An issue many men face a few years into the marriage. Me included. At home it’s sweatpants, ponytail and a stained leggings, if so. At work, it’s high-heels, skirt, nice blouse.
Naturally, man is pissed because this almost seems like disrespect and disvalue, right? So you go online and type “why does my wife dress up for work, but I get this shit?”
The mixture most forget.
And society has weird reasons why that is and what a marriage looks like.
More on that later…
By the way, this post is mostly taken from an older email I wrote to my Newsletter, if you want such knowledge right away, click here.
Why does my wife dress up for work and why its an issue
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is no need for a cocktail dress and makeup at home. After all, you’re AT HOME.
But honestly, there is a difference between wearing something comfy and still being feminine and virtually giving up on yourself. You know how it looks.
But why does man care so much?
Why does it matter? If you truly loved her you would love her regardless of what she wears, right?
See, this is twofold. First and foremost, men are visual creatures. Regardless of how much women try to deny this, we like to SEE sexy things. This is also how horniness actually works. Yes, the man initiates sex and the woman usually has responsive desire, which means she gets turned on when you’re turned on. Female sexuality is about BEING DESIRED by a great man.
However, men really only gets horny when he sees something sexy. THIS is the first step.
In the beginning of your relationship, your girl was always dressing up for you. She wanted to be the sexy girl and she felt sexy being around you. You saw her thong blitzing through the yoga pants and you were ready to go. A nice dress for the date, and you wanted more.
Over time, you two got used to each other. You’re not really courting her, she’s not interested in putting in the work since you’re there anyway. But the solution is honestly simple.
Did you ever tell her? Or are you afraid of the backlash? This brings me to a simple truth:
No matter which way you spin that wheel, the reason you’re not getting what you want is always you.
You became a weak Nice Guy and so she has no desire for you -> she doesn’t care about putting in the sexy dress work -> you’re not interested in sex -> both of you feel bad.
Or worse, you actually initiate with her dressing like shit because you desperately need the sexual validation which only makes it worse because you amplify her behaviour.
Where it all went wrong
So here’s the baseline of what’s happening, before I tell you a reason I came across online which is COMPLETE BS and resembles the state of society later in this post:
- Remember that women are followers. If you give up on yourself, she likely will also -> look at how you look?
- She might want to get a reaction out of you to see if you still care. If you couldn’t be bothered by what she wears, you lost interest. So it will actually HURT her if you don’t say something.
- She is constantly in her masculine energy. Money tight, stressful job, kids, etc. She needs to HUSTLE 24/7 at home, which is masculine energy. Feminine energy is carefree and nurturing. Fix your life, finances and get her off her job and she’ll be much nicer to be around.
- It might just be a test where your boundaries lie
You get the gist. It’s mostly on you for not setting boundaries, not making her FEEL, etc.
However, there was one answer on Quora or smth – ofcourse from a woman – saying the following:
“When your wife is AT HOME, this is where she can be herself, doesn’t have to put on a facade, and know you love her regardless of what she looks.”
Now this is bullshit.
It’s the same old stuff like, “If you want me in a bridal dress, you also need to want me in sweatpants.”
It’s the feminine way of gaslighting, guilt-tripping you that you don’t love them for who they are. Dressing well with SELF-respect (not just for you) is not a facade. Your visual is an expression of your mind.
Also, one has nothing to do with the other.
I love my wife, but I still don’t want her TO GIVE UP ON HERSELF by walking around like a slob.
This is a question of self-worth, or things wrong in your life.
Also, men ARE visual as I said, regardless of how many times this will be denied.
Fighting an uphill battle in this society
If a woman says something like above, she just fell prey to a society which has the priorities 100% backwards. She’s dressing nice for the job, but when she comes home to her husband, it doesn’t matter.
So other men get to see her nicely clothed, but not him, or you.
It’s a display of one party (or maybe both) not putting in the effort into the marriage anymore. You got complacent. Probably both of you. In the pandemic situation, maybe more so!
But how can you expect the marriage to ride on honeymoon waves when you don’t put in the effort to keep it up. Literally.
So, guys, if your girl says something like that, call her out on her bullshit.
We are Good Men. We love our girls and we’re all for positive emotions, but don’t fall prey to becoming a Nice Guy again because of your spiritual path.
Women need to be called out on their bs.
EVERYONE needs to be called out on their bs.
And if she dresses up for other men, but not for you, look at you and the life circumstances. Are you a man worth dressing up for?
If not, you got work to do. If you got your shit together, call her out on her bs. Tell her.
And don’t let yourself be told clean yoga pants and a black tank top are “uncomfy.”
But maybe, the fight that is happening was exactly what she wanted to feel something again. So don’t step away from the fight because you fear losing your high vibration.
The love afterwards will make up for it.
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