up, breach your boundaries and are disrespectful towards you, you can end the friendship.
This way they actually LOSE something of value, even if they don’t care about you specifically.
But they lose your guidance and help.
Remember the story of the spanish conquerors I mentioned above.
How to get respect from your own children?
This one’s pretty simple.
You ARE the authority. Which means you get to decide over their life (at least to a certain age).
However, especially kids will test your boundaries. And your authority.
So what did your parents do when you didn’t behave?
You were grounded.
Why do you think this suddenly doesn’t work anymore?
How to gain respect from teenage children and grown ups?
At this point you are not the authority in their life anymore, sadly. At least in this society.
A true patriarch should still have control over his children and his word is gospel.
So this is where we want to get to, right?
If you haven’t been leading my example all your life, your kids will have a hard time respecting you. Especially when they’re older, since they’re starting to understand.
If you’re sitting at home with a beer-belly, watching TV all day, and you tell your kids to take care of their bodies and diet, well, that’s gonna fall flat quickly.
At this stage you really cannot ask them to behave in a certain way if you have nothing to show for.
The struggles you went through, the empire you’ve built will indirectly command respect from your children.