How to command respect (and why)

“Respect is everything.”

Remember this quote? It was the slogan for the old game Grand Theft Auto 2. I think it was the second iteration. Anyway, respect is the key thing in your life, with yourself, family, and especially women!

I am gonna lean this article mostly on respect towards women. Although this is exactly what you shouldn’t do: caring too much on how to score them, but I know this is what bothers you the most.

I know your problems.

The Godfather example

A picture of the Godfather movie. This man had real respect.
The Godfather is the kind of man this society desperately needs.

If you haven’t watched that movie, you should definitely do it. It is a great display of what a true, virtuous man is like.

If you watch the first 30 minutes of that movie, you will already know something: Everyone respects him. Don Corleone. The Godfather.

But this doesn’t just come out of nowhere. He commands it. From his family, as well as enemies, and people that want something from him.

Why is it so important? Respect is what manifests your personality in other people’s minds.

Respect isn’t given. It is earned. A man’s image, and what he stands for, have to be worthy of someone’s respect.

The conqueror

In other words, if they think you’re a loser, they won’t respect you. Even if they are wrong about that.

Nobody thinks the Godfather is a loser. Because he is rich, loved by people, and if you fuck with him, he makes sure you can’t walk after.

You don’t have to go to these extremes. But this is your first glimpse into commanding respect: enforcing boundaries. Let’s have more examples first.

Are all women gold-diggers?

There are these clips on Youtube of so-called Gold-digger pranks.

Most of it is staged anyway, but generally, it goes like this: There’s a supposedly rich-guy dressing badly, or just randomly approaching a woman, and she declines because he looks homeless or poor.

As soon as he gets in his Lamborghini or whatever, the woman comes back and suddenly wants to be with him.

I guess it’s staged. But even if it weren’t, I mean, look at the guy with the stupid hat, and the red flowery shirt. If a woman dressed like that, would you approach her?

(On a small side note, women don’t look for money, women look for success. A capable man.)

However, the issue isn’t on the women, it’s on the display of the men.

Everyone judges by the cover

If you go out and dress like shit, you portray something. Your bad taste in clothes for example. And if people, especially women see you like that, they immediately build an image of you.

The simplest way to gain respect is through your physicality. Despite the fact, it might just be a mask.

The conqueror

Now, you might say this is shallow to judge someone in the first seconds. But you do it, too, you fucking hypocrite. Everyone does it. Especially the people who say you shouldn’t do it.

When you see a woman in such a short dress that you can see her ass, you think she’s a slut. Same judgment.

And if you dress homeless, nobody has respect for you. If a book has a shit cover, you won’t buy it. Unless it already has social proof. It doesn’t matter how awesome the story is, if it doesn’t look good, you don’t care.

I repeat, respect is the image of ‘You’ people have in their minds.

Now, this isn’t solely down to clothes. It is your posture, as well as your facial expressions, your movement, etc.

But most importantly, the biggest impact for your respect, is how you behave.

No respect ends in a sexless relationship

Young woman with long hair and a red rose
A woman only invites a man into her bedroom who is respected. By others, and by her. But most importantly, himself.

Let’s imagine our classic Nice Guy. You in this case.

You’re married for three years. Bought a house, already have a little kid. What you don’t have is sex.

Most guys now go out and blame the woman, or if they’ve read a bunch of Alpha-Accounts on Twitter, they think they need to act like jerks to get her back into bed. It’s all wrong, the real issue is, that your woman lost respect for you.

She probably sees you as the provider. An ATM machine. You bring in the money to buy her dresses, buy clothes for the kid, pay off the house, and probably her car as well.

Where are you in this equation?

My friend, you are living her dream, not yours.

Why would she have respect for you?

You don’t even have respect for yourself! You let all that shit happen without doing anything!

“Why won’t my wife have sex with me?”

You probably never stood up for your needs. The sex got more and more into starfishing. Chore-sex, or even pity-sex.

Probably just sex to conceive the kid. Get it done. No passion, no lingerie, no changed positions.

And you just ate it up. Didn’t say a word.

Women are very clever about this. Slowly, but surely they take away this and that from your sex-life. Because IF it is work for them (which it is if you’re a provider), they try to reduce the load as much as possible.

This wouldn’t be the case if she would respect you. If she would realize, that you are the prize and that she must put in the work to keep you.

A true man knows that he needs to keep the feminine in order. For she is pure chaos, she will ruin him unless he contains her.

The conqueror

But you let her create that image of you in her head, that she can do whatever, and you’ll stay anyway. This is amplified by the fact that you probably boxed yourself in a corner with the marriage, house, and kid.

While women love the security of this, this is also a great pitfall for complacency and disrespect.

Women get horny for a capable man. Confident, leading, in charge. If you let her walk all over you, disrespect you, and you just suck it up, you’re none of that.

Her nature tells you that you can’t protect her, because anyone can just come in and talk shit, probably punch you, and you do nothing. Her limbic system is disappointed at your weakness, and thus there is no animalistic drive to ride your dick.

How to gain respect from your wife?

masculine man un-simping himself

Everything stands and falls with the respect she has towards you.

You probably weren’t aware of how the image of you changed in her head. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is what you are doing about it now.

It’s quite simple.

  • Develop an abundance mindset
  • Command respect by enforcing boundaries

The first thing is key in life in general. There are four billion women out there. And yours doesn’t give you what you want.

I am not saying you should call it quits immediately, but you should act from another point of view. Any relationship (friends, family, long-term relationship, or marriage) can only ever work if both parties put in the same amount of work.

The wise man knows, any relationship is a work of both. If only one party takes care of the holes in the hull, the ship will sink.

The conqueror

So if your wife doesn’t put in the work, there are billions of girls out there who might. Keep that in the back of your head and approach discussions and fights accordingly.

You don’t need to threaten divorce every five minutes, but make clear, with direct words, that if she doesn’t put in the needed work to make the marriage work, you are out.

Afraid of divorce? You should be, yes. It will cost you 10 years of your life and 6 digits in Dollars. But you don’t even go there. Once you stand up for your needs and command respect, she will realize that she doesn’t have a provider, but a real man by her side.

This will spark her femininity and sex-drive on its own.

Again, it all comes down to respect.

What makes your wife horny?

Horny naked woman
She looks pretty horny to me.

Women want a respectable man. But they can only respect you if you respect yourself.

If you think of yourself as the loser guy, she has no other choice but to follow suit. Why do you think of yourself that way?

Because you’ve been living her dream for years now, instead of your own. You’ve lost your masculinity. Hence why your woman lost her femininity. She is just a mirror of yourself!

A man does not sacrifice his dreams for one of many women.

The conqueror

If you radiate self-respect, respect for other people, and you command it from others, she will want to fuck you on her own. Because you’re finally a man worth fucking.

As much as you want a real woman, she wants a real man. Society tells you all the wrong ways what a real man should be. Which is displayed in all those sexless marriages.

Women don’t want that provider guy. They settle for it because they can at least have a house and kids. But their deepest desire is a true man, who fucks them properly.

A man, they can submit to. You can’t submit to man, no one respects. You degrade yourself.

Enforce boundaries in your life

The most important thing I learned is to enforce boundaries. Make it clear where you draw the line. In a fight or outside of it, doesn’t matter.

I remember one day my wife insulted me in a fight, called me a name. I then told her with a pointing finger, “You watch your mouth!”

This is a line I drew. I will not have my wife call me names.

At first, she might even laugh at it, because you’ve been a loser for so long, this line comes off weak. Don’t worry, just like with kids, at some point, if they don’t listen, actions need to follow.

If she still talks shit, you leave the house, come back days later. Sleep at a friend or something. Remove attention. This is what works best because women feed off of it.

If she asks where the fuck you have been, you straight tell her, “I will not be called names by you. You watch how you talk to me, or I am out.”

Clear, direct. No fluff. Just state what’s what.

Depending on your woman, you might need to escalate and threaten divorce. But don’t do it too much, and it’s dangerous depending on your frame in that relationship.

Maybe you have to suck it up and try again at another point. But start enforcing boundaries.

How to command respect in sex?

If you haven’t read this post about the Sex God Method, you absolutely need to. In it, you will learn what women really want in bed.

But your position might be that it’s mostly starfishing, and when you switch positions, she talks shit, or is bored of it, and all that.

This is because there is no animalistic desire for you, but also because she can just do that. Without implications. She puts in the minimum effort and you’re fine with it.


YOU decide what’s what in bed.

If you want to fuck her from behind, and she says some token excuse, you just turn her around. Not forcefully; dominantly. And if she still doesn’t want it, stop the sex session right there.

You don’t need to say anything, it’s obvious. If you want, you can say something like, “Either we have sex as I want, or we don’t have it at all.”

This might end up in an argument, be careful not to excuse yourself, or explain too much. Pull the broken record method from here. Works every time.

You might think this means she is totes fine with this. Because then she doesn’t have to put out.

Wrong again.

She uses sex, even if it’s duty sex, to keep you around. It is her power tool. Most women know they can control you to a certain extend with sex.

If you take that power away, she goes mad. Because you suddenly have the power.

Combine this with generally commanding respect in every day life, and your wife will quickly come around.

How to command respect by internalizing yourself

Groom smoking cigar with his wife in the background
When you internalized respect for yourself through 3 pillars, it will naturally flow out of you.

You can do it by force if you learn how other men do it, but I personally think it’s way better to have it come out of you naturally. How to do that?

  • Struggle
  • Silence
  • Character

These are three pillars which automatically command respect once you internalized them. Let’s go over them.

Respect in struggle

Considering this blog is called selfconquering, you might have heard me talk about struggle quite a lot. There are multiple blog posts about it. But why is it important for respect?


As I said, before other people can respect you, you need to respect yourself first. And you do that by learning what you are capable of. Do a small 30-day challenge to start out, or go full in with the 90-day challenge.

A man’s respect for himself is built upon the struggles he’s gone through in his life. There is no other way.

The conqueror

Learn a martial art or any new skill. It doesn’t really matter.

Set yourself up for any sort of struggle. Something that is hard to achieve. Once you have achieved or mastered it, that will inevitably shift your perception of yourself.

You will learn that you are stronger than you think. Capable of way more things than you thought possible. This self-respect will start to radiate outward.

Respect in silence

This is more or less a skill you can learn. It is external and internal.

Silence of your body. Don’t fidget! Stand still. This conveys confidence. Don’t jump around on your feet, constantly moving your body. That shows you’re not secure in what you’re saying. You won’t be able to stop that immediately. But keep it in mind.

Silence of your words. Have a fight with your wife?

A) don’t jump on any insult she might fire, let it slip.
And b) say nothing.

The fights where both just end up screaming words at each other just show a man’s weakness. You command respect by people giving you time to speak.

In saying nothing, you might say a lot more than words can cover.

The conqueror

Your woman interrupts you all the time? Just be quiet.

Don’t move, don’t say a word. At some point, she will be weirded out by this, “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

Don’t immediately say something. Embrace the silence. There is immense power in this. Because it shows she can’t force you to say anything. You do it on your own accord.

And then you calmly tell her, that if she keeps interrupting you, that this discussion is over right here and now.

Take back your power.

Respect in character

Your character is determined by what you stand for. You have your values and virtues, and you act upon them.

Nobody can stop you from doing that.

If a man has his goals, and he follows them ruthlessly, people respect him. And women drool over this.

If you have your shit together, have a mission for yourself, and you are making progress on it, you will respect yourself.

You are now living your own dream. Instead of hers. You’re not a pushover. You do your thing. And she will respect you for that.

A true man can only change his goals by the demand of one person: himself.

The conqueror

You’re finally a man. And again, as biology demands, a woman wants a man to fuck. Not an ATM machine. You’re not a servant. She isn’t your god.

Build these three pillars for yourself.

Learn to respect yourself, and other people will have no other choice than to follow suit. The key to demanding respect from other people is to demand respect from yourself. By doing hard things, and being a force to be reckoned with.

Conquer yourself.

–Alexander Reich

Have you been disrespected a lot in the past? What did you do to command respect? Let me know in the comments!

Develop self-respect with a challenge

Fight yourself for 90 days. This will bring in so much self-respect, you can probably instantly skip a few steps and just fuck your girl right away. But it won’t be easy, friend.

The Live Intentionally 90 day self project book cover
The easiest way to boost self-respect is by fighting yourself.

It is tough mental work. Hence why it brings so much self-respect. Get it here.

  • […] Recommended Reading: How to command respect (and why) […]

  • Darren Morgan says:

    Really eye opening content in this one. I’m 25 and have been disrespected numerous times growing up. Not by a female however, but by male peers. I never did much about but just ignore. I’m not the type to overreact emotionally to situations like that. However, I do hate being treated like that.
    Reading this post really helped me look at myself more closely as to how I am viewed in the eyes of others, including women. The way I dress isn’t horrific but compared to some of my friends I can definitely see where your getting at. How someone looks and first impressions speak loud. It’s what gets your foot in the door: getting a girls number, getting her interested or curious about myself. This also works in my professional sphere as well regarding other men I interact with.
    I’ve never had a girlfriend before but I’ve had one night flings and numerous interactions with women. It took me a long time to figure out what I was doing wrong as to why I can’t retain a woman long enough to have a partner. This really helped me to see why that is. They may have had some interest in me but after seeing how I was and being around long enough they may have sensed I wasn’t truly confident in myself. I was essentially just being the “nice guy”.

    Keep your emails coming. I really enjoy reading them. It brings a ton of value into my life and helps me improve.


    • First of all, Thank you for taking the time to write down your thoughts!

      And, yes. People neglect this constantly, but everyone always judges by the cover. You may hate this fact, we all do, but it doesn’t change the truth about it.
      So if you want to be respected, and be perceived differently, the easiest way is to dress differently, carry yourself differently, and command respect, or ditch these people.

      Glad I can help you!
      If you have any questions, feel free to ask here, mail, Twitter, wherever!

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