The Selfconquering Trifecta 2/3 – Shadow Work Applied

In the last post we talked about the first part of the Trifecta.

Who you truly are.

And BRUTAL honesty.

Today we cover the next logical step that comes from this. Shadow Work Applied!

Once you are truly honest with yourself and other people, you will quickly realize a bunch of dark traits and dark sides about yourself.

The things you don’t want to show to people.

You cover from the outside world, because you feel guilt, shame, judgment about it.

This is what we call the Shadow.

An idea by Carl Jung.

Your shadow follows you everywhere, you cannot outrun it, or hide from it. It is your dark, one-dimensional side.

​Shadow Work Applied – It’s not always bad

However, reality is that the Shadow isn’t always dark. It also has lighter sides, or shades of grey.

Here is a simple example:

A nice person who cannot do harm, certainly has a Shadow that has some violence within in. The dark Shadow.

But a harmful, vicious person, clearly also has a part of them which is nice and giving. A lighter Shadow.

The latter would be a high achieving businessman, trying to look tough all the time. He learned to cover his shadow, his good side in public or in general, mostly because his vicious side worked well in business.

Yet, you will quickly realize that he sold his true self in the process.

This is NOT who he is. He has a good side, this is part of him. But he neglects and puts it away.

Same with people that are too nice, if you let people walk all over you, you cover your Shadow, your assertive side (doesn’t always have to be dark violence, just boundaries, for example).

But then, not only are you not your true self, you are being controlled by the Shadow without knowing it. This is when at some point it boils over and you lash out like a madman.

This was your Shadow when it isn’t controlled.

How to do Shadow Work?

This is my main work in my  coaching practice . I go into the childhood. Traumas, emotional blockages, things that happened, and we work through it and how to let it go.

See, your Shadow is the side you don’t want to show. Parents, the other gender, peers played a big role in you hiding your Shadow.

As does society, check out  THIS great clip by After Skool  (fantastic channel) and then come back to finish this email.

Integrating the Shadow, not suppressing it is the key part of your existence.

I mean this.

I tried to suppress my Shadow for the longest time, with all the tools. But accepting it, understanding it, welcoming it is where you find peace.

A Personal Story

I am very sexual individual. Or rather, intimacy. It doesn’t always have to be sex, but I need physical closeness. It’s also in my natal chart in Astrology.

This is, of course, why I ended up with a porn addiction growing up. I thought it would give me something, when it didn’t.

Also why I wanted to do ALL the kinky stuff with my girlfriends, sex all the time, because I literally felt like I needed it.

However, this side I obviously don’t like to share with the public, or even my wife, how much I TRULY need it, was and is my Shadow.

When I suppressed it in the past, results are obvious -> porn and being resentful because the real women don’t give me what I need.

However, once I accepted this powerful sexuality and need for closeness as part of me, opened up to my wife how much I truly need her touch and want it, etc. suddenly those urges vanished.

(This is yet another important part of the first Pillar, brutal honesty with your wife, see how it is all connected?)

This is the Shadow, integrated.

Accepted who I am, what I need, and thus, life became much easier, and wasn’t driven by the Shadow.

(Then you can proceed to make use of so-called “negative traits” like a powerful sexuality. Practice semen retention and this will give you an unending source of energy. Transmuting the Shadow is a superweapon).

Plus, I personally believe the “dark” sides we have are intentionally given to us to learn. To operate with it, to understand. For our karma in this lifetime. But that’s another topic.

Look into yourself. What are things you are hiding from other people, even yourself, and society?

Then accept this as a part of you, and find a way to make good use of it. Using it for the positive. Even if it just means transmuting energy.

This is true Shadow Work, and this is where you find yourself and peace and happiness.

Of course, this isn’t easy, hence you need someone who knows what they’re talking about. Luckily for you, I am that man. Not only have I been through it myself, I helped many men to achieve the same.

Until next time, when we talk about the Third Pillar, which is Positive Leadership. A natural outcome of the first two, but a few things are to be taken into account,.

See you then, Alexander

Next Steps

  1. UNSTUCK Your Life with my Template (Free) here
  2. Check out my Youtube Channel for more Shadow Work
  3. Get GROUNDED and find back to your TRUE Self

Share this post

5-Minute CONQUEST.

Enter your Name and primary email below, and click the button to get my free UNSTUCK Your Life Notion Template and join the community of FAST Conquerors.

Except an email from alex[at]selfconquering.com

About Alexander Graves

About Alexander Graves

Hey there! I'm Alexander Graves and I teach men how to live a life of happiness, abundance, and joy, without using weird techniques. Just by being your authentic self.