How to ruthlessly detach yourself from everything? Outcomes? Things? Even love? How to emotionally detach yourself?
And why would you do that? I have discovered that definite detachment is the true path to ultimate happiness.
“Everything you own will end up owning you.” while this is correct, it is a question of mindset to be happy regardless of anything in your life. Let me lace you with life-changing knowledge.
We live in an Attachment Society
We live in a consumerist society. People are constantly consuming goods. Some have a real use, others are mere for collecting dust.
Either way, we do this to hunt for the dopamine release of having something new. While this short burst of dopamine is certainly nice, you end off being worse. Now you have these things in your life. And they chain you.
I, for example, bought a house a few years ago like most men do these days. The American dream of buying a “nest” (even though I am German 😉 ). While it is a soothing feeling to have your own home it comes with chains.
It is this lie of freedom.
Carefully placed by a corrupt society to keep you enslaved.
What real benefit does one gain from buying a house over living in an apartment? It’s bigger, okay. You can move into a bigger apartment. It’s your own place? You don’t really own it anyway. Don’t pay your property rent for a few months and see who really owns the house. Being free from a landlord? You merely switch from a landlord to a bank as your master.
Post in the comments if you find any real tangible benefits to having your own home.
The more I think about it, the less reason I see to own one. Moreover, if you consider how most people “buy” these homes. You buy it with your energy and lifetime. You say money, but this is a comforting lie. You don’t have the money to buy it, so you get a mortgage, which is a loan on your lifetime and energy for the future.
On top of that, it comes with all sorts of things you have to do now to keep it intact. Buy matching curtains with your wife. Fix a broken lamp. Make calls for things that were done badly with the handymen or the company that built it.
I have a lot more tedious tasks now that I own a house. So not only am I enslaved via the mortgage with something I don’t really own anyway. I also have way more tasks to do which I hate doing.
This is where the smart reader has already made the connection. All the things we buy are an attachment. Chains. Our society is built with that in mind. Attaching yourself to one woman. Attaching yourself to one job forever. Attaching yourself to a house.
The fully detached man is King in such a society.
What does Definite Detachment look like?
I have mastered this skill in my personal life. But not in a monk way like most people immediately picture this scenario.
I am not sitting on a mountain in Tibet, writing this (although it helps).
I am also not a sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone. Beware of these labels you are immediately building in your mind. They are the product of decades of indoctrination. And it is an attachment. If you put a label on yourself, you immediately are polarized towards it. You’re either part of that label or group, or you’re not. In or out. Positive or negative. Attached or detached. They don’t want you to be a free man. I am free.
I own all these things but I could not care less if I lost all of them tomorrow.
I have a house, wife, kids, cars, things. And it does not bother me if they are still around tomorrow or not.
Immediately the first guard of our weak society in form of a screeching harpy will jump at me, screaming how I could not care about my wife and kids.
This very scenario is the beauty of my definite detachment. I love my wife and kids. And I don’t want them to go, but I would be fine if it happened. I am emotionally detached from it.
Accept the brutal reality that if you engage in this mental model, you will be an unchained man. However, the price for this is that society will hate you. Remember concealment. You shouldn’t tell anyone about how you feel.
This rarely helps.
I know what you are already thinking, “I can be free right now with all these things?” Yes. I have a mortgage, wife, kids, etc. But my soul is free. By detaching myself from all of it.
Definite Detachment, the basics
To detach yourself from things, people, and outcomes in your life, we first need to set the rock-solid foundation.
Who are you?
The person reading this. Are you the things you do? Are you that body you inherit?
Now, there are hints that we are living in a simulation, as well as Jung knew that we have a collective unconscious. We’re all connected. Some of us believe (me included) that we are a consciousness floating in the universe, controlling this character here on Earth.
This is the foundational knowledge to reach a higher consciousness at some point.
Whatever the reality is, one thing is for certain.
Everything is energy. Our body is a dense cloud of energy that manifested itself physically.
This is vital to understand the reality of your attachments.
You have enough energy within you. Your body, the energy you give into it through your consciousness or universal being – whatever you are – is enough to survive. Better, it is enough to live. To thrive.
You bring these other things into your life to gain energy. The cold reality is that it drains your energy.
Exercise: Think about a person in your life you truly love. A woman or friend. Realize how you think you are not going to be happy if that person is gone.
And then say the following in your mind, “I really do not need you to be happy. You are not the source of my happiness and joy.”
Because they aren’t. They are just a person, another character in your simulation. They could turn against you at any second and suddenly you wouldn’t love them anymore. Your dependency would swing from happiness to hate. Both of it is attachment!
Exercise two: Think about a scenario where the love of your life left you. A relative you truly loved died. You thought you could never be happy, right? But you could. And you were. Life moved on and so did you.
It was a delusion. Manufactured by your brain. You were attached to that person. But not because your happiness truly relied on it. Because you were conditioned to think that way.
Definite detachment is an understanding of cold, harsh reality. That you need nobody. That you could be totally fine with yourself. A harsh realization for some. Frightening for many.
Most successes root on the fact that nobody believed in you. You had to fight against all odds. Escape the bucket of crabs.
If you are attached to outcomes, people, or things along the way, you will likely fail. They will drag you down and cage your mind. Most importantly, however, they will cage your happiness which is the root of your motivation and ruthless momentum towards divine purpose.
Definite detachment is thus a ruthless killing of comforting lies. A ferocious assassination of dependency on anyone.
The helpful first step to achieve definite detachment is finding yourself and your higher self.
The paradox of clinging
Nature likes to play games with our heads.
When you cling to someone or your emotions towards them, what you really do is trying to avoid pain and hurt. You are ruled by fear. You try to shower them so heavily with your love that they definitely stay in your world and don’t give you the pain of leaving you.
However, that pain is only possible because you are so clingy towards them. If you would be detached from the whole person/relationship, there would be nothing to be afraid of.
Your need to avoid the pain is what makes the pain possible at all.
For most men the reason is twofold:
- Indoctrination from society that women are goddesses
- Zero achievements so they are fine with themselves
I highly recommend you read “Outwitting the Devil” by Napolean Hill. It will introduce you to the following concept:
There are two “you’s” within you.
- One is driven by fear and avoiding it.
- The other is driven by faith.
I cannot put in just a few words how powerful this knowledge is and how it works precisely. Only that I discovered my other self, my believing self in a similar fashion as Napoleon Hill (minus the people trying to kill me). Most people (the sheep) operate out of fear. It is their main driving force. COVID should’ve shown you.
Successful people, rich people, famous people, operate from belief. Belief in themselves. Faith in their skills and abilities.
One group is miserable and lives as slaves in our society. The other truly enjoys their life and they can do whatever they like. You can make your own conclusions out of this.
Let us discern how to detach yourself from certain things in your life.
How to detach yourself from things
Remember my writing about energy. You are a cloud of energy, manifesting as a physical object in the time-space-continuum.
So are all other things around you.
They are solely what you perceive of them. You created this reality with all these things. They are a store of energy. So ask yourself, do they yield energy for you, or do they drain it?
If they drain it, why are they still around?
If you lost everything tomorrow. House, cars, clothes, etc. You would still be alive. Maybe a year or so would be tough. But you still have your skills.
A detachment from things because you know who you are and what you can do.
And a cold harsh look at reality that these things are nice gimmicks, but they don’t define you. You are not your house, your car, your clothes. Despite a deceiving society telling you exactly that.
You are what you can do. Especially as a man, you are the skills you possess. The capabilities you have.
And when we die, we take none of these things with us.
Enjoy the pleasures of life. I like expensive watches, fast cars, and smooth cigars. But I don’t need them. A theme we dissect further in the next chapter.
How to achieve Definite Detachment regarding Women
Many a men these days are utterly attached to any form of female company. They feel “glad” when a woman is around. Even though she never offers him her gifts (and I don’t mean just sex here). They do all kinds of things to keep the company of the female.
This is a weak display of codependency and missing confidence in yourself.
The exact opposite of what you need to do if you want to achieve utmost success with women.
My relationship with my wife (and anyone) has become much better since I detached myself from it completely. Paradoxes are the playground of nature. The Kybalion even knows a law that’s called after it.
I love my wife, but I am not depending on her. I am completely fine with her leaving me or not (I rather not of course, but it’s a question of mindset). In turn, our relationship is the most passionate it ever was. It comes down to one universal truth of reality:
Anything you need will elude you.
How can you love someone when you need them? You virtually use them to get your fix for your neediness. This isn’t love. This is abuse.
This is why men who don’t care about women get all of them.
This is why men who don’t care about money have the most of it.
This is why men who don’t want help get everyone to help.
Particularly with the feminine, neediness is a major turnoff. She will crush this weakness with ferocious force. The feminine is drawn to a powerful man who is in control of his own life. If he needs her, she has power over him.
She does not want that. At all. But given she got the power, she will use it to crush you.
Rightly so. You are abusing her love for your own needs. The universe works in balance. You can also call it Karma. You have to pay for your abusing behavior by being abused yourself.
Exercise: Go through a breakup mentally with your current girlfriend/wife. Vividly feel what it would feel like. What you would do afterward. Realize that you would survive. You would most likely find someone else. Maybe a better person.
Many are afraid of this exercise because they fear this might kill their love and feelings for the other person. This is another form of weak attachment.
If your feelings are killed that easily, they weren’t meant to last to begin with. And you are attached to the other person emotionally, which means you aren’t free.
Advanced exercise: Kill of attaching emotions. Learn to enjoy the company of the person itself. How they are, what they do. Not how much emotion you feel towards them.
The Master-Key to life: Definite Detachment towards outcomes
Building attachment towards a desired outcome is again rooted in crippling fear.
The fear of failure.
The mark of a weak man.
Naturally, we want the energy we expend into something to be useful. Despite wasting hours of energy on Netflix, we care about our energy when we do work. For this, we try to eradicate failures as much as possible.
This is a grave error.
Failures are helpful. They help you grow as a person. To learn the fabrics of life and what could happen or not.
Your attachment to the outcome is what makes it more likely to fail.
Due to this attachment, your thoughts are clogged with negative outcomes. Things that could go wrong. Recall that the mind creates reality.
Your self-talk is a powerful weapon. If you constantly have negative thoughts, this is what will manifest itself.
All due to the fact that you are clinging to outcomes.
The solution is aiming for positive outcomes, but being completely unphased by whatever happens. Naturally, you aim to succeed. But if it happens or not doesn’t really change the person you are, right?
Take a look at hugely famous and successful people. They have the whole world looking at them. And sometimes they fail. The press will pick them apart for about two weeks and then it fades away.
They keep working and nobody cares about the failure anymore. Was any sort of attachment to the outcome necessary? They still survived. They still had all their skills. All their knowledge. More of that even.
Being attached to outcomes is a display of external validation. You care what others think of you or your work. This will poison your work and your soul.
Exercise: Whatever your current goals and dreams are, imagine it failing completely and what other people think of it. Then, imagine it being a grand success and what other people think of it. Then wonder if that changes anything about yourself.
Exercise two: Ask yourself if your current endeavors are to be externally validated because other people like it or because you truly want to do it.
Conclusion
Definite Detachment is the key to utmost happiness in a man’s life.
Accept that society is set up against you in that regard and that deep, ruthless introspection is necessary to achieve detachment.
Realize that most fears you have are rooted in attachment.
Freeing yourself of attachment thus also frees you of fear. Freeing yourself of fear is the first stepping stone to success. To finding your “self” that believes. That knows. This will create the reality you desire.
–Alexander Graves
