Book summary: The Rational Male

DISCLAIMER before we start: I wrote this post when I was still a big fan of the Red Pill and Rollo Tomassi. However, my mindset changed A LOT on these things. Still, I keep the post up for you to see it as a sort of Shadow-Phase of mine I worked through. And maybe you can take something from it.

If you want to gain a more positive, SUCCESSFUL perspective on how to get laid without becoming a dork in the process, check out Nice Guy Gets Laid.

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Even though the “Manosphere” and the “red pill space” have made a joke of themselves in the last years, Rollo Tomassi’s The Rational Male is still a mandatory read for any man.
Although there are footnotes to be aware of.

Some of it might end you hating women instead of realizing how they work. However, in this rational male summary, I will only put my thoughts of it at the end of the post and highlighted in between.
The rest of it is just an objective summary of the rational male book.

Disclaimer: I still recommend reading the whole book. Those summaries only slightly scratch the surface and don’t convey the thoughts of the author properly. You might get the message wrong. See it as a glimpse into it or to cement your buying decision.

The Rational male summary in bullet points

  • ➡️ ONEitis.
    Most men have ONEitis which means they totally obsess over one woman (their GF/wife) which is wrong. You need to develop an abundance mindset since there are billions of women out there.
  • ➡️ Secret to relationships.
    The person with the least interest has the power. This is the root of the “plate theory” which means one man should have multiple women in rotation.
    If one of them doesn’t play along, drop that plate. Therefore you don’t fall into ONEitis, and you don’t keep the power.
  • ➡️ Be the prize.
    Shift your mindset to the fact that you, as the man, are the price of the relationship. Not her.
    Society has gone to great lengths to put women on pedestals. But not only do the women not like that, because they happily submit to a great man, it also ruins your own perception of yourself.
    You bring the money, you make her survive in this world. Take credit for it!
  • ➡️ Preselection.
    That is the concept of women vetting a man. Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a relationship, suddenly the women are interested again? That is preselection.
    Another woman has already deemed you proper, therefore, other women know you are worth something and are interested.
  • ➡️ How to keep a woman’s interest.
    Have rock-solid frame. Don’t be too available (they thrive on attention). Let her imagination run (The Hamster).
  • ➡️ Plugged in.
    The plugged-in man is the blue pilled man. he still believes in the lies of society about women. The red pilled man is the unplugged man, for example after reading this book.
  • ➡️ Unplugging.
    Unplugging from the Matrix comes in 5 stages:
    Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.
  • ➡️ Game.
    Game is the philosophy on how to act that women find you sexually attractive. On top of looks, women operate much more towards how a man behaves and reacts. Especially in fights and the so-called shit-tests. Game are then methods on how to get what you want.
  • ➡️ The feminine Imperative.
    This concept explains the lifecycle of a woman and why her ways of engaging with men changes. When she gets close to 30, she hits “the wall” as in, her beauty fades and thus her possibility to score a high-value man.
    Therefore, at this age or slightly before it, women tend to try to “pin their men down” by marrying, kids, etc.
  • ➡️ Hypergamy.
    This is the female sexual strategy. Women always try to get the best mate possible. This is deeply ingrained in them (due to the nature of reproduction).
    Hypergamy is the reason why a married woman will fuck a millionaire on a cruise you spent 3 years saving for. Her nature seeks the best possible genes. At all times.

Short summary of the Rational Male book

The Rational Male book summary with a glenfiddich whiskey
The rational male is best digested with a good ol’ Whiskey.

The rational male is a comprehensive work of the nature of male and female.

It basically revolves around desire and power dynamics which have been shifted to the feminine in our society. Being a man is not inherently bad.

Wanting lots of sex is not bad, being dominant isn’t bad, and most importantly, actually portraying these values will attract you to the opposite sex.

The Rational Male book goes over the reasons why that is. Why women go for jerks, even though they always say differently.

What their mating strategy is and what to be aware of to not get exploited.

It teaches you the necessary information about both sexes and how to navigate the sexual marketplace.

Plus, mistakes you have been making in your approach and living with women in general. And why your wife won’t have sex with you anymore.

The Rational Male summary: What is ONEitis?

Beautiful woman with blue eyes looking into the camera
ONEitis is the concept of being totally obsessed with one woman when there are literally 4 billion of them out there.

This term describes a man being obsessed with one woman which a lot of guys seem to have these days.

It’s the precursor to the Plate Theory he gets into later. In short: There are almost 4 billion women out there, why do you think only this one will do?

There is a whole essay about the soulmate myth in The Rational Male book as well which ties into the ONEitis.

He battles the notion we have in our culture, that each person has a fitting counterpart, that “one” woman you just need to find. And a lot of guys fall into that trap with just a random woman they happen to get into, just because she probably took a few facials, he feels like she is the one.

He also dives into the “Buffers” which are excuses made up by the average sexless guy as to why he acts this way towards women, as well as rationalizations why she won’t sleep with him (i.e. the friendzone).

Most guys subconsciously know what’s going on, but they make up these excuses to not realize they need to work on themselves.

The secret to relationships / Plate Theory

The secret to relationships lies in one simple power dynamic which has been touched by other Authors multiple times: The person with the least interest in the relationship has the power.

This ties directly into the Plate Theory, where he suggests that guys should be “spinning plates” as in, have multiple women on “booty call” if you will.

It’s basically an advanced form of the abundance mindset. It will teach you said abundance properly: If one “plate” (woman) doesn’t play along, you just take another one and/or drop her.

Be the prize – the basic of the dynamic

Plate theory ensures the “you are the prize” mentality and the power-dynamic that you are the least invested in the relationship. Hence the women go after you, and not vice-versa.

He says this is important due to women’s innate competition anxiety. They go after men who are valuable. Who other women are after.

This is called “Preselection” where another woman has already vetted the guy to be proper, hence she doesn’t have to. This is also the reason why it only properly works this way round.

Women search for the best genetic material to impregnate them.

Men, however, don’t have this need to only choose one, they are designed to spill their seed on multiple women and hence don’t need to choose so correctly. Quantity over quality so to speak. Polygamy versus Hypergamy.

“Women would rather share a successful man than be saddled with a faithful loser.” –Rollo Tomassi (or Pook, rather)

This is his groundwork. The relationships where the man is the prize are the ones where sexual interest stays up. Even over longer terms. If the woman is the prize, she stops being sexually interested. Virtually by her biological nature.

How to keep a woman’s interest

  • Have a rock-solid frame. It’s hard to describe frame in a few words, but basically it comes down to this: Everything in your life revolves around how YOU see it. You set the rules, boundaries, and reality of your life. No one else.
  • Let her imagination run. Covertly make her realize you have other options if she doesn’t behave. Never overtly!
  • Don’t be too available. Attention is the currency for women. If you give it away freely, it loses value.

⚠️ Important note about this

This is very true but can be misunderstood. This is aimed at single guys spinning plates.

While you still have to keep a woman’s interest in long-term relationships, I wouldn’t recommend cheating just to keep her attention up.

For relationship guys, I would recommend this post to keep the interest up.

Plugged in and unplugging

The plugged-in guy is the one who still believes all of societies’ lies about women, that they want a vulnerable, sensible guy, and still doesn’t understand why she will go and fuck Chad Alpha Thundercock.

How playing friends is useless, because “No woman is ever worth the wait for sex” (see abundance mindset) and because women feed off of attention.

Which she gets for free if she keeps an orbiter in the Friendzone, as well as from hundreds of other men on Instagram. Along with multiple stories of girls who suddenly went after the friendzoned guy as soon as he said: “Enough of this, we can’t be just friends.”

Because he withdrew the attention.

A big portion is also about the White Knights who try to get pussy by being on “their side.” This never works and actually sparked memes.

white knight meme
The white knight meme. As with most memes, harsh truth based in reality.

The reason is simple. The white knight tries to prove his “quality” to the woman by being chivalrous and noble because he defends her (verbally, but still). Why doesn’t this work? Because he wants approval of the woman. This is his sole reasoning as to why he does it. And this never spreads legs.

Women don’t want a man who needs their approval. They want a leader, going his own way, doing his things. A rational male. He is the prize. For the white knight, the woman is the prize.

How unplugging from the Matrix works

This is probably the most important part where a lot of guys get stuck. He describes how unplugging from the Matrix / swallowing the red pill will have consequences.

If you learn that you’ve been lied to all your life, you will become resentful. He outlines the five stages of unplugging:

  • Denial – refusal to let go of old beliefs
  • Anger – the awareness that this all makes sense (waking up)
  • Bargaining – trying to keep some old beliefs to mix them in
  • Depression – the truth can hurt very heavily
  • Acceptance – knowing these things, without being devoured by them

A lot of guys tend to be stuck in the anger phase. Because it’s so easy to take it out on the women.

Once you realize how they work, you can just endlessly spin plates. Hatefuck the women and turn your anger towards them.

I was angry for a good month, maybe two (story here), when I woke up and had massive fights with my wife. This stage is important to overcome.

Rollo calls it “The Abyss” if a guy never crosses the anger phase. Hence why I said in the beginning that this book is dangerous. The guy who never crosses the Abyss usually ends up becoming a MGTOW which is basically another form of a weak loser who just can’t get over his emotions.

Be yourself is bullshit, rather grow constantly

A big notion that is put upon men these days is “just be yourself, and the right girl will come along.”

The just be yourself bullshit is spread pretty much everywhere, not just for men. But especially for guys, this is a dead-end.

Most guys aren’t anything until they’re 30. Especially if they don’t focus on it. Being yourself will net you nothing. Rollo Tomassi asks his readers to focus on themselves and become high-quality men of character. A rational male.

Personally, I could not agree more with the last statement. And it’s a big part on my blog (obviously, right?). So here are some sources to do that:


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Game describes methodologies to get from women what you want. And what they want to be honest.

There are multiple Game theories, like “Agree & Amplify”, “Amused mastery”, “Cocky & Funny” but they all revolve around the concept of shit-tests.

A woman will shit-test you all the time. It is her way of checking if you’re a) the man that can lead her, or b) if you’re still the man she fell in love with.

It basically tests confidence.

This isn’t always consciously. Which is why women sometimes go on that rant to test you and then are totally sorry a second later. They don’t know why they did it themselves. Gladly we know. And you do now, as well.

With that in mind, it makes a lot of sense to realize that most of the Game methods just revolve around being a man who doesn’t give a shit.

He is a rational male. Doesn’t play to women’s irrational emotions.

This is basically all the Pickup artist guys teach. Rollo separates himself from them because he thinks some of them are children with dynamite. They have the tools (dynamite) to get women to behave as they want but don’t have the mental frame (children) to handle it.

Game gets also scolded a lot in society. The feminine imperative makes fun of it because they know it works and thus tries to belittle guys who need “tools” to get women to do what they want.

This is another topic he touches later. Game fucking works, for good reason, and society trying to belittle men for acting upon it is just another tool to get them to be beta providers.

⚠️ Important Note

It does indeed work very well, from my personal experience. It’s just how women operate and test their men.

However, you need to establish a mental frame first, before you Agree and Amplify. You need to be a master first before you can be masterfully amused. Hence the children with dynamite metaphor.

He doesn’t go too deep into how these things work (although it is described), more as to why they work. Gives a great insight, and is important if you want to apply it correctly in the future.

The feminine imperative – a woman’s reality

A big part about the rational male summary is the talk about the feminine imperative
Are all women secretly out there to get you? Or do they just play into their nature?

There is a lot of talk about this in the book. I mean, A LOT.

It describes how we live in a feminine society, how almost everything is set up to favor the female perspective. Loaded with examples you weren’t aware of. Indoctrination in everyday pop culture, schools, etc.

It almost reads like a conspiracy theory. Like all women plot to take over the world. Not to belittle it, he is speaking the truth with most of these things, but I personally think this is on the weak men.

He comes back to this term throughout the whole book in almost every chapter. He clears up a lot of myths about women we men swallowed very easily. For example:

  • The actual sexual peak of a woman is 22-24 years old. She will hit the so-called “wall” at around 30. Right at the same time when men start to learn their sexual value is rising.
  • She can party throughout her sexual peak, but needs to lock down a man before she hits the wall and before he realizes his value.
  • Also at around the wall, the so-called “epiphany phase” will set in and she will notice her beauty and competition possibilities fading, and thus re-evaluating if her decisions so far were correct. This is usually when Hypergamy sets in, and a woman with 3 kids, 10 years a husband, will just ditch him for an alpha chump without issues.
  • The myth that male looks don’t matter (they do, hit the fucking gym)
  • The myth that women want as much sex as men (men have 15-17 times more testosterone, a woman will never experience the same sex-drive) (debatable)
  • And the myth of the lonely old man. If you don’t find a woman in time, you will end up alone. Which is false. Later in life, you’ll actually have it easier to attract women.

What is Hypergamy and how does it work?

Hypergamy describes a woman’s inner need to always have the best male chosen.

This is based on nature. If a woman reproduces, she is at least 9 months out of the sexual marketplace. If not more. Unless like men which can just spread their seed 5 minutes or less and be done with it.

Due to this fact, a woman engages in Hypergamy (hyper = best) instead of Polygamy (poly = many) like men do. For this she is always on the lookout for the best mate possible.

Just like men always are interested in other women.

This never stops, even after years of marriage and kids. It is ruthless and doesn’t care about anything. He even has two pages full of “Hypergamy doesn’t care about XYZ” etc.

She will drop her provider beta male for an alpha who gives her “the tingles” to fuck and potentially re-breed with him. It is her deeper biology.

⚠️ Important Note about the Feminine imperative

A lot of guys DO live in that feminine reality. Even if they become redpilled and wake up. They STILL try to change themselves to get pussy.

They still become “more masculine” to attract women. That is the issue, so pretty much 99% of guys actually DO live in the feminine reality. Even the cold-blooded masculine redpill guys. Only a small portion just doesn’t give a damn.

He says himself that this isn’t a conspiracy, it just came to be. Sort of.

He later describes how the birth control being fully in female power (the pill) pretty much cemented this. I think he rambles on this a tad too much.

I came to realize after doing some research, as well as my own experience, that Hypergamy is in fact, BS. Find out here why that is:

⚠️ Important Note about Hypergamy

Or Watch it on Youtube here.

Considering how 80% of divorces are started by women, and over 60% are about money and sex, I see why he thinks hypergamy is just everywhere.

But he was just jumping to conclusions there, again, if you want to have proper intimacy, admiration, and respect, without becoming a dork, check out Nice Guy Gets Laid (it’s free).

The Iron Rules of Tomassi

He coined 9 basic rules you need to live by if you want to be successful with women. They are the following:

  • #1: Frame is everything.
    Control the frame (power in the RS) but don’t give the impression to do so.
  • #2: Never share your sexual partners count.
    This ensures that the woman keeps guessing, and thus keeps her interest in you high.
  • #3: Don’t wait for women that make you wait.
    Any woman who makes you wait for sex (friendzone) is never worth the wait.
  • #4: Don’t ever live with a woman you’re not marrying.
    He says this because it takes away the competition for her. Although I don’t see how this is different from being married, so, a weird rule for me.
  • #5: Never allow a woman to be in control of birth control.
    Wrap your tool! Take away her power.
  • #6: Women are incapable of loving a man the way he expects them to.
    This is a big part of the book. Men are the idealistic lovers. The romantic ones. A woman can never love you the way you expect. Never. However, I’d say this is on men for expecting this at all.
  • #7: Develop new relationships. Don’t fix broken ones.
    Time and effort are better spent going proper in a new relationship, than trying to fix a broken one. I actually disagree with this rule, but I understand where he comes from.
  • #8: Let a woman figure out why she won’t fuck you. Never do it for her.
    This plays into the “she is out of my league” meme. Never rule yourself out before you even tried. Let her figure out why she might not want to wet your dick.
  • #9: Never self-deprecate.
    Never self-deprecate to appeal to sympathy or even pity. This doesn’t work. Period. Be a proper man, be the prize.

The Rational Male criticism

The Rational Male book summary with a glenfiddich whiskey

My personal opinion.

I been a vivid Red Pill Shill for years. I even was in Andrew Tate’s War Room, which I guess is the most red pilled you can be out there. Literally pimping women.

However, I came to realize, after all the research (as mentioned above and below), as well as my own marriage almost failing and all the guys I coached so far and saved them from it, by getting their CURRENT girl hot for them again, that it’s really this:

A toolset that stops your personal growth and even kills your marriage, but gets your dick wet if you’re just out there having affairs and/or pimping women.

If you want a true, deep connection, with a future, with kids, all that, then the Red Pill DOES NOT work. Period. Check out my channel as below, I have a bunch of videos about that topic.

Apply it to where you are in life

I think the book was written with young guys in mind to prepare them for a future of affairs. And it does this quite well.

However, the book also gets promoted a lot to unplugged bluepilled beta males in relationships or marriages. I was such a person.

Lots of “advice” in there isn’t really applicable in marriages.

Or rather, there should be a special section for married and LTR guys.

How it actually fuels the gender war

I think, although he says that the gender war isn’t good for anybody, the rational male book (Amazon) does fuel it a little bit itself.

Due to the fact that it is very coldly and analytically written, it comes off as “us vs them” painting all women as evil. I guess he did that intentionally to truly wake men up, but it can backfire quite easily.

Also, there is a lot of generalization on women. They are all the same in his book. And while concepts like the wall etc might be true. Even to the year, as a man who has been out a lot (as is his profession) and slept with over 40 women, he should be aware that there are nuances to the female.

Hypergamy might be in their biology, but not every woman acts on it. Just like not any man tries to fertilize as many women as possible.

Bear in mind, Rollo himself is married for 20 years, monogamously (as far as we know) with a daughter. He never mentions it, but I don’t know if he sees his wife and daughter as the same kind of “being” as he sees all women in his book. It’s not just all spinning plates for the rational male.

If that’s all you do, I guess how you view women doesn’t really matter. But if we want a future, where masculine men and feminine women live together in harmony, we need to embrace a “us together” mentality built on top of the truths we know about both genders.

Real-life advice to take from The Rational Male

  • Don’t focus so much on what women want and how to get in their pants. Rather become a respectable man for yourself. Everything else will fall into place.
  • Plate Theory aka abundance mindset. If things don’t work out, and it just doesn’t feel right, be aware that there are endless opportunities out there.
  • If you’re in your thirties as a male, realize that your time only just starts. Either use it to spin plates or for your “prize mentality” in your relationship.
  • The Game theory and topic about shit-tests is a must-read for any man.
  • Some myths you’ve been told are greatly busted. You will walk differently through life and through pop-culture. Suddenly it will “click” everywhere. It opens your eyes.
  • Great analysis of femininity in there as well. It’s not just hating women.
  • Don’t let society decide who you are. Make up your own mind. For you to do so, you should definitely read the book and decide.
The Rational male book summarized with a good whiskey
Get yourself a whiskey, read the rational male and change your life for the better.

Get the rational male on Amazon here.

Also, if you need real-life “red pilled” advice on how to fix your marriage, and get back into your wife, I wrote a book about that, and how I managed it.

Find it here or click the image below:

own your sht make her submit

How did you like the rational male? Enjoyed the book? Hated it? Still stuck in the anger phase? Let me know in the comments!

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About Alexander Graves

About Alexander Graves

Hey there! I'm Alexander Graves and I teach men how to live a life of happiness, abundance, and joy, without using weird techniques. Just by being your authentic self.